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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to see cute baby pics

296 replies

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 18:59

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

OP posts:
Livpool · 11/10/2021 09:36

OP - I am in the same position as you - albeit DS is only 6 but I can't help think you are being unreasonable.

Your reaction is not 'normal'. I think you need professional help.

I enjoy every day with my son - what else can I do?!

Some people are unable to have any children l.

blueskyinjan · 11/10/2021 10:04

People have things that happen to them that they never get over without help. OP, I think you should reveal your feelings to a trained counsellor or the infertility helpline: 0121 323 5025. I hope you find peace within yourself.

Tevion28 · 11/10/2021 11:26

Some inspiring people on here and I'm sorry to those who never even managed one. Listening to what people have said on here about been childless and how they can still be happy for others has made me think I am probably a really awful person so probably deserve all I've been dealt.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 11:35

@Tevion28

Some inspiring people on here and I'm sorry to those who never even managed one. Listening to what people have said on here about been childless and how they can still be happy for others has made me think I am probably a really awful person so probably deserve all I've been dealt.
Well yes you could interpret it that way.

Or you could interpret it that it is possible to learn to live more healthily with your experience.

So instead of indulging the negativity, why not commit to discussing with a counsellor how you can train your thought patterns away from it?

Tevion28 · 11/10/2021 11:46

Cocomarine I went for counselling a few years ago and they just listened without putting enough input in i didn't find it that useful and after 4 sessions the lady said is there anything else I can help with and I was quite confused with this and then I wax discharged

OP posts:
grey12 · 11/10/2021 11:54

@YukoandHiro

Same for everything in life - weddings, degrees, babies, grandchildren, healthy older parents.

If your caring for a parent with dementia hearing seeing pics of your friends going on a sailing holiday with their active 80 year old mum is going to be very upsetting.

Sorry OP - I realise infertility and baby loss is an awful, life changing thing to experience. But it's on you to look away from difficult stuff online, not up to people to censor their own happiness

This

Hopefully you'll feel better soon. Otherwise talk to your GP, they can help

Frazzledd · 11/10/2021 11:55

@Tevion28

Some inspiring people on here and I'm sorry to those who never even managed one. Listening to what people have said on here about been childless and how they can still be happy for others has made me think I am probably a really awful person so probably deserve all I've been dealt.
You are not an awful person, your feelings are your feelings and no-one has the right to minimise what your going through by comparing their own life experiences and belittling yours.

Would you ever ask a person suffering PND 'what they had to be depressed about' and telling them that they should 'just be grateful'?

You need some help to get to a better place OP, there's no shame in that, the fact that you've recognised it, been honest on here about it and are actively seeking it is something you should be proud of.

I really do wish you well Flowers

QuestionEverythingBaby · 11/10/2021 12:11

@Tevion28

Some inspiring people on here and I'm sorry to those who never even managed one. Listening to what people have said on here about been childless and how they can still be happy for others has made me think I am probably a really awful person so probably deserve all I've been dealt.

Why are you a really awful person? You don't really think that you're just feeling sorry for yourself. You obviously needed help at the time you found out you couldn't have anymore DC.

Has this been an ongoing issue throughout the last 18 odd years or has it been highlighted by the fact your DS has gone to uni? Empty nest syndrome is a real thing and can be a really awful time. There are plenty of threads on here about it.

Tevion28 · 11/10/2021 12:26

Ongoing for the last 16 years since I found out I had pof and the older I get the worse I feel

OP posts:
Tevion28 · 11/10/2021 12:28

I have seen my 37 year old niece struggle to have no 2 then fall lucky then quickly fall pregnant with a daughter I feel so unlucky.

OP posts:
CarelessSquid07A · 11/10/2021 12:45

I will never experience pregnancy and birth and it can be hard to hear the announcements etc.

My friends and family are always lovely to share their news with me privately first so I can process which I find really helpful.

I'm not angry with them but it does tend to bring up the oh that will never be me feeling for a few hoursor days but then I will be excited for them and being an auntie etc.

However I've only had a year or two to accept my life for what it is whereas it sounds like you've never been able to.

I don't think your son is enjoying being away because he missed out on siblings, it's more likely that your struggling to cope with it affected his feelings about home. He'll always wonder why he wasn't enough for you.

And it's never too late to be involved with your neices and their children. I would imagine if you did more with your sisters it might come naturally.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/10/2021 12:52

I know it's not a race to the bottom and I truly appreciate how difficult you're finding other people having more than one but you really do need to sit back and take stock of your own luck, the way you have done with other people's. Rather than hyper focusing on not having two, celebrate having one at all.

My parents could've conceive naturally and waited years to adopt, I know my mum found it devastating not to fall and still finds it really tough seeing people who are pregnant as she wishes she had been. I know she will likely find it tough if I fall pregnant (we are trying) but she explained to me that her sadness she missed out on an experience doesn't mean she will be any less happy for us.

When you say your son went to university, it will have been painful for people who had and lost a child, for people who never had children but wanted them or for people whose children were unable to go to uni due to health issues for example. Have you thought about that before every single conversation you've had with anyone about your son going to uni?

When he was little were you careful never to mention his milestones in case other people had potentially had and lost a child, had never fallen etc etc? Of course not - because it would have been an unreasonable expectation to be hyper sensitive to every possible trigger anyone else could experience.

Everything we have is something someone else wishes they could have. I'm finding it hard seeing what feels like everyone I know getting pregnant while I'm not yet, but I don't think they should have to hide their own joy - because I will be full of joy if it happens for us too.

It's tough but you have to try not to let your sadness for yourself outweigh your ability to allow others to be happy, without you resenting them for it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/10/2021 12:53

That was meant to say:

My parents couldn't conceive naturally and waited years to adopt

Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 13:14

@Tevion28

I have seen my 37 year old niece struggle to have no 2 then fall lucky then quickly fall pregnant with a daughter I feel so unlucky.
This comes back to what I was saying about training your thought patterns. Honestly, no amount of us telling you that you’re actually lucky is going to convince you. You had a minimal amount of counselling by the sounds of it, then wrote it off. There are many types of counselling / therapy and infinitely more therapists themselves. It isn’t a passive process where you turn up and talk and it all goes away. You have to commit and you have to work. But it’s worth it.
Cocomarine · 11/10/2021 13:16

It really is time to work though, and address this and free yourself. What are you going to do if your son meets a lovely person at uni and starts a relationship - but they’re a second born? You’ve got a choice now, choose to be happier.

3fiddy · 11/10/2021 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LagunaBubbles · 11/10/2021 13:32

I could be wide off the mark here but you've mentioned your sister having daughters and also your niece having a daughter, are some of your feelings based on never having a daughter?

Tevion28 · 11/10/2021 13:35

Some feelings are based off never having a dd

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 11/10/2021 13:39

@Tevion28

I have seen my 37 year old niece struggle to have no 2 then fall lucky then quickly fall pregnant with a daughter I feel so unlucky.
OP I went through a rime in my life when I had a massive loss of self esteem. One of the things thst helped was realising the things I was saying to myself about myself were actually true, they were just my thoughts my feelings not shared by anybody else, and I had to work to shut that voice up/make it say nice things instead. You need to stop thinking of yourself as unlucky, you are not.
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 11/10/2021 13:41

Tevion do you want to move forward with your life, to come to terms with the trauma and pain you are carrying, to build stronger relationships with your wider family?

This won't get better on its own, please seek some more help so you can have a brighter future.

Cornettoninja · 11/10/2021 13:44

I am probably a really awful person so probably deserve all I've been dealt

Honestly, this line alone makes me think that although you communicate the focus of your feelings on grief and lost opportunity of a second child, that’s not what you need to focus on. I suspect you need to learn to reframe your mind on a wider scale. Is there anything in your life that provides you with joy or respite? Do you look forward to anything at all?

I think CBT can be good for this as can various ‘self-help’ books but you need to buy into it and be open to rebuilding some foundations of who you are comfortable being.

RosieLemonade · 11/10/2021 14:11

@Tevion28

Some feelings are based off never having a dd
You could have had 12 sons and no daughter!
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/10/2021 14:13

I wonder how life has been for your son when you’ve been so dissatisfied with only having him. I hope you manage to get done counselling to help you move on.

RealBecca · 11/10/2021 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Hadtocomment · 11/10/2021 15:21

Dear OP. I just looked up POF which I didn't know anything about. Anxiety and depression were listed as things it can also cause. Have you discussed this with a doctor or looked at this aspect at all? I feel very sorry for you as it sounds like you've been dealing with a condition with various side effects. Could it be that depression and anxiety could be interacting with the grief or sustaining it and making you focus on this one part of your life? Perhaps it's worth asking a doctor about this? I also feel sorry for your sister who sounds like she's been living nearby and trying to involve you. After so long I'm not sure you can blame her for sending the pics. I imagine it was more of an including gesture. People do talk of their families particularly with other members of the family so I don't think it's very practical to think she can just never talk about them. Perhaps try and think through where there is a negative way of looking at it whether there is a more positive way of looking at it that you could choose to go with instead. That people are trying to include you in their lives and that your niece finally had another after difficulties is something you have unique insight of and maybe have a lot of understanding about rather than seeing it negatively as she being more lucky. Having gone through so much means you can understand when others go through things and gives you real insight and is so valuable to others as well.

I very much respect that despite it being hard for you, you sent your sister a nice message. That was a really nice thing to do. I hope you can get some help. Wishing you all the best.

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