To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

I doubt the OP will be back, as they rattled a hornets nest.

I paid since my first job at 16 years old!

My family didn't have much and it gave me responsibility having to give some board money. As I got better jobs my mom charged me more!

It taught me a bit about the cost of living/ budgeting.

I think it's a good thing. If parents are well off and don't need it- save it in an account to help the dc buy their first home- or give to a good charity!

We help with major purchases like cars/household appliances by adding to what they have saved themselves. They have been or will be given lump sums to help with buying their first home. It's not about the money for us, it's about treating them like adults.

I’m not sure how helping with major purchases is treating them like adults?

I paid 10% of my take home once I was out of uni and working full time. My parents paid for my wedding and have gifted me £10k recently and £20k 15 years ago so they’re not stingy and would never see me suffer. They did, however, teach me to budget and key life lessons. I’ll charge my dc 10% once they are working full time. It’s a token amount. Hopefully I’ll be in a position to save it and gift it to them.

Really not sure why the OP and others are congratulating themselves on being such amazing parents. Having kids isn't just about giving them stuff, but about shaping them to be good, kind and well balanced adults. If my children, as adults, still lived with me at home, and my disposable income was £100 a week, and I didn't ask them for money...bearing in mind (unless in the highly unlikely even they earn less than £25 a week through either work or benefits) they will have more disposable income than me...if they didn't so much as say "hey mum I'll pay for broadband/council tax/food", I'd be sorely disappointed that I'd raised such greedy, selfish scumbags. This is not a parenting win people.

@Wackaday

OP, I agree with you. I believe this is also down to cultural attitudes too. In white, UK households it is common for children to fly the nest young and often even when their kids have a weekend job in their teens, parents want a cut. On the flip side, Asian families culturally never charge their kids rent and would be devastated if their kids wanted to move out due to being adults. I remember a friend from work who lived with her parents until she was around 30yo but had saved a very healthy deposit for a property and only needed a 13 year mortgage.

Household contribution doesn't always mean paying money to stay. Adult children should help with chores, lightening the load of work, help with shopping and of course being good company to your parents is a nice way to pay them back too.

If you're poor and can't afford to house an adult child then your kid should have ther decency to contribute a reasonable amount towards the run cost.

And how many women who do this are expected to do 'women work' around the house or care for elderly relatives?

I wish people would stop with this cringey "oh it's not in X culture" - how about you take a little bit of a closer look into these other cultures you probably won't find it hard to spot the odd degree of misogyny and/or suffocation from parents

@YourFinestPantaloons

Really not sure why the OP and others are congratulating themselves on being such amazing parents. Having kids isn't just about giving them stuff, but about shaping them to be good, kind and well balanced adults. If my children, as adults, still lived with me at home, and my disposable income was £100 a week, and I didn't ask them for money...bearing in mind (unless in the highly unlikely even they earn less than £25 a week through either work or benefits) they will have more disposable income than me...if they didn't so much as say "hey mum I'll pay for broadband/council tax/food", I'd be sorely disappointed that I'd raised such greedy, selfish scumbags. This is not a parenting win people.

£100 a month this should have said

@skippy67

I agree with you OP. My ds is 24 and pays us "rent", which we put into a savings account for him. My mum did the same for me and I had no idea until I moved out at 26, and she gave all my "rent" back to me. It meant I could furnish my place quickly with lovely stuff. To those who say it's OK to do this when you're rich, my mum was a single parent who worked as a cleaner at a train company.

Presumably a long time ago when the world was a different place though FFS competitive poverty is bad enough but competitive poverty by-proxy is just fucking embarrassing

I also wonder how many of the "Oh, I could NEVER charge my children MONEY" people on here have still got quite young kids.
It's hard to imagine a cute little moppet opening their piggy bank, but quite a different thing when they're 6 foot tall and going out clubbing several times a week, leaving the heating on full blast all day with their windows open and having countless Amazon deliveries.

@CallmeHendricks

I also wonder how many of the "Oh, I could NEVER charge my children MONEY" people on here have still got quite young kids. It's hard to imagine a cute little moppet opening their piggy bank, but quite a different thing when they're 6 foot tall and going out clubbing several times a week, leaving the heating on full blast all day with their windows open and having countless Amazon deliveries.

But how else will the Mummy Martyrs show they're the Best Mummies Ever if not by exclaiming how very generous they are going to be to little Tabitha and Ptolemy?

@BaileysforBreakfast

Kolingpursey I'd never charge, unless I really need the money and couldn't afford food bills etc. There are a lot of other ways to make a child responsible and I fear many people shamedly use this as an excuse to charge their own kids for living in their own home. I do find it disgusting tbh. Apparently not the popular opinion here but it may be a cultural thing, a North South divide thing, a class thing, I don't know and don't care. Have never seen it elsewhere in Europe. Not in my family nor my friends. A family should be one unit.

You know what I love about this post? "A family should be ONE UNIT" - but apparently only the parent should make a financial contribution

Wow this post has it all

Classism
Xenophobia
DisCusting
Stonking privilege

I think @BaileysforBreakfast needs some sort of prize

Oops meant @Kolingpursey not @BaileysforBreakfast

@CallmeHendricks . I totally agree with you about nursing homes . The poster making that comment has obviously never had to care for a dementia sufferer . I was a nurse and told my mum that the only reason that she would have to go in a home would be because of dementia . Nobody can care for parent with dementia 24hrs a day without damaging their own mental health .

@PegorySpeck

I won’t charge my children rent either. I don’t know why people have children if they can’t afford them

My DH lived at home until his 30's, his Dad was retired for years of that, of course DH paid board, do you really think his parents should have still paid for everything for him out of their pensions?

He was an adult, not a child. What a stupid comment.

Oh and DH did save, we had almost a 40% deposit on our first house. (This was 20 years ago in the NE however)

I am a single parent. When my son left college I lost child Benefit, child maintenance and council tax discount. I have taken a second job to cover the shortfall. My son has started an apprenticeship with a decent wage and he offered to make a contribution without me asking . I think it made him feel rather grown up to be able to offer me money .

How is your child , who is working and living with you til they are in their 30s teaching them any life skills??
Absolutely bonkers!
Why is that being a better parent?
The bloody competion on this thread. No way would I respect a man who didn't contribute to his parents WHILST working and living in their house?

We didn't ask our son for "keep" and I believe it made him less able to budget and manage his money. He is older and much more responsible now but for those few early working years a lot of money was wasted and nothing was saved.

Personally, I think some sort of contribution should be made - dependent on what sort of income the child has. If that money is not strictly needed by parents, some can be put into a savings account. Of course, some parents need a contribution and there is nothing wrong with that - they have provided a home for many years, with all the expense that involves.

PegorySpeck We are talking about a working adult, not a little child with no income. Of course it is right that an adult should make some sort of contribution towards costs.

[quote chopc]@x2boys you are so lucky to live in a country where the government will support you in this way........

Ultimately it was your choice to have a child. Therefore your responsibility IMO

[/quote]
How a society treats its most vulnerable is always the measure of its humanity.

The government supporting disabled adults is basic humanity, but you seem to think it shouldn't.
Yes, people choose to have a child, and in your opinion if they are unlucky enough to have a child that is so disabled they will never be able to live independently and with it all the extra stress that brings, those parents should provide all financial support for the rest of their lives as well.
Do you believe there should be no benefit system at all, and everyone should rely on their parents to provide, or is it only disabled people you resent the government supporting?

@vodkaredbullgirl

I doubt the OP will be back, as they rattled a hornets nest.

All over The Daily Mirror.

My bub is only 8 months so I’m planning ahead a bit here 🤣🤣 but I think once he starts working I would expect him to contribute something. Both my partner and I are on good wages but we have both had no money sense whatsoever and have nothing to show for it which annoys me now I’m not partying up every weekend any more. I really want my little boy to have had more chance to budget, pay bills, save etc before he leaves home in the hopes that he will do better than us financially. I have a bank account for him and plan to put whatever he pays away for him so that I can give that to him when he is older, perhaps towards a house deposit or something 😊

HarrietsChariot

It's pretty scummy behaviour to charge your children rent. You're the one who decided to have them, therefore they are your responsibility. You can't just think "they're 18 now, time to cash in!"

My son just turned 18 and I will always support him and welcome him living with me, I won’t ever demand any money from him unless he offers help for living with me

OK so barely turned 18, likely in education. Fair enough. But where does it end? If you were 30 when you had them for example, you'd be retiring when their mid 30s.

Do you really think that "good" parents delay their retirment if their children decide to not fly the nest because they need the money to pay for their adult, working children's upkeep? Screw that they're on decent full time salaries, parents should work into their 70s rather than exist Johnny to use any of his 35k pa on living expenses because its "his home!"

[quote chopc]@x2boys you are so lucky to live in a country where the government will support you in this way........

Ultimately it was your choice to have a child. Therefore your responsibility IMO

[/quote]
When you get pregnant you will have no idea what kind of child you will have and if they will be neurotypical and able bodied etc - so yes you should plan to support them forever should the need arise.

So by your logic, one should only have children if you can afford to raise triplets up until your death whilst not working and accepting no benefits and ensuring you leave sufficient inheritance to keep for until their death?

Right.

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

Surely as such a perfect parent you and other pp's who aren't wealthy should have raised kids who wouldn't see their parents working past their retirment or going short on cash just to fully financially support them as working adults.

Ohh I've got 100k for a deposit and Mom couldn't afford new clothes for a decade but whoo hoo, go me!!

God, how many times is this thread subject going to get regurgitated? FFS.
If people are able to afford to house adults free of charge, then great but equally it's not a heinous crime to charge board.
This stupid debate needs to be left now. It is never agreed.