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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dbank · 12/10/2021 23:02

If they are earning, I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to to pay their share of the shared costs i.e.
Electricity, water, gas, insurance, broadband, council tax etc.

Nanny0gg · 12/10/2021 23:05

@Hdhshxhs

QueenBee52 You can be snarky like that if you like, it doesn't bother me. The way I see it is I am giving my kids a good start by allowing them to live at home for free so they can save up to buy their own homes. If your family works differently then that's fine, I came to hear different view points
What if your children stayed at home for ever? (It happens.)
Porcupineintherough · 12/10/2021 23:07

@Hdhshxhs or didnt save? Would that still be ok?

Daisz · 13/10/2021 07:44

@Lagomtransplant You are right, it is another British quirk. "Let's make a profit out of our children" and then they wonder why their adult children don't move on in life, after they have "charged" them to exist. It is an awful habit, but so ingrained in British culture that no one thinks anything of it.

countrygirl99 · 13/10/2021 07:49

[quote Daisz]@Lagomtransplant You are right, it is another British quirk. "Let's make a profit out of our children" and then they wonder why their adult children don't move on in life, after they have "charged" them to exist. It is an awful habit, but so ingrained in British culture that no one thinks anything of it.[/quote]
Bollocks. How us expecting some earning a wage to pay for the food they eat "making a profit" from them?

Youseethethingis · 13/10/2021 07:53

We all get "charged to exist" - why should any working adult be shielded from the reality? Confused

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/10/2021 08:25

Bollocks am I making a profit out my adult working kids. It goes on essentials food, electric, gas, petrol to get to work.

x2boys · 13/10/2021 09:12

[quote Daisz]@Lagomtransplant You are right, it is another British quirk. "Let's make a profit out of our children" and then they wonder why their adult children don't move on in life, after they have "charged" them to exist. It is an awful habit, but so ingrained in British culture that no one thinks anything of it.[/quote]
They would be charged a damn sight higher to exist if they didn't live at home, Hmm

shivawn · 13/10/2021 09:13

I wouldn't charge adult children to live at home but I would much much rather that they were out of the home for their own independence and life experience. To the point where I would give significant financial assistance to get them set up to live independently if needed. I moved out young and had a ball living in crappy house shares and run down flats in my late teens and early twenties.

It's really up to individual families to charge or not charge depending on their own means or beliefs, I don't think there's any right way.

BaileysforBreakfast · 13/10/2021 09:43

Shivawn: To the point where I would give significant financial assistance to get them set up to live independently if needed.

Now naice to be in a position where you can give 'significant financial assistance' to your adult children. Many can't.

TrufflyPig · 13/10/2021 09:50

I'm a little bemused at the number of people saying they would charge rent but then save it to give it back as a gift for a house deposit.

Is this not a bit patronising to young adults? 'well you could have saved this money yourself as we didn't actually need it but you couldn't be trusted not to spend it frivolously so here you go'.

Apologies if this has already been said, not read all 27 pages of the thread.

BrendaBubbles · 13/10/2021 09:55

well you could have saved this money yourself as we didn't actually need it but you couldn't be trusted not to spend it frivolously so here you go'.

I mean yeah it's not like there's any evidence that young adults are more likely to take more risks, spend money unwisely, or make bad judgments.

Daisz · 13/10/2021 10:06

Dare I say it, but are working class people more prone to doing this? as they are so used to claiming benefits that suddenly stop, so are conditioned to seeing their offspring as "cash cows" I actually know someone that was turfed out on their sixteenth birthday because that is when their parents benefits stopped.

ladygindiva · 13/10/2021 10:09

@Daisz

Dare I say it, but are working class people more prone to doing this? as they are so used to claiming benefits that suddenly stop, so are conditioned to seeing their offspring as "cash cows" I actually know someone that was turfed out on their sixteenth birthday because that is when their parents benefits stopped.
😱 I don't even know where to begin
Cookerhood · 13/10/2021 10:11

I see this in one of the papers today.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/10/2021 10:11

My benefits finished years ago, so no my adult kids are not cash cows. My eldest has £8000 in her bank account and could easily move out. She was at uni for 3 yrs and then came back 3 yrs ago, its only recently that she has got a good job.

I will still stand by her paying her way and she is happy to do so.

YourFinestPantaloons · 13/10/2021 10:19

@Daisz where to even begin with your posts.

Charging to exists? Living as an adult costs money. HTH

And I don't think you realise the benefits aren't measured on if you're working class or not 🤣🤣🤣 most benefit claimants I know are middle class and in underpaid 'naive' jobs while their working class counterparts are earning £90k a year as plumbers. That's just my own experience, but I wanted to let you k ow that not only/all WC people claim benefits.

Also using children as a cash cow - I'd love to meet the person who is charging their adult child so much that they actually pay mortgage, bills and food and actually make a profit out their kids at the end of it. The parents are the ones being cash cows.

Maybe you should have stuck in better at school? Just a thought.

YourFinestPantaloons · 13/10/2021 10:22

And as for the 'you chose to have children' (therefore they should have to pay to exist) crap - well I didn't choose to be born either. Should my parents still pay my way at nearly 40? And my children's? But hang on....my parents also didn't choose to exist. So it's up to my grandparents to foot the bill? And so and and so forth....how about we just do what makes logical fucking sense? Just throwing that wild theory out there,

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 13/10/2021 10:33

It's totally acceptable for young people (when in full-time and/or well-paid employment) to be contributing to family household expenses. A weekly contribution of £50 or so isn't excessive and I'm sure no self-respecting young adult would think otherwise. Heck, it's a lot less than the going rate for a room in a house-share (unless living in the back of beyond).

I don't think many parents would regard it as making money out of their adult DC, just covering costs.

TheBlackArt · 13/10/2021 10:44

And I don't think you realise the benefits aren't measured on if you're working class or not 🤣🤣🤣

Exactly! What a total twat

PreparationPreparationPrep · 13/10/2021 10:44

@Daisz

Dare I say it, but are working class people more prone to doing this? as they are so used to claiming benefits that suddenly stop, so are conditioned to seeing their offspring as "cash cows" I actually know someone that was turfed out on their sixteenth birthday because that is when their parents benefits stopped.
WC People I know are employed / workers -hardly any on benefits - even if they lose their job - they find another as that is the work ethic. some benefit claimants are mc too. I know a couple From mc families who have had a very good education, but are on benefits becomes with all the best intentions in the world sometimes life does not go according to plan - the difference is even though they are on state benefits they still have some kind of financial support from family - so you wouldn't really know. But what you are forgetting is that most people on UC benefits are working - full time it is the pay they receive that means the state recognise it is not enough to live on and so top up with UC or tax credits.
LaDamaDeElche · 13/10/2021 10:50

@Daisz

Dare I say it, but are working class people more prone to doing this? as they are so used to claiming benefits that suddenly stop, so are conditioned to seeing their offspring as "cash cows" I actually know someone that was turfed out on their sixteenth birthday because that is when their parents benefits stopped.
You can dare to say it, but you sound ignorant, classist and a bit of a wanker. The majority of those people you're talking about on UC are working. They just don't get paid enough to actually live, which is why the government recognises this and they receive UC.
vodkaredbullgirl · 13/10/2021 10:52

Hmm Yes I miss my £17 a week from tax credits.

Wtfdoipick · 13/10/2021 11:16

My daughter got a job in the local city after uni so moved home. My food bill, gas, electric and council tax all increased, she covers those increases which is a fraction of what it would cost to live independently. Still leaves plenty to save for a deposit and I also think the discussions about the costs are also very beneficial to being aware of just how much running a home costs. Thankfully she's a decent person who doesn't believe I should be out of pocket while she benefits.

Comedycook · 13/10/2021 11:19

If they're adults and working full time then of course they should contribute to the house they're living in. Why ever would they not?