Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
moose62 · 10/10/2021 13:14

Both my children lived at home during the pandemic. They both earn substancially more than me now. I paid for their accomodation all the way through university which when added up came to approx £38,000.
They both paid me £300 per month rent.....which paid for their food, electricity, heating and I even threw in their ironing! I felt that was fair enough as I was also working through the pandemic. Even paying me rent they both managed to save a substancial amount so no, I dont feel guilty at all.

notacooldad · 10/10/2021 13:15

I think everyone circumstance are different.
I am in a comfortable position financially at the moment.
I didn't charge ds1 and dont charge Ds2.
If it was 15 years ago I probably would have done because I was so broke and a struggling.

I don't buy into the idea that "paying rent " teaches them the value of things and how to budget. I tought the kids that years ago. I'm watching ds save for his car insurance which is over 2k and also buy tools for his trade which will last hopefully for years. He is also saving up for a house deposit. He doesnt need another chunk of money coming to me when I dont need it.
I keep hearing these suggestions about taking money from your child and save it and then give it back to them as a nice surprise. I think that is ridiculous. Ds has his savings accounts and his investments. His money is better placed in these accounts rather than me having a ' surprise surprise' moment at some point in the future.
There is no right or wrong, each family does what is best and fair for their situation.

AFuturisticalSound · 10/10/2021 13:17

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore
What can I say, if you're too stupid to understand that for single parents there's a triple whammy of child benefit, maintenance and council tax discount stopping when your eldest turns 18 I guess you are probably also too stupid to know that people are different

Why do you care whether anyone else charges their children board?

Whitefire · 10/10/2021 13:17

@nameswap48

I'm telling you now, NO MATTER WHAT their health situation, I will learn, I will train up, but into a care home they are NOT going if it's the last thing I do.

Are you sure it's what they would want? If I get to the point I need help with toileting I'd rather be in a home than have my children do that, for their and my sake. My mum has said the same. She had to do that kind of care for my grandmother. It's not just about you, but what is best for the the person needing care, in some situations a residential/nursing home will be the best option for them, medically and emotionally.

Earlier this year when my mother in law was in hospital and put onto an end of life care plan, she chose to go to a care home and not back home, we supported her in that choice as it was hers to make.
godmum56 · 10/10/2021 13:17

I would say that its not your business to judge others

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 13:18

@AFuturisticalSound

There really is a lot of stupid and naive people on here. The privilege is showing.

Pinkprawns · 10/10/2021 13:18

Bit of a silly AIBU because there are so many scenarios! In general, I think if an adult child moves home while they are working then yes rent is appropriate, how much is down the the individual.

If it's a short term arrangement agreed to help them save for a deposit etc then that's different.

But also, if an adult child is struggling and maybe unemployed then again I would help them get on their feet.

But rarely, does anyone learn anything or build the wherewithal to succeed, from being given an entirely free ride. But it completely depends on the circumstances!!

midnight90 · 10/10/2021 13:18

When I moved back in to my parents house I had to pay rent. They sat me down and asked if it would be ok for me to do this, we came up with how much for food/washing/ect. I was fine with it as I needed to pay my way now that my washing is being done and I'm using the kitchen appliances ect. Things like that don't grow on trees

elfycat · 10/10/2021 13:19

My DDs are still children (10 and 12), but if they live with me and are working then yes I will charge them some rent (to include food etc) as why the hell should any grown-ass working adult get to live for free?

Of course this will dependent on situations, I'm not charging uni student working in the holidays for rent if they stay with me. If they are on the minimum wage for their age and it's less than if they were 25+ it will be a minimum contribution.

I could probably afford not to charge rent even if they stay longer term, but why should they get more disposable income because I give up mine to support them?

Mind you I pay them minimal pocket money, and they have to 'earn' the rest by keeping rooms clean (never seem to pay out that one as I pick up laundry etc), reading 5 times a week, putting laundry away, and going off to swimming lessons without whinging at me.

InFiveMins · 10/10/2021 13:20

I agree with you OP. Would never charge my children and my own parents didn't charge any of us either.

RosesAndHellebores · 10/10/2021 13:21

We are very comfortable. We haven't expected anything yet. DS is still studying (PhD). DD is working before a Masters or similar next year.

However, once their education is finished I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a contribution £50pw towards food, utilities, cleaner, etc. Not rent per se but they have to pay their way a little else they are just continually bank rolled and I don't believe that is good

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 13:21

@AFuturisticalSound what can I say, if you're not going to read the whole post and the scenario I was specifically referring to then I can't help you 😂

OP posts:
TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 13:21

without handing over money to parents to live in your own childhood home

What a snarky little comment 😂

AFuturisticalSound · 10/10/2021 13:22

@Kolingpursey

I'd never charge, unless I really need the money and couldn't afford food bills etc. There are a lot of other ways to make a child responsible and I fear many people shamedly use this as an excuse to charge their own kids for living in their own home. I do find it disgusting tbh. Apparently not the popular opinion here but it may be a cultural thing, a North South divide thing, a class thing, I don't know and don't care. Have never seen it elsewhere in Europe. Not in my family nor my friends. A family should be one unit.
Why would anyone need an excuse? An excuse to whom?You don't have to report to anyone what monetary arrangements you have

Your post is odd, how could it possibly disgust?

Tailendofsummer · 10/10/2021 13:22

We are timing our retirement for when the dc are able to be independent. So from around 22 we wouldn't have the money to pay for extra food, heating etc without a contribution.
That's the plan anyway, who knows what will happen

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 13:22

@InFiveMins

I agree with you OP. Would never charge my children and my own parents didn't charge any of us either.
And you're obviously in a fortunate position to not have to ask for help from your children then, aren't you?
user1487194234 · 10/10/2021 13:22

Mine are all at Uni which we are fully funding
If they moved home post Uni other than just for a short time to find their feet I probably would ask them to pay something
Not for my bills so much but as a contribution to their food drink etc My 2 boys are bottomless pits
I wouldn't do their saving for them,I think that infantilises them

Gracex · 10/10/2021 13:24

I think any child who works and lives rent free is a mean, selfish, ungenerous sponger. I didn't pay for my keep every month but would pay any vet bills, pay towards big purchases eg shutters and I also got the monthly shopping delivery. How any one can not want to contribute is beyond me.

AhNowTed · 10/10/2021 13:24

We don't need the money at all.

DS is 26. When he was working full time we charged what I consider a bargain £300 a month.

You are doing them no favours by teaching them that living is free.

There is also a dignity in paying your way, which you are denying them.

expatmigrant · 10/10/2021 13:25

I guess it depends on financial circumstances. We do not charge our adult children rent because we live in London area and they would never get on the housing ladder if they couldn't save for a deposit.

Auroreforet · 10/10/2021 13:25

@Hdhshxhs would you feel differently if your dc were frittering away their wages?
I charged both mine 20%. We didn't need the money but I felt it was important that they understand financial responsibility.

amusedtodeath1 · 10/10/2021 13:25

So many people who genuinely don't understand how the majority live. If your adult children are earning, then they can contribute to the household expenses. That's how life works. No one will give them free rent once they leave home, why would you not take the opportunity to teach them how to be a responsible adult, even if you can afford to keep them

If I could afford it I would put their contribution into a bank account to go towards a deposit for their first home.

AFuturisticalSound · 10/10/2021 13:26

@Hdhshxhs

Ofc if financials are tight and the parents are struggling then I can see why people charge rent

My point was mostly in relation to friends of mine who are comfortable charging their kids rent (about £350 a month I think) whilst the kids are also trying to save for a house
It just seemed a bit sad to me that they do this when they don't have to

Why aren't you asking your friends? How can strangers tell you why they act they do Confused
TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 10/10/2021 13:26

It entirely depends on circumstances. Everyone's situation is different.

My half brother and sister both pay rent to my mum. She can barely afford food as it is, so there is no lovely, privileged discussion about whether or not it is "right". They pay rent because she can't afford to keep the lights on and put dinner on the table if they don't.

These kind of threads really annoy me.

Nightbringer · 10/10/2021 13:26

[quote Lagomtransplant]@CallmeHendricks

I'm telling you now, NO MATTER WHAT their health situation, I will learn, I will train up, but into a care home they are NOT going if it's the last thing I do.[/quote]
You will train to be a dementia specialist? If diagnosed? Heart specialist? Stroke specialist?

When? You are going to train in all these things to a professional level?

Swipe left for the next trending thread