To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

Most would spend the money anyway if I ever did this it’ll be to set up a high reward savings account to gift them on a later date when they intend to move out. They might as well grasp the concept of paying rent/ mortgage.

My first job in 1993 aged 18. My take home pay after tax was £600 and I paid my Mum and Dad £150 a month.
Never begrudged it.

@Blancmangetout

God, how many times is this thread subject going to get regurgitated? FFS. If people are able to afford to house adults free of charge, then great but equally it's not a heinous crime to charge board. This stupid debate needs to be left now. It is never agreed.

I haven't seen this topic before. Fair enough if it's the same people on the thread saying the same as before but it might be a new topic to a lot of us and clearly it's a contentious subject so will attract interest. Also someone with a 17 year old dc about to start Uni on a previous thread 5 years ago may now have different view once dc have left Uni and landed a well paying job. Or treating the home as if they were still 15. It's not like some threads on MN that are constantly regurgitated with slightly different heading but the same aim to figuratively speak call out to the same people for a mass pile on - on a certain couple.

I think if you can afford not to charge that's great. Another idea is to 'charge' them the money and save it for them and use that to help towards a deposit for their own house.
Me personally yes I do charge my son to live at home. He's 22 now with no desire to leave home or buy his own place. He's working full time on just a little less money than I earn.
I really don't see why I should be supporting him just because he doesn't want to leave home..if I was doing that where is the incentive to be independent?
I was asking him for £50 a week but recently increased it to £75 because the cost of living has gone up so much. He's more than happy to pay as he's looked at places to rent round here and knows he would be looking at double that just for rent.
I'd love to be in a position to be able to save up the money he gives me and give it him back at some point but realistically that's not an option.

@ilovesooty I found it, had to appear in the newspaper.

Some children stay at home until they are in their thirties! I really think they need to contribute towards household expenses if they can, even if it is only a token amount. They should also help with household chores, and repairs etc.

Don't forget child allowance goes at 16 is it? That lack must make quite a hole in some budgets.

[quote vodkaredbullgirl]@ilovesooty I found it, had to appear in the newspaper.[/quote]
Really Where?

Ignore that I've found it! Hmmmm

Just spotted this thread in a facebook post by The Mirror.

The people I know who do this are not spending the money on gin and cigarettes--they are putting into their child's housing deposit. It's a kind of structured savings scheme which helps to ensure that the adult child doesn't become too comfortable hanging around at home forever, and gets them used to the mindset for budgeting for housing expenses.

In the country where I live, parents don't usually do this, and the old customs of arranged marriage has died out. So young people have little incentive to move out and become independent, and they get used to the level of disposable income that they can enjoy as long as they live at home---moving out feels like a drop in living standards, and it becomes easy to keep putting it off. So living-at-home just drags on and in, with people still hanging around at home into their 30s. It's not great.

I will be doing the same for mine if they don't move out once they start earning, but every bit of it will be for their own housing deposits. And it doesn't have to be market rent levels--I'd look at what they are able to afford.

On the flip side, Asian families culturally never charge their kids rent and would be devastated if their kids wanted to move out due to being adults. I remember a friend from work who lived with her parents until she was around 30yo but had saved a very healthy deposit for a property and only needed a 13 year mortgage.

Yep--but in my opinion, this kind of thing only "works" if we are talking about a community where there are strong expectations of marriage and parents and other members of the extended family take a proactive role in encouraging the adult child to have their own family and even introducing potential partners.

Once that kind of culture disappearsin Japan, like I say, we are at this point nowyou are then left with an awkward situation that is neither one thing nor the other. There are now no strong cultural "push" factors pushing people towards marriage and family foundation, and the young adult can easily sink into a comfort zone where it's just too easy to continue to hang out at home and have plenty of cash for lunches and shopping.

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

Really????? DSS has just turned 18 and DP has lost £700 a month from maintenance from his mum and child tax/working tax credit. Add to that the fact that DSS now won't go and see his mum, he doesn't have to because he's 18, and he's not at college, meaning he's here ALL the time, eating food, having really long showers, washing his clothes as and when he needs each item .. so DP has lost a heck of a lot of money AND DSS is suddenly here more and costing more.

So yes, when they turn 18 of course it's possible they they can't afford them anymore. I'd love to live in your world.

My kids have all taken a year out - either between school and uni, or after uni and before a masters, travelling, whatever. They lived at home, took hospitality jobs and saved money. I decided I'd fund a year at home for each of them; I'm a single parent, so there was a massive whack extra to pay on council tax, never mind utility bills, food, etc. If they decide to stay longer, they know they'll need to contribute. Like many pp, I'll be stashing this away secretly in a fund for a future deposit. I'm in the lucky position to be able to afford this.

While of course my kids are always welcome here, they know the score - if they come back to work and have already 'spent' their free year, they'll be contributing. I somehow doubt any of them will, but the plan was to encourage independence: to realise there are costs to decisions - if it's free for them, someone else is picking up the tab - the need to find work once education is finished and while having home comforts is great, there comes a point when they need to strike out on their own. It would be completely different if (God forbid) one became ill or needed looking after for whatever reason. I'd do all I could to help.

There is no "one right way" to support your children into adulthood. Everyone's circumstances are different.

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

Because child benefits and Universal credit is cut when a child turns 18. So if you are a parent who has been relying on benefits to help finally support the family you may need your adult child to help towards paying the bills if they are working.

I think it is wrong to judge people for asking their adult children to pay for their accommodation when you do not know the family's financial situation.

Seeing all the replies, it appears that most people who do ask their working adult DC for keep, are asking for around £200 per month, which is what I do. If the adult DC is earning an average of £1200 take home per month, that is one-sixth of their earnings. In 1981, when I was living at home and earning £300 take home per month, I was expected to hand over one-third of my take-home pay and so were most of my friends.
The difference is that if my DC have sudden unexpected bills (like unexpected MOT failure Etc.), I will happily cover those, too, so they know that the safety net is still there. In the meantime, their contributions enable them to continue to live a reasonable lifestyle here and save some money for themselves. It’s not “scummy” at all, but a fair way to continue to provide them with a home taking account of their adult needs.

'God, how many times is this thread subject going to get regurgitated? FFS.'

Why click on it then! The clue is in the title .

I'm with you op. Once dc have jobs or part time jobs they can of course pay for their own nights out etc but no, I wouldn't expect 'board and lodge'. They are our dc you don't bill them for staying in their actual family home.

I moved back home during the worst of COVID because my landlord tried to raise rent prices. I am 28. I would be an absolute leech if I contributed absolutely nothing while working. Moving back home meant my mom lost her single person discount on her council tax and also I raised the cost of electric and gas. It's only fair I give something.

It's not about charging your children for the privilege of living in the family home - it's about working adults contributing to household costs. I'm not talking about children who are home for a short period (maybe after uni, between houses etc) but there are many adult children in their late 20s and 30s (and I even know some in their late 40s!) who still live at home and work full time. Do you really think their aging parents should pay for everything when the adult children are working full time. I just think it infantalises these adults to refuse any contribution from them. They're not being treated as equals in the household but are being looked after by mum and dad. It maintains the parent/child dynamic for far longer than I think is healthy.

It wasn't "the second they turn 18" in our house. It was when DSD was earning a decent wage in a full time job - which I think is entirely reasonable!

Climb down off your high horse OP before someone pushes you

Foofighter, think Op has already been pushed, they not come back.

Why should my money go on bills etc and my kids' money go on them? That's just unfair. I ask £100 a month, a token amount really as she is paying for driving lessons.

Each family is different and do what they can afford to do. If a child is from a wealthy family, I don't think it's right that as soon as kids 18, they are made to feel like they are overstaying their welcome in the family home and the purpose behind charging rent money is to encourage them to move out asap, which I have seen in some families. On the other end of the spectrum it isn't right for a lone parent working minimum wage to struggle to pay the bills while their adult children piss away their money and refuse to contribute. There has to be a balance, I do think most families get it right, but not always.

Like others have already mentioned, as soon as the child turns 18 the parent is no longer entitled to CB/UC for the child, if they are a single parent they aren't entitled to child maintenance from the other parent either, the single person council tax discount is no longer applicable, the combination of all this can add up to their income dropping hundreds of pounds overnight. Whilst an 18 year old doesn't rack up childcare costs, they do still cost money to feed and clothe!

@Kokeshi123

On the flip side, Asian families culturally never charge their kids rent and would be devastated if their kids wanted to move out due to being adults. I remember a friend from work who lived with her parents until she was around 30yo but had saved a very healthy deposit for a property and only needed a 13 year mortgage.

Yep--but in my opinion, this kind of thing only "works" if we are talking about a community where there are strong expectations of marriage and parents and other members of the extended family take a proactive role in encouraging the adult child to have their own family and even introducing potential partners.

Once that kind of culture disappearsin Japan, like I say, we are at this point nowyou are then left with an awkward situation that is neither one thing nor the other. There are now no strong cultural "push" factors pushing people towards marriage and family foundation, and the young adult can easily sink into a comfort zone where it's just too easy to continue to hang out at home and have plenty of cash for lunches and shopping.

Well it also depends on where they live, in my SouthEast Asian country rent in the city is not only expensive, laws to protect tenants are sketchy and houses are expensive. Makes no sense from people there to move out , and people from other areas have to rent anyway. The rest of the country is mostly a backwater and people marry young and move out .. so it's a moot point as to whether they stay home. A final point is that children staying home are still expected to follow parental standards/orders so it's not like you can do whatever you want.

Do you need the money and how much are they making?