To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

@HarrietsChariot

It's pretty scummy behaviour to charge your children rent. You're the one who decided to have them, therefore they are your responsibility. You can't just think "they're 18 now, time to cash in!"

There can be an argument that a child should be allowed to pay rent if the parent is struggling and the child wants to help, but it should not be expected or demanded and the parent should have exhausted all other avenues of income first.

And here we have another generation of entitled youngsters thinking the world owes them a living! It's irrelevant that "you chose to have them." Take that to its logical conclusion and they'll be lounging around jobless racking up your fuel and grocery bills until you're in your grave.

Take that to its logical conclusion and they'll be lounging around jobless racking up your fuel and grocery bills until you're in your grave

😂

@HarrietsChariot

It's pretty scummy behaviour to charge your children rent. You're the one who decided to have them, therefore they are your responsibility. You can't just think "they're 18 now, time to cash in!"

There can be an argument that a child should be allowed to pay rent if the parent is struggling and the child wants to help, but it should not be expected or demanded and the parent should have exhausted all other avenues of income first.

Have you actually read the thread? How long do you expect a parent to support an adult child, i mean one that's earning a full time wage? You are aware that some people are low earners?

Yep scummy mum here, although mine are 22 and 24 and still at home.

It's a mark of mutual respect and a milestone in the development of an adult relationship between parents and children.
It is not "scummy"

this gets worse

@HarrietsChariot
''There can be an argument that a child should be allowed to pay rent if the parent is struggling and the child wants to help, but it should not be expected or demanded and the parent should have exhausted all other avenues of income first.''

so what do you expect me to do then, get a second job, sell all my worldy goods on ebay, prostitute myself ?

I will support my child when he is a child, when he becomes a working adult he contributes

So what happens if they stop saving and start pissing it away? Since they are your children do they still get to live free? What if they decide to quit their jobs? Are you going to let them lay about and not care that you are supporting them?

I wondered the same. I am guessing that aside from the smug undertones from OP, she is being disingenuous. I strongly suspect her position would change if her adult children were spending every penny of their earnings on clothes and socializing - saving not a pound

C'mon Op, It's clear that their rent free living is contingent on the success of their saving, and your micro-managing of THEIR finances.

Totally agree with @whenthedoveslie.

Either that or op may be trying to hold onto them living at home and if rent was requested they would move out......

I happily contributed to the household when I was a student. As had a generous bursary and I could afford it. My sister didn't pay as she had more expenses than I did. That was fine by me.

@Ted27

I think I get it now, if you 'charge rent' you are a money grabbing scrooge intent on fleecing your poor 'children', lining your pockets and swanning off on luxury holidays with their hard earned cash.

If your adult 'children' however see fit to 'contribute' to the household by buying food or paying a bill that's absolutely fine.

I will be losing a significant amount of income when my son starts work. If you wants anything like the standard of living he enjoys now he will have to contribute.
Personally we will both find it easier if he gives me a set sum every month rather than him paying bills or buying food
I don't really care what you call it, rent, board, keep, contribution it amounts to the same thing.

Agree 100%

I disagree OP. Not because I feel my children should help pay because I am struggling, but because I stayed at home rent free until I moved out and it was such a shock to the system having to pay rent and bills etc. Personally for me when my DC are 18 I will ask them weekly to pay something monthly, not a massive amount but a small token just to help them learn to budget.

In my position, if my dc didn't contribute then our standard of living would decrease.
I'm sure they'd much rather throw some money into the pot and not have to do without stuff they were previously used to, than to keep hold of every penny of their wages for saving or wasting.

Even if I was in a position to where I didnt need their contribution, I think id still suggest it as its just common decency to help pay your way if you can. If they couldn't, then that's a different matter.

Kolingpursey I'd never charge, unless I really need the money and couldn't afford food bills etc. There are a lot of other ways to make a child responsible and I fear many people shamedly use this as an excuse to charge their own kids for living in their own home. I do find it disgusting tbh. Apparently not the popular opinion here but it may be a cultural thing, a North South divide thing, a class thing, I don't know and don't care. Have never seen it elsewhere in Europe. Not in my family nor my friends. A family should be one unit.

You know what I love about this post? "A family should be ONE UNIT" - but apparently only the parent should make a financial contribution

Well, in all honesty, when I left school at 16 years old, I was proud to contribute to the household. I paid for a holiday (UK only) which was the first the family had had in five years. I paid for my dad to get his car fixed. And I agreed an amount with my parents which helped them every month as they still had two school aged children at home. I honestly couldn't imagine feeling comfortable helping myself to food that I hadn't helped to put on the table when I could afford it easily.

None of it asked for and none of it spoken about in front of me. I thought the holiday would be good for everyone and I saw my dad struggling to get his car started one Sunday. It's being grown up and compassionate, I hope.

And I still managed to buy my own house eventually, go out with friends, have weekends away. Because I didn't have anywhere near the expenses my parents had with rent, fuel bills, clothing my siblings, running the car, and feeding all five of us.

I would hope our DS would want to help when he was older.

As for the 'well you had the children why would you charge them when they're adult children' argument. A lot changed in my parents lives after they had us. Redundancy and the debt that brings before a job was found, having to move 150 miles away to get said job, mum not being able to get work in that area immediately then having to take a lower paid job as family help wasn't available. It all took its toll and I was able and happy to help sort it out. We're not all destined to have the same or better income that we did when the kids came along.

It's not rent as such, just a contribution towards household expenses - gas, electricity, water, food etc. What's wrong with that? It would still be a lot cheaper for them than renting privately.

"I don't really care what you call it, rent, board, keep, contribution it amounts to the same thing."

Well yes, exactly. I agree, although some poster or other on here yesterday despaired of me pointing this out and accused me of just "not getting it." What "it" was, never became clear.

Maybe the OP should consider this scenario before judging others:

Had baby during marriage. Two incomes etc. at that point. H has affair. Wife gets divorced and becomes single parent. Continues to work FT, paying ££££ in childcare costs. ExH never supports his child in any way, shape or form, which is disgracefully easy in the UK. Mum receives tax credits, child benefit, while trying to single-handedly pay a mortgage. Child hits 18 and starts work. All benefits stop. Child has £1200/month disposable income. Mother has NO disposable income and no savings.

I'm very glad that my daughter doesn't share the OP's opinion and doesn't have a ridiculous sense of entitlement. She saw me updating my 'regular payments' spreadsheet one month when she was about 18 - copped sight of the mortgage, gas, electricity, water, broadband, council tax, petrol and food costs and noticed that the balance from my salary varied between £0-£50, depending whether it was a short or long month. Immediately insisted on contributing and has paid towards bills/food ever since. In addition, over the past 5 years she has saved more than £10,000 for her future. I'm really happy she's been able to do this.

Take your blinkers off, OP. There are literally tens of thousands of families that have no disposable income. Are you really suggesting their kids should be stashing away the £££ while the parents go without clothes/haircuts/other basic necessities?

Your daughter has done you proud, @BaileysforBreakfast.

My Dd pays a contribution. She used to be wide eyed at the stories of an older man at work whose two adult daughters paid nothing, yet still had enormous expectations, supported by his wife.

I shall charge my son rent if he is still living at home when he starts working. He is likely to be on a higher salary than me and as an adult he needs to contribute.
That being said, I shall probably save his rent for when he does get a place of his own, but I will expect him to do some saving of his own as well!
I think it will be a very good lesson in how to pay rent, save and still have funds to go out with. Is that not what we all have to do as fully functioning adults?

I’d be embarrassed if my child had a full time job, lived at home and didn’t offer to pay something to go towards the mortgage/bills. But then hopefully I won’t raise a selfish, entitled arsehole, like anyone who would be in that situation and not pay even a nominal amount like £100 a month would be!

If my dd didn't pay her way when she was home from uni then we wouldn't have enough for food.

She's finished uni now and chooses to pay me as she is far better off than me.

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

My income halved the sept after dd turned 18.

Child benefit and tax credits went, as did maintenance. I was already working full time.

my DD is only 11 in high school, but my plan is that part time work while at school she keeps money but it needs to cover going out at least
at present pocket money is for sweets drinks etc when out with friends and buying friends presents, her birthday money is hers she can buy extra clothes above what I consider reasonable or upgrades, at present I pay for her phone SIM only deal £5 a month, if she wants extra money it is extra chores above what is expected like keeping own room tidy, putting her clothes away, doing homework on time doing dishes at least twice a week. In holidays a few more chores in exchange for lifts to town and more money for seeing friends etc so occasional meal prep in holidays vacuuming sorting laundry
when she is a student depending on course and whether she lives at home will depend on how much help we can give she would be expected to share housework
once working if living at home will be expected to pay a share of food utilities and a share of housework

I charge my adult son 27 the council tax bill and he pays for the internet no actual rent .
However he buys his own food and his long 12 hrs shifts and commute means he is often only sleeping in the house .
On his days off he often stays with his partner
However when I’m away - like now he will look after my dogs saving me around £200 a week on kennels
I don’t mind not charging him rent but I appreciate other people need to
It’s whatever works for the individual family