To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

Dont charge your kids rent, encourage them to save instead for a house, I don't get it.....................

I resent the implication that those of us "charging" contributions are somehow mean and cruel parents.
We brought our two up in what many would say were luxury conditions. They had opportunities to learn all sorts of expensive hobbies (skiing, piano, flute, fencing, tennis etc), were fully funded through university, had gap years largely paid for by us, were taken all round the world on lovely holidays and had (small, old) cars bought for them. They have also been left substantial legacies by their grandparents.
No WAY am I also going to fund them now they are earning (quite large) amounts themselves!! They are repaying loans we've made them, are fully funding their own cars now (bought themselves) and are contributing towards the food/drink they consume.
Otherwise, what sort of spoilt brats would we have raised?

@Redredwiney

Do rent and mortgage payments go up once a child hits 18? I never realised that at all.

(I’m not talking about those on benefits, where there is actually a difference)

Mortgage payments don’t go up, but parents can’t get child benefit etc. So may have less income.

I wouldn’t charge them rent- it’s their home and always will be. However if my financial situation required it, I might ask them to chip in towards bills etc. I think there’s a big difference, conceptually, between adults sharing an expense together and one adult charging another rent.

Harsh to call it a stealth boast. My mum was a single parent living in council house on minimum wage and not once asked myself or my brother to contribute when we stayed at home.
We generally got our own food, but were never charged rent because she didn't think it was fair

OP
it just means that you have the means however small to continue to support them when they are working. Otherwise you would either be getting in debt to cover their costs or asking them to contribute Living at home can never be as much as living out even if you pay rent to mum and dad. Some parents cannot absorb the cost of a fully grown functioning adult child. Especially if there are younger children still in the family. But I think it's a bit strong to judge other families who do not have the means that you do.

@JumperandJacket

I wouldn’t charge them rent- it’s their home and always will be. However if my financial situation required it, I might ask them to chip in towards bills etc. I think there’s a big difference, conceptually, between adults sharing an expense together and one adult charging another rent.

Agree 100% its just wrong unless you are in financial hardship, at what point does it not become their home anymore, so sad :(

[quote Hdhshxhs]@Auroreforet yes definitely. My oldest is very responsible, however I would not be happy with a 26 year old living at home wasting all their wages with nothing to show for it.[/quote]
So you’d boot them out. Which makes this thread - and your rude judgementalism - pointless.

For me it's not about my situation and what I can or can't afford, but about their development into adults and learning what it means to be self sufficient.

When they're ready to buy their own place I'll probably give them a sizable lump sum for a deposit.

If they need to live rent free at mine for a particular reason between now and then, eg. if they're studying full time, have a period of time to pass before moving somewhere else, working and saving to travel, or whatever, I'm willing to talk about it and if it seems like the best thing for them I'm in.

But no way should they just assume that they don't need to worry about whether they're working or not because they can always live off me. I know people with "kids" who have come back from university, moved back in, done nothing about getting a job and are now pushing 30 doing bugger all but living on the internet all night and sleeping in till the afternoon every day.

It would be a total neglect of my duty as a parent to allow that to happen.

"I wouldn’t charge them rent- it’s their home and always will be."

Why would paying rent/contributing towards bills (don't see the difference, regardless of the terminology) mean it's not their home?

It's quite sad you struggle/have minimal money left at the end of the month and your DC dont offer to contribute.

I didn't have to pay that much rent (just top up the gas and electric weekly) but I would offer to buy us a takeaway etc because I was earning enough and felt like I was contributing to family life, not just claiming to be an adult but being supported like a child. I think it has done me well in life and even though my DCs are 3 and under I think I will do the same as my parents.

I never asked my children to contribute but one of the first things they all did was tell me they wanted to help out.
As a single parent household, we've been a 'team' for a long time and they would never see me struggle if they could help it. My only adult left at home recently increased the amount she pays me when she got a huge pay rise. I objected, she wouldn't have it.
As they've moved on and out, I've always been there to help out when they need it. They'd do the same for me (one of them did recently, was a Godsend actually)
Oh, and there's none of this "I'll just put it aside and give it back when they leave" either. No chance of being able to afford that. Their contributions went/go towards bills etc. and I'm grateful and proud that they are so caring and responsible.

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

What you don't understand that child benefits stop when the child becomes an adult? Really

I don't see my two struggling to still call this their home, as they relax in their newly-decorated and furnished bedrooms and watch endless Netflix on unlimited wifi on one of several HD TVs that we provide.
Oh, whilst hosting their friends round here too.

I’d go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof

It’s easy to say when you’ve not had to face it. Dementia in particular is a terrible disease to have to live with and frankly, until you’ve had to deal with your parent punching you and banging on windows to be let out, you can’t possibly know what you would do. It’s 24/7, you will barely sleep and your own children will fear coming home because they have no idea what they will be facing. I could have starved and frozen a hundred times only but I wasnot able to provide the care that she needed.

I think calling it charging rent or contribution or chipping in is all the same.
So those of you who are saying it's wrong to charge rent but ok to contribute to food bills etc- I don't see the difference. Ultimately if you charge rent it includes food and bills and unlikely to charge the full cost anyway so I I don't see the difference. It's a contribution and those who can afford to absorb the cost can do but it doesn't mean they are better parents or love their kids anymore.

I'm struggling financially. Every month I'm in my overdraft and my 17 yo son is expensive to feed, clothe, pay his phone contract, and travel expenses to school. I accept this; he's my responsibility. But everything has increased in price and I am the only wage earner and I am struggling to cover all our overheads.

Come the day he's out of school, working full time and bringing in a wage will I keep struggling on, paying for everything and letting him live here for free? Letting him enjoy the freedom of huge amounts of disposable income and no responsibility - free to spend and fritter whilst I scrimp and scrape to keep him?

Will I fuck.

And sadly, I won't be able to afford to charge him 'rent' and then put it in a savings account for him to give him as a gift when he finally moves out. I'm not sure why anyone would find this 'strange' unless they had absolutely no understanding that not everyone is comfortably off.

"It’s 24/7, you will barely sleep and your own children will fear coming home because they have no idea what they will be facing."

Exactly, and that's not to mention the fact that you could still be needing to go out to work yourself as well.

When I first qualified as a nurse back in the mid 90,s I moved back to my parents for a couple of years, i think they charged me about £130/month plus phone bills, my wage was about £900/month, honestly I could well afford it, it was the only time in my life when I had loads of spare money, my parents didn't lovingly present me with a cheque either when I left home again, I didn't need it, life is very different now, but as a young single nurse living at home the small amount I gave my parents for board was a pittance really.

@LadyGAgain

YABU to a point. It is important that these young adults pay their way. I'd be charging rent and putting it away to assist towards their deposit.

But you wouldn't be charging them rent. You'd be infantalising them by saving their money on their behalf as though you couldn't trust them to do it.

Ds pays £200 a month as his contribution to the household. He uses the electricity, eats the food, has his washing done and as we work in the same office, he gets a lift to and from work, and I pay the bridge tolls.

I think he gets a very good deal.

I have 2 adult sons at home and charge them next to nothing . One works on a building site and is absolutely covered in building materials daily so that extra washing comes at a price ( he’s only just moved back home and can’t afford to private rent ) . So that’s an extra 7 sets of clothes a week to wash and iron as well as probably extra 5 dinners and baths
My other adult son barely leaves his room and uses stupid amount of electric running his tv etc , he doesn’t eat much or cost me as much in washing but he has a massive double bedroom , it’s actually a triple , someone has to pay for the extra heating and leccy again I charge him very little but it all helps
I work 2 jobs and husband can’t ask for another pay rise he’s only just had one
Nice stealth boast though . Are you bored or out to pick fights or both ?
I bloody hate mumsnet sometimes . Full of sanctimonious wankers

So child benefit ends and thats it, they have to pay? If you decide to have kids you should support them, I never paid rent and I was perfectly capable and moved out to my own house at 21, its not a life lesson!

@willithappen

Harsh to call it a stealth boast. My mum was a single parent living in council house on minimum wage and not once asked myself or my brother to contribute when we stayed at home. We generally got our own food, but were never charged rent because she didn't think it was fair

And this is relevant how? Did you not think to offer?

I really don't get this talk of 'right ' or 'wrong' or people distinguishing between 'rent" and 'contributing'.
My son is 17 with a Saturday job. He already contributes by paying for his own phone and a TV sports package he wanted. I give him £30 a month towards lunches, anymore is down to him
If he decides to do an apprenticeship next year, I will lose more income than what he is earning. He will have to contribute more. I expect he would rather give me a set amount each month, rather than "chip in" for bills and food
When my son is 21, I will be a pensioner, with a not very big pension. Would it be ok then to charge him rent? Would it not be wrong for an adult working child to be living off a pensioner?