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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
itsallgoingpearshaped · 10/10/2021 13:26

YABU. Every family's circumstances is different, and your failure to recognise that and snide comments about other people's failures to give them a 'good start' without such recognition doesn't speak well of you.

ZimZamZoom · 10/10/2021 13:26

I wouldn't "charge rent" in the sense of a landlord making a profit to pay my own mortgage. But, from an adult offspring, staying medium to long term, yes, I think it's only right that they pay towards the food/bills.
It was only me and my mum at my home. As soon as I had a full time job on leaving school, I paid the council tax, the phone bill and 50% of the supermarket shop. Along with buying all my own clothes.
It taught me financial responsibility.

Mumski45 · 10/10/2021 13:27

@Hdhshxhs I think the rude comments are due to the way you worded your title as it's sounds like a judgement on those who do charge 'rent'.

I think whether or not it is right or wrong depends on individual circumstances and it can be the right thing to do for many households.

In your circumstances I can see why you haven't as it sounds like you have sensible adult DC who are working hard to save for the future.

However not all young adults are like this and some need a stronger lesson in money management and in those circumstances I think it can be appropriate to expect a contribution to the household income from a working adult whether you call it 'rent' or not is irrelevant.

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 13:27

@Auroreforet yes definitely. My oldest is very responsible, however I would not be happy with a 26 year old living at home wasting all their wages with nothing to show for it.

OP posts:
Alpacinoshoohaa · 10/10/2021 13:27

It's impossible to say op as loads of others have said. People fall on hard times and need the £.

However I do loathe the mentality that some people have when their dc hit 18 that it's time for hard times and a hard miserable life!!

If people arnt happy with the it young adults, go and look in the mirror!!

You raised them!

If I was able to live OK without charging then I wouldn't but I also might charge to save for the child as well.
Totally depends really.. At the moment I have two with opposite end of the spectrum in terms of saving and money.

But if I was concerned about myself 18 I would look to myself to see what to do.

AFuturisticalSound · 10/10/2021 13:28

[quote Hdhshxhs]@AFuturisticalSound what can I say, if you're not going to read the whole post and the scenario I was specifically referring to then I can't help you 😂[/quote]
I read every word of your post, I literally quoted it.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 10/10/2021 13:29

I lost my disability premium and tax credits etc when DS1 turned 18 he earns £300 a week and pays me £50 per fortnight which goes towards bills. He's paid this for the past year. He has use of my car too as I rarely drive these days

Flavabobble · 10/10/2021 13:31

I think; if my 25-year old, earning more than me, expected me to support him financially and that he contribute nothing to the household budget, that I'd spectacularly failed as a parent.

I wouldn't charge a child in full time education working part time, but as soon as they're working full time they need (and should expect) to pay their way.

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 13:32

@AFuturisticalSound then you will have read that I was speaking in relation to a situation with a friend of mine, not the one you made up :)

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 10/10/2021 13:33

I have two adult Ds's living at home. I don't charge them rent because we are mortgage free but if I did have high rent to pay then yes I would definitely ask them for a contribution.

AhNowTed · 10/10/2021 13:33

@Flavabobble

I think; if my 25-year old, earning more than me, expected me to support him financially and that he contribute nothing to the household budget, that I'd spectacularly failed as a parent.

I wouldn't charge a child in full time education working part time, but as soon as they're working full time they need (and should expect) to pay their way.

Absolutely.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 13:33

[quote Lagomtransplant]@BlanketPiggy

I'd go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof and I'd be mightily ashamed of myself if my thought process was akin to yours.[/quote]
Nice. Judge everyone who doesn't have the skills to look after their elderly relatives. My gran thrives in her care home which specialises in dementia care. My mum would struggle to look after her and not do as good a job of it as the trained care staff.

supadupapupascupa · 10/10/2021 13:33

I was told i was in full time education I kept part time wages.
If I was working then I would give half of wages to parents. Half of this (a 1/4 of the total ) would be put by as savings and returned.

AlwaysLatte · 10/10/2021 13:36

I personally would never charge them unless I wanted to do it to help them learn how to budget, in which case I'd save the money for them and give it back to them toward their house deposits. We had my adult stepsons with us on and off, sometimes, with girlfriends and we never charged them anything.
If money is tight it would be helpful if when they're working they could contribute though.

Creamsoda77 · 10/10/2021 13:36

I would never charge my adult child to live in their own home, my parents did not do it for me, its very odd !!

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 13:36

@Babyroobs

I have two adult Ds's living at home. I don't charge them rent because we are mortgage free but if I did have high rent to pay then yes I would definitely ask them for a contribution.
We are mortgage-free, but still charge a (nominal) contribution towards filling the fridge. They both have expensive tastes.
BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 13:36

Thanks @CallmeHendricks you defended all those who have had to find care homes for their elderly relatives. It isn't easy and could do without all the judgement.

Standrewsschool · 10/10/2021 13:36

“N o matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home “

Charging children rent, doesn’t stop them being children, and doesn’t make them any less welcome. What is does do is makes them more responsible and aware that things cost money. They are not growing up to be cocklodgers.

I’m charging my 19 year old rent. It’s a lot less than his older dc pays who lives away and pays rent, food, bills (since the age of 18). Dc2 is alsoexpected to contribute to household chores (he has just hoovered).

Londonnight · 10/10/2021 13:37

I don't see a problem of asking for a contribution to house hold costs once an adult child is working. My son earns more than me [ single parent household ], and he knew from early teenage years that he would have to help towards household costs once he was an adult and working. He has never begrudged this, and pays a percentage of his wages to our household bills. He still has a lot of his wages left to himself once he gives me some.

There is no way he could rent a place on what he gives me, or pay for all bills as well, so he gets a bargain living at home still. But at least he realises the financial costs of things and that life isn't free, things still have to be paid for.

Bathshebahardy · 10/10/2021 13:38

If you were a single pensioner and your well paid 40 year old DC was living at home, would you still say it's not fair to take money from your adult DC?

Brefugee · 10/10/2021 13:39

Bully for you, OP. Others can't afford it - once you're earning why not pay for your keep? and allowing them to save for a deposit is lovely. Others can't afford it.

Your OP comes across as a judgy stealth boast

Redredwiney · 10/10/2021 13:39

Do rent and mortgage payments go up once a child hits 18? I never realised that at all.

(I’m not talking about those on benefits, where there is actually a difference)

CouldBeOuting · 10/10/2021 13:40

I had to give my mother one third of my earnings (even when it was just a Saturday job at 14 yo). When I left home at 18 my half of the mortgage was less than I’d been paying to stay in the family home.

DD left home for uni (and has stayed in her old uni town) and rents with slowly decreasing support from us. DS is adult but still in education. He will only be asked fir a contribution to his costs when he starts earning.

AllWaxedOut · 10/10/2021 13:40

So you're happy to be living like a pauper on £100 a month, while your adult children are swanning around with a huge disposable income? Confused All off of your back?

Would they not be embarrassed to see their parent(s) struggle, while keep in all their money to themselves? Not even paying for their own food?? Until what age?

Doesn't sound like a great set up to me.

starrynight21 · 10/10/2021 13:41

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore
Nobody is suggesting that "you can't afford to have them around" the second they turn 18. The normal thing is that when they have a job , and are still living at home, it is expected that they will contribute to the home expenses. They are adults, earning money, they eat, drink, use the utilities. Why on earth would they be able to do that AND have all their money to spend on themselves ?

My DC paid about 20% of their earnings on board which I used to keep the house running. I thought it would be wrong to give them the impression that life is free if you're living off your parents. NOT a good start in living an independent life.

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