To not want to see cute baby pics

[Tevion28]

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

Well I'm.pretty certain that people are not affected by my selfishness as you call it im sure they are just getting on with it and not giving me a second thought.

My only biological child is buried in my garden. After 10 years I became a mom to an amazing son through adoption. He has complex special needs and it's hard at times but I am the luckiest person I know.
It's ok to grieve, but you sound stuck in it. Your son is a blessing. You need therapy. I feel for you, but it's not normal to grieve for 18 years for a fictional daughter you may have never had.

Get better for yourself and your son. You deserve to be content.

Josette77
I'm sorry about your loss how old was your child that died.

Its not just about a daughter I would have been happy with a son

You sound very unwell OP, I hope you can get the help you need. FWIW I am an only child, and I was always very happy about that! I have gone on to have an only child who is 20 now, and happily started at uni. He has never wanted siblings either, and is very independent, as am I. So please don't fixate on the only child thing, as many of us would have it no other way.

Maybe I'm unwell I don't understand why I have reacted so extremely to this the truth is that I don't understand myself and feel there is a underlying problem I am waiting on an assessment for ASD although not sure if I have that.

@Tevion28 have you had your hormone levels monitored either at the time of your diagnosis or recently? Don’t underestimate the impact that haywire or non-existent hormone levels can have on mental health.

Your reactions seem to fall outside of normal ranges and timescales. If that’s not an Avenue you’ve perused I think it would be worth it alongside anything else like ASD assessments.

I don’t think anything is going to be a straight fix but I’m convinced that there’s something else preventing you being able to reconcile yourself to your situation. I don’t believe there are many people who would actively choose to be so unhappy for so long. If nothing else it must be utterly exhausting for you.

It took 10 years and much heartache to get my firstborn. A 2nd is unlikely now as I wanted to enjoy DS before going down the IVF route again & now I’m 41 and fat. Will still try but I love DS1 so much I think I will be ok either way. Focus on your actual child rather than the hypothetical one, focus on making happy memories with them, and you’ll be ok. If social media is getting you down then come off it.

@Tevion28

Well I'm.pretty certain that people are not affected by my selfishness as you call it im sure they are just getting on with it and not giving me a second thought.

Your son will definitely be affected.

You do need help OP, like PP have said it's not normal or healthy to think like this for 18 years.

Cornettoninja hormones on the last go about 11 years ago I remember my fsh was 62. I did have some hormone replacement for a time not sure if it helped it tbh but then I was due for a review and couldn't sum up the energy and was worried abt breast cancer so I just randomly stopped. I haven't had any recent tests because I don't see the point despite the fact I am always hot in the head and frequently strip off

My son knows there has been a problem but I've always given q reasonable projection of happiness and showed him.great care and told him many times I love him and he says he loves me too. I think he is okay I hope.

@Tevion28

My son knows there has been a problem but I've always given q reasonable projection of happiness and showed him.great care and told him many times I love him and he says he loves me too. I think he is okay I hope.

Wishing you and your son the best. Just try to be grateful for the blessing you have and hopefully you can look forward to beautiful grandchildren and enjoy your future years. A lot of horrible and bad things happen in the world and I think we should always be grateful for everything we do have.

@Tevion28, I need to stress I’m not a HCP but have a few in my social circle, there has been a little bit of a revolution about menopause and it’s management lately (a couple of them are practically evangelical about it and the things women are living with that they don’t need to be). I really think it’s worth exploring, if you’re able to access a specialist clinic/support please take the opportunity.

Again, there is no ‘fix’ for your experience but I really want you to be able to find some peace and happiness.

I don’t think you are BU - if you were my friend I’d be sensitive about it but if I was you I’d also ‘mute’ them on social media etc.

I have withdrawn from Facebook tbh I find that if I don't involve myself it helps.

@Tevion28

When my dp at the time agreed to a second dc I was so happy and looking forward to another that I was straight away looking for prams cots etc I even bought some clothes in anticipation im sorry if pof devastated me at this time but it was horrible horrible horrible.

Aww your poor DS was only a tiny toddler when you already wanted and was planning for a girl. I really hope it didn’t affect him throughout his life

for everyone on this thread who has lost a DC and for those who can’t have DC.

You really need to start counting your blessings OP.

YABVU ... could explain all the many reasons why, but it's already been adequately covered by the many responses above OP.

In short. It's normal to share news. We all have our own hurt, and this is yours.

Good idea for withdrawing from Facebook...there’s a lot of fakeness on there. Perhaps your relationships with your family might be stronger if not lived through the rose tinted lens of Facebook
Do you have a close friend in real life you can chat to about how you feel? Or someone to go for walks and have coffee with and talk about other interests with?
I’ve struggled with infertility for years and I find narrowing my connections to people I know truly care or have empathy has really helped me...I also have a few friends that I’ve never disclosed my struggles too but we share similar interests and it has taken my mind of the infertility x

I don't have friends I'm a bit of a loner

I had a recent call with a mental health nurse and she suggested I may be spending too much time on my own. I have been suffering with alot of agitation and coming out with alot of vocal sounds and shouts etc and she thinks some angst is releasing itself in this way. I'm waiting for a calmer to be prescribed.

It's not good to isolate yourself, even if you are a loner.

But you will need to get out of the victim mentality to keep friends.

If you speak with anyone, they will have had their own problems through life.
You're not the only one who hasn't been able to have a second child.
Virtually nobody has all they want in life. And some end up regretting getting what they want.

I wouldn't use the term selfish, but it's certainly self centrered.
My suggestion would be to give yourself to others. It can be through a charity, or voluntary work. Or simply to be with people and be there for them.