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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to see cute baby pics

296 replies

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 18:59

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 19:15

Did you ever speak to anyone about your son in the last 18 years, to anyone who might have been silently grieving not having one, or another?

That time in the office when you grumble that you’re tired from a weekend of terrible twos, and the woman who people think doesn’t want kids silently composes herself, thinking, “I’d gladly be tired”.

You’ve got to be realistic.

1990b · 10/10/2021 19:15

No you don't respond. People have a right to announce their happy news, you don't know about what they might have been through even if you know them.

Also, you do have a child there many that would do anything for just the one.

Morgan12 · 10/10/2021 19:15

Maybe explain the situation? Would be easier for people to actually answer.

Original poster

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 19:15

Cocomarine I hate the brigade who think oh get over yourself its been 18 years awful attitude

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 19:16

@Tevion28

So do i respond

If you want to remain friends, yes. Just write some generic congratulations crap and send it. Then have a glass of something nice and feel pleased you responded in a nice way even though it was hard.

Plump82 · 10/10/2021 19:17

@Wannakisstheteacher

So you do have one child? Pretty self indulgent to want everyone to tip toe around you forever when you actually have a child - which as you know many, many couples would give their right arm for.

This. I have none, I desperately want one.

TheGrumpyGoat · 10/10/2021 19:17

Have you ever shown pictures of your child to people? When he was a baby/toddler etc?

JudgementalCactus · 10/10/2021 19:17

@ThinWomansBrain

have you ever shown people pictures of your first child - as a baby or older?

I too would like to see OP answering this question

Eviethyme · 10/10/2021 19:18

if you had no kids then fine but you have one DC count yourself Bloody lucky!!!!!!

Oh how dare anyone show baby pictures to someone WITH ONLY 1 CHILD ! How ever will you live. Get over it as there are plenty of babies out there.

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 19:18

But surely you can see it's not really sustainable for you never to see a family member or other loved one's picture of their new baby or even be sent a birth announcement for 18 years or however long it has been?

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:20

It’s been 18 years since what? Since you couldn’t have a second child?

Did you show photos of your child to anyone? If so you are a massive hypocrite

Get a therapist ASAP because this is so far from normal I can’t even explain.

I have no children not by choice, and even I can share happiness for someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 19:20

@Eviethyme

if you had no kids then fine but you have one DC count yourself Bloody lucky!!!!!!

Oh how dare anyone show baby pictures to someone WITH ONLY 1 CHILD ! How ever will you live. Get over it as there are plenty of babies out there.

I don’t think it’s fine really for someone with no kids to get angry at a good friend sending a birth announcement unless you’ve specifically told them you don’t want a photo. It’s a totally normal thing to do. You just have to put the fake grin on and send congratulations.

EmergencyHydrangea · 10/10/2021 19:21

I have only one child and it took twenty years to conceive her. I'm still happy when people I care about have more children

Swimmingwiththefishes · 10/10/2021 19:21

@Tevion28 not a single person has told you to get over it

They have merely pointed out the difference in someone who has suffered a loss recently and that may be deemed insensitive to share baby news, vs someone who had a loss 18 years ago who is not ever going to get over it but should really have accepted that life goes on for those around them

I suffered life changing health issues several years ago and live with it. But I don't expect my friends to never mention things they can do in their life that I can't. That would be unreasonable.

blueskyinjan · 10/10/2021 19:22

I understand you OP, I would remove all the friends that bring you down from your social media...there’s no point in engaging with it. That’s what I’ve done at any rate and I feel much better for it

PoppityPop · 10/10/2021 19:22

Are you talking about baby loss here or not having been able to have a second child (ie never getting pregnant again?).

Original poster

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 19:22

Its my sister who sent it of her grandchild not newborn about 2 months now saying I love this its so cute. The sister who knows how this episode in my life ruined me and that I only keep going for tbe grown up son I have.
I have had mental health issues ever since she knows abt it all

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 19:23

@Tevion28

Cocomarine I hate the brigade who think oh get over yourself its been 18 years awful attitude

That’s not what I said though.

If after 18 years you can’t cope with someone sharing you a baby photo, that’s gone way beyond the usual difficulty that many people have. To the point that I wouldn’t say “get over yourself” but I would certainly say “take active steps to manage this” - by which I would mean things like therapy, rather than asking people not to share their photos.

I’m not dismissing your right to feel sad… but I do think after 18 years you should work towards being able to hit like and say “cute!”.

mummyh2016 · 10/10/2021 19:23

I don't think YABU however wouldn't you have felt left out and sad if you hadn't been contacted or included?
One of my friends has been TTC for a couple of years and nothing has happened for her. There are 2 of us in our group of friends who are expecting at the moment. My friend has been pretty quiet and I'm not expecting to see her during my pregnancy or see her with the baby in the future. Which is fine and I completely understand. However am I meant to not tell her when my baby arrives? I don't want her to think I've been talking behind her back and leaving her out but your post is making me think I shouldn't tell her?

willithappen · 10/10/2021 19:23

OP I think a bit more information your side may help explain things better

I can understand these things may upset you but I do agree that you are unreasonable to think that everyone should stop putting these things up. Unfortunately it's your responsibility to remove yourself from these situations if it has this affect on your mental health. Delete the social media, tell the friend you don't want to see pictures/be told about their new baby, block the ads etc
Do your friends know you don't want to know about the birth of their child?

Pongo101 · 10/10/2021 19:24

This really isn't meant to be goady or insensitive but where does the line begin and where does it end?
If your child has their own child will you want to see cute pictures of them?
What about a niece or nephew?
A friend's baby?
A colleague's?
A cute baby picture driving past a billboard?
what pictures are triggering in which situations? And are the people around you aware? Have you told them or are they supposed to intuitively know?
Usually if you tell (decent) people something is hurtful then they syop doing it.

PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 19:24

@Tevion28

Its my sister who sent it of her grandchild not newborn about 2 months now saying I love this its so cute. The sister who knows how this episode in my life ruined me and that I only keep going for tbe grown up son I have. I have had mental health issues ever since she knows abt it all

Have you actually told her you don’t ever want to see baby pictures of their new grandchild? That’s quite an extreme position most people wouldn’t expect.

willithappen · 10/10/2021 19:24

@Tevion28

Its my sister who sent it of her grandchild not newborn about 2 months now saying I love this its so cute. The sister who knows how this episode in my life ruined me and that I only keep going for tbe grown up son I have. I have had mental health issues ever since she knows abt it all

Okay yes you are BU and I think you need to get some professional help

Original poster

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 19:27

I will come back to post in a moment

OP posts:

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:27

Get help ASAP

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