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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see cute baby pics

296 replies

Tevion28 · 10/10/2021 18:59

I dont think people understand how traumatic it can be to have never had your 2nd dc and end up depressed and these people know the effect its had on your life but think its okay to triumphantly announce births to you and pics of the new arrival.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 20:00

Judging by your other threads about your son going to uni this term, it sounds that may have exacerbated your reaction?
If so, I think it’s fair to assume that your sister would have not realised that - and that something that was shared when he was still home wouldn’t have been as upsetting then. This is a 2 month old picture of her first grandchild - surely she has already shared something about them? I don’t think you can be hard on her not realising, as you seem to think she should in your OP.

olivehater · 10/10/2021 20:04

Op I understand it’s hard but so is anything nice on social media for someone who doesn’t have it x
I had a shit dad who I am now estranged from. So all the posts on Father’s Day saying how amazing their dad are make me sad. Unless you post nothing except your dinner then you are probably upsetting someone. Just don’t go on social media.

Caligraph · 10/10/2021 20:06

[quote Cocomarine]@Caligraph excellent post.[/quote]
Thank you - that's kind of you. I've experienced similar and I know it isn't easy.

BloggingHeavan · 10/10/2021 20:09

@Tevion28

My son has gone to university and is so much happier and I feel that its because his life was awful as a only
The reason he is much happier could be much closer to home...
PurpleDaisies · 10/10/2021 20:11

This sounds like it’s really about your son being at university and you being alone for the first time in a long time.

Maybe calling the Samaritans for someone to just chat to while you’re feeling down could be a good plan.

FilthyforFirth · 10/10/2021 20:16

Why are you going to grow old alone when you have a son? He may well have his own family which you will be part of.

I feel pretty bad for your son to be honest...

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 10/10/2021 20:20

How does you son feel? Knowing that he was not enough? That you were perpetually unhappy living in your sorrow?

BritWifeInUSA · 10/10/2021 20:21

It’s life, I’m afraid. We never even had one child but have had to “endure” the happy announcements of the births of over 20 nieces and nephews, countless births of children of friends and co-workers and more.

You can’t expect others to put their lives on hold just because yours didn’t work out the way you wanted.

ineedsun · 10/10/2021 20:25

It’s world mental health day today, we might not understand the OP’s perspective, and might logically see things very differently but she’s clearly struggling so perhaps in the spirit of the day, we could either try and empathise with her feelings or scroll past?

parentinghelp1 · 10/10/2021 20:28

That's life OP you can't expect people to not share with you because of it.

I totally empathise as I have not yet hand DC keep having miscarriages and still childless but I don't expect the world to stop sharing because of my situation.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 10/10/2021 20:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Barbie222 · 10/10/2021 20:33

OP, please ask for this post to be taken down. Please reach out for some help with your feelings over the next few days - Samaritans, a charity dealing with loss, something like that maybe? I think you are in need of some help before your psychiatric evaluation, I wouldn't wait that long.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/10/2021 20:36

@Barbie222

OP, please ask for this post to be taken down. Please reach out for some help with your feelings over the next few days - Samaritans, a charity dealing with loss, something like that maybe? I think you are in need of some help before your psychiatric evaluation, I wouldn't wait that long.
Agreed
Imagineit · 10/10/2021 20:38

@ineedsun

It’s world mental health day today, we might not understand the OP’s perspective, and might logically see things very differently but she’s clearly struggling so perhaps in the spirit of the day, we could either try and empathise with her feelings or scroll past?
This

People. Some very harsh comments here. However much you want to judge OP please have some compassion for a person struggling

PFBMadness · 10/10/2021 20:40

OP I say this kindly, you sound like you need help to manage this.

I really do appreciate the pain of infertility, it took me years and many many losses to conceive my son and I will never have more because of my condition.

But it's been 18 years, it really isn't normal to only be living for your son because 18 years ago you were unable to have a second child or to feel like you'll grow old and lonely / have it ruin your life. That's not okay, that needs help and anyone saying it's normal really isn't helping imo.

Also, I thought this was going to be some random friends baby but this is your great niece/nephew, they are your family. My aunty loves my son to pieces, she has pictures of him around the house and loves coming to see him, he's very much a part of her family. Do you feel like this when anyone in your direct family has a baby? What about if your son ever has a child?

Lucythewonderdog · 10/10/2021 20:42

I had to hide certain friends on SM who were posting pics of their parents and #family crap after I was orphaned (not as a child but still fairly young). When I got over it I unhid you are being massively U

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2021 20:42

People are responding as they are because OP is in danger of causing real damage to the relationships she has with her family. A rift with her sister that could be avoided by a simple “aww” or “he/she is lovely” would add to her woes and loneliness.

SnowyQueen · 10/10/2021 20:46

@Tevion28 YABU. You have a healthy ds. Many MANY people cannot have dc or they have disabled or terminally ill dc. Did you show off your ds’s baby pics? You sound so bitter. Like one of those nasty Edwardian great aunts in films who no one approaches.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 10/10/2021 20:46

@Tevion28

My son has gone to university and is so much happier and I feel that its because his life was awful as a only
He is happier because it is a normal progression for an 18 year old to leave home and spend time with peers and growing up. Not because he was an only.
PFBMadness · 10/10/2021 20:51

[quote SnowyQueen]@Tevion28 YABU. You have a healthy ds. Many MANY people cannot have dc or they have disabled or terminally ill dc. Did you show off your ds’s baby pics? You sound so bitter. Like one of those nasty Edwardian great aunts in films who no one approaches.[/quote]
Please read the full thread, OP actually sounds like she's really struggling. I don't think the way she's feeling is right but she doesn't sound well.

Dentistlakes · 10/10/2021 20:56

It’s incredibly difficult to gauge how to approach someone who has suffered infertility or the loss of a baby. Some don’t want to engage at all regarding other people’s baby news and others would hate to be excluded.

We went through 8 years of IVF to have our first child and I hated to feel people were afraid to share their happy news with me because of it. It actually made me feel worse and excluded at a time I felt different enough. I really sympathise op. It’s such a difficult thing to deal with and although I don’t have experience of secondary infertility, I appreciate it’s a really tough thing to face.

Wannakisstheteacher · 10/10/2021 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Dentistlakes · 10/10/2021 20:59

As an aside, I have many friends who have stopped at one child, both through choice and because they weren’t able to have any more. All their children are wonderful and well adjusted and in a lot of ways they have many advantages over their peers with siblings.

NortieTortie · 10/10/2021 21:00

That is your great niece :( I'm very glad to hear you're getting help. I hope you heal enough to cope with, if not enjoy, the children born into your family and especially from your son if he chooses.

PurpleOkapi · 10/10/2021 21:00

@Tevion28

My son has gone to university and is so much happier and I feel that its because his life was awful as a only
If your son's life was awful, it's not because he was an only child. I will say, though, that having a parent who's so obsessed with having been denied another child can't have been pleasant for him growing up. It probably made him feel like he wasn't enough, like he must have been lacking in some way.

Creating needless drama with his other relatives can't have been good for him, either. When he has children of his own (which may not be long, if he's already 18), are you going to refuse to look at pictures of your own grandchildren because seeing babies is painful? Are you going to be angry with him for wanting you to see them? Are you going to refuse to see those grandchildren or build a relationship with them because it's too painful?

Or are you going to suck it up, get over yourself, and keep your feelings in check because you're an adult and this is important to people you love?