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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see cute baby pics

296 replies

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 18:59

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 21:42

I could share so much about my feelings but know its not going to end well but I have thought abt severing contact with my one sister in particular as I am insanely envious of her large family.

OP posts:
Scbchl · 10/10/2021 21:44

Her large family, is also YOUR family. Why don't you try to focus on what you do have here and now and cherish that. Was your second child miscarried?

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 21:44

Would that impact your son? His contact with presumably quite a few relatives if she has a large family. Cousins, for a start.
Removing a family member from your life when you’re already lonely seems like a step that should wait until after you start the counselling.

sjxoxo · 10/10/2021 21:45

This is probably really really naive of me but before we thought about having kids ourselves I had never ever ever thought about scenarios where people share new baby news to those who have lost… I think aswell some people who have no difficulties don’t realise how upsetting it is to be on the other end of the stick. So I think some people at least don’t even consider announcing baby news as hurtful or anything other than a positive event; won’t take away your hurt but at least know people don’t share the news to deliberately upset others. I don’t think you ‘have’ to reply no but if it’s good friends they may be upset Xo

QuestionEverythingBaby · 10/10/2021 21:47

Severing contact with your sister because you’re jealous of her is crazy. You have a DS, how do you know he won’t have many DC and you too will have a large family one day. And anyway you are part of your sister’s family.

NorthSouthcatlady · 10/10/2021 21:49

@Wannakisstheteacher well yes, we would love to just have one

Comedycook · 10/10/2021 21:51

@Tevion28

I could share so much about my feelings but know its not going to end well but I have thought abt severing contact with my one sister in particular as I am insanely envious of her large family.
You do know op, some people will be insanely jealous of you for having a child.
NorthSouthcatlady · 10/10/2021 21:52

Unfortunately people often don’t think about or care about other people feelings E.g. the friend who sent me a photo shoot worth of pictures last weekend of her new born and other child. She knows we have fertility issues, she knows our last transfer failed and she knows we are gutted. I haven’t responded but l suppose that’s a message in itself. But she didn’t consider my feelings so l now don’t need to consider hers

ShaneTheThird · 10/10/2021 21:53

Op yabu but I suspect you already know this. Do you know how long you will be waiting for your evaluation and therapy? Can you access online help and therapy privately in the meantime?

Your DS is obviously well adjusted to be at uni at 18. That's life's normal course.

Do you want to talk about what happened 18 years ago on here? Did you lose a child or were you unable to conceive another?

Please don't cut your sister off. She has done absolutely nothing wrong. Her family is your family. You seem terrified of being lonely in old age yet you want to cut off your family simply because they have more children.

Your son is an adult now. How will you feel if he announces he is going to be a father?

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 10/10/2021 21:59

So what is the answer?
As noone can ever be really sure which of the news they have might be hurtful, triggering or otherwise stressful to the potential recipient - we better stop from sharing them at all. The good just in case we remind someone of what they do not have.
And the bad / sad , in case we remind somebody of what they had to go through.

Blondiney · 10/10/2021 22:01

YANBU unreasonable to not want to see baby pics.

YABU to even consider cutting off contact with your sister, unless there's a huge backstory we're not privy to. It's easy enough to make the appropriate congratulatory noises at the very minimum. The rest you take at your own pace.

Bluekangaroo123 · 10/10/2021 22:01

I agree with PP that this doesn’t seem healthy at all. While I feel for you OP your attitude is quite frustrating & you will end up alienating your family & son. I have one child & I won’t have any more due to health reasons. Plenty of people only have one & some can’t have any. Life isn’t fair basically.

Skyla2005 · 10/10/2021 22:06

You need to let it go. Your bitterness will eat you up. You have one healthy child who has gone to uni. That is a massive achievement. A lot of people would be envious of you would not like seeing your updates think about that. Some people can't have any children. Some people have children that could never go to uni because they have other problems they might have anxiety or they may have been born disabled unable to move their arms or legs. They are fed through a tube. Your life with your son would be amazing to them. Please think about that. You are ver fortunate. Others are not. Stop and think about others it may help you to appreciate what you have and not focus on what you don't

Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:08

I have never felt part of my sisters family sorry to say it but they haven't really bothered with me much. My sister only does stuff with her daughters and I'm never included in anything.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:11

@Tevion28

I have never felt part of my sisters family sorry to say it but they haven't really bothered with me much. My sister only does stuff with her daughters and I'm never included in anything.
Possibly because you’ve spent 16 ish years distancing yourself from her and not wanting to be around a family with more than one child?

Who’s to say whether she’s someone you would be happier without (and it’s possible) or potential support that you’d be cutting out?

Only you - and I don’t think even you until you’ve had counselling.

Original poster
Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 22:11

I lived next door to my sister for years but my nieces never come to say hello when they visited my sister it used to make me feel awful. My point is that I don't really see that I have involvement or a family through my sister hence no involvement in her grandchildren either.

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 10/10/2021 22:13

You've posted about this before haven't you?

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:14

It’s hard enough for parents to get a visit out of an adult child sometimes, let alone an aunt! You could be taking that too much to heart. I’m not saying that it isn’t rude or selfish, the way young adults behave sometimes… but it’s not unusual! They have their own lives.

MintyGreenDream · 10/10/2021 22:14

and also does your ds know he's not enough for you? I really hope not.

Marvellousmadness · 10/10/2021 22:15

Sounds like you could benefit from some counselling op.
Remember you are blessed with 1 child, it would be tremendously sad if you spend the rest of your life wishing you had more vs loving what you have.

Cutting your sis out of your life isn't the option either. It would be better if YOU try harder to reconnect and try to be part of her family. That way you could enjoy being part of something larger in that way.

RevolvingPivot · 10/10/2021 22:15

Where does it say the op had a child 18 years ago?

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 22:17

@RevolvingPivot either read the thread or at least the OP’s posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

thisplaceisweird · 10/10/2021 22:17

@Tevion28

Its my sister who sent it of her grandchild not newborn about 2 months now saying I love this its so cute. The sister who knows how this episode in my life ruined me and that I only keep going for tbe grown up son I have. I have had mental health issues ever since she knows abt it all
Your sister deserves to be happy with the exciting milestones in her life, and you should have the grace to be happy for her, without making it about you.

Shit happens to us all. I'm sorry you've been through this traumatic experience, but you can't live life angry at others.

UmbilicusProfundus · 10/10/2021 22:18

It’s seems a bit ironic that you feel guilty for ruining your son’s childhood by not providing a sibling, at the same time as your own sibling relationships are not in the best place.

Sorry that you are struggling, but as everyone else says, you need some professional help, not AIBU

Pugmumm · 10/10/2021 22:18

@Wannakisstheteacher

So you do have one child? Pretty self indulgent to want everyone to tip toe around you forever when you actually have a child - which as you know many, many couples would give their right arm for.
👏🏻
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