To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

@Mylittlepotofjoy

I must be a push over ! We have 5 children who have all come home to live after uni and never charged any of them they have also come home with partners in tow and same thing applies !!! I just can’t do it but I do occasional ask for help with animals ect they are family and this is their home so no I couldn’t charge them

Do they buy things for the house? Some people don’t charge their kids but they still put money towards things (e.g a friend’s daughter did the grocery shopping).

In any case…just how big is your house?!?£? 😂

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

But many parents scrape by when they've got kids at home. It's on the understanding that they can concentrate on paying off mortgage, saving for retirement, having the odd treat once the kids leave home.

Also what about adult children with autism etc that can't get a job and live at home long term. Shouldn't they chip in a bit from their benefits?

To me rent is money charged for a roof over your head it is separate and distinct from bills food etc most families ask adult children to contribute to living expenses what used to be known as board and lodgings ie a fair share of utility bills and food and cleaning materials, I think actually charging "rent" to adult children is very rare I think charging a share for food bills and other household expenses is entirely reasonable but it is not rent, an adult child expecting parents to pay for their food etc as a right is warped. If there is a father mother and two children ages 24 and 26 it is perfectly reasonable for both children to pay 25% of food electric WiFi gas etc if they generally eat at home, if they mostly eat out and are generally not using a quarter then maybe25% is too much but on the other hand they may actually be using more than25%.
A small percentage of people in rented accommodation will need help with the actual rental they are renting 3 bed place because of 2 adult children and if adult children were not there they could rent a smaller place. Housing benefit would expect
Ct a adult working child to contribute to actual rent not just board. If a actual parent needs help with the actual rent a decent child would be offering a contribution

But I am with the posters who wonders why people expect to stop supporting kids when they turn 18. so when planning to have kids, should one oy have them if you can afford to support them indefinitely for life Inc a sizeable inheritance to cover them once you die? If not, what's the cut off when I can assume I don't need to be able to afford them? If not 18 assuming they leave school and get a job, when?

When my kids are old enough and working I will charge rent.

At 16 in the school holidays I had a job, also all weekend and on an evening from college. My dad made me give him 25% of my very small wage and he in no way needed it financially. When I got my first mortgage at 18 I did it all on my own, not a penny of any family to help in anyway whatsoever.
It taught me the value of money big time. Although looking back I think it was mean of my dad to take so much etc it really did set my head for the future and grow up.

Is it so hard to believe that other people have a different mindset to you? That they might have to pay more council tax or lose out on particular benefits once their child is earning a certain wage or above a certain age. That they might want their child to contribute to the household financially in exchange for board, food, bills paid, clothes washed etc. Some people will take that money and save it for their child, others will use it for the intended purpose, towards the running of their household.

When on a weekend job I used to give my mum £20 a week. When on a full time wage I would give her £250 a month which was significantly less than if I had to rent a place, pay for food, rent and bills.

We are well off. We could afford to let them stay free of charge but we don't. Once they were out of uni and in ft work we asked for £250 a month as a contribution to housekeeping and costs. I think it's important that adults should at least make a gesture towards paying their way. It's bad enough that young people have to stay at home with their parents for so long nowadays without further infantilising them by mum and dad still paying for everything.

We aren't stingy. They were all given allowances throughout uni so they could concentrate on their studies. We have a holiday home we could rent out for cash but instead we let them use it whenever they want a break. We help with major purchases like cars/household appliances by adding to what they have saved themselves. They have been or will be given lump sums to help with buying their first home. It's not about the money for us, it's about treating them like adults.

@SleepingStandingUp yes. When you get pregnant you will have no idea what kind of child you will have and if they will be neurotypical and able bodied etc - so yes you should plan to support them forever should the need arise.

However each situation is different. If my child wants to live at home whilst saving for a house deposit etc that is fine. But if they want to stay at home and do nothing because it's free - no this is not acceptable. We have worked hard to give them opportunities to be able to be independent once they finish Uni

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee are you implying when you chose to have kids, you took child benefit/ tax credits into account?

I think I get it now, if you 'charge rent' you are a money grabbing scrooge intent on fleecing your poor 'children', lining your pockets and swanning off on luxury holidays with their hard earned cash.

If your adult 'children' however see fit to 'contribute' to the household by buying food or paying a bill that's absolutely fine.

I will be losing a significant amount of income when my son starts work. If you wants anything like the standard of living he enjoys now he will have to contribute.
Personally we will both find it easier if he gives me a set sum every month rather than him paying bills or buying food
I don't really care what you call it, rent, board, keep, contribution it amounts to the same thing.

[quote chopc]@SleepingStandingUp yes. When you get pregnant you will have no idea what kind of child you will have and if they will be neurotypical and able bodied etc - so yes you should plan to support them forever should the need arise.

However each situation is different. If my child wants to live at home whilst saving for a house deposit etc that is fine. But if they want to stay at home and do nothing because it's free - no this is not acceptable. We have worked hard to give them opportunities to be able to be independent once they finish Uni [/quote]
Well Yes, and my child does have severe autism and learning disabilities, and wont ever be independent and i want to look after r him as long as im able, but most people dont have disabled children that will need support for the rest of their lives, incidentally when my son is an adult he will be entitled to benefits to financially support himself, he currently gets DLA at the highest levels

I agree with OP. I find it weird, that where parents can afford to, they don't just want to support their child and provide them with a bed/room that they had before anyway.
It's different of course if the parents are really struggling financially, but unless that's the case, you don't have kids just to turn on them when they reach a set age, whether it's 18, 21 or 25.

@x2boys you are so lucky to live in a country where the government will support you in this way........

Ultimately it was your choice to have a child. Therefore your responsibility IMO

Our motto is we will help you if you help yourselves.

Yes they’ll get their rent back towards a house deposit but they’ll have had to save up too. We helped towards a car but they needed to have saved some from their part time jobs they were expected to get at 16.

They will get help but not a free ride. We all realise that we are lucky to be in this position.

[quote chopc]@Whatiswrongwithmyknee are you implying when you chose to have kids, you took child benefit/ tax credits into account? [/quote]
Many people do. What is wrong with that? People should think about whether they can afford children and this is part of that calculation.

It's not really the point of my post though which is that losing these but continuing to support a working adult can plunge people into poverty.

[quote chopc]@x2boys you are so lucky to live in a country where the government will support you in this way........

Ultimately it was your choice to have a child. Therefore your responsibility IMO

[/quote]
Yes I'm so lucky to have a disabled child 🙄

@Mylittlepotofjoy

I must be a push over ! We have 5 children who have all come home to live after uni and never charged any of them they have also come home with partners in tow and same thing applies !!! I just can’t do it but I do occasional ask for help with animals ect they are family and this is their home so no I couldn’t charge them

Im horrified that several adults bring their partners to live in the home ... and not one of them even offers to pay any money towards their food etc TEN ADULTS ....

so selfish...

Yes you are a pushover

@Peridotty

I don’t understand why it would be a massive shock just because you haven’t paid rent before. If you need to pay rent outside then surely you would just do it. Why would kids need to pay rent to parents to learn how to budget? If you model good financial behaviour when they’re growing up they don’t need the practice. When kids go to Uni, it’s not like a sudden shock to pay rent or learning how to budget. They just get it done. I think British culture is probably one of the few cultures where adult kids are expected to pay rent. Other cultures would see family as family.

You may be right but in other cultures adult children living at home would be expected to be very hands on, helping look after grandma and mending the leaky shed roof etc. I can't think of any cultures where adult children share the family home but are still treated like children: working but spending their income like pocket money and going out on the town as if they were still teenagers. They all work at the family firm or chip in to help with the household budget. It might not be called rent but I doubt there's no pooling of incomes.

@leavesthataregreen in my culture people stay in the family home until married but definitely have to follow family schedules. And are often expected to cook/do laundry/help siblings and family.

Also as various PP have pointed out the money isn’t actually rent (I.e solely for living there) but for board etc. Other parents may not charge kids anything but expect them to buy food for example.

I doubt that many people let kids live at home , have total freedom and keep 100% of their money for themselves. Every family is different but there’s definitely an expectation of some contribution financial or otherwise. And the ‘family is family’ cultures are the worst because you’re expected to fulfil all sorts of obligations because ‘family’. At least with money you know where you stand.

YABVU

ExBIL wasn't charged rent because exMIL thought like you.

Aged 30 he'd never once had to take responsibility for his finances, as she paid bills too. He became used to a certain lifestyle and when he had to live out as he was expecting a baby with his GF, he got into a mountain of debt. He's now 40 and lives in his mates' garage, has a victim complex and honestly it's his mum's fault for enabling him for so long.

I'd want my kids to learn about life and finances and not make them dependant wet blankets. But I don't want my kids living with me as adults and will do everything I can to ensure they have their own home (I have investments I plan to cash out on when they're adults)

It's pretty scummy behaviour to charge your children rent. You're the one who decided to have them, therefore they are your responsibility. You can't just think "they're 18 now, time to cash in!"

There can be an argument that a child should be allowed to pay rent if the parent is struggling and the child wants to help, but it should not be expected or demanded and the parent should have exhausted all other avenues of income first.

@57millIonAniseedballs

That’s all very well if you’re wealthy

We aren’t. So our adult dc who lives at home can’t live here for free!!! Why should we fully support another adult when struggling ourselves ?

Also this.

Why do wealthy people assume others are wealthy too?! And yes if you can pay for an extra adult living in your home then you are wealthy by today's standards

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

TBH by the time my kids reach adulthood, if I only had £100 a month but could have more, I'd be putting my interests first.

I know it's the 'trendy' thing to do to martyr yourself for your kids until you die, but maybe my kids respect me because I very much make myself as important as them in this household 🤷‍♀️

YABU - how else do they learn to manage their money? Charging rent for living at home lets them make mistakes in a safe environment. Also, they do have a cost attached. Why should they get a free ride?

@HarrietsChariot

It's pretty scummy behaviour to charge your children rent. You're the one who decided to have them, therefore they are your responsibility. You can't just think "they're 18 now, time to cash in!"

There can be an argument that a child should be allowed to pay rent if the parent is struggling and the child wants to help, but it should not be expected or demanded and the parent should have exhausted all other avenues of income first.

'Scummy'

Some real odd people on this website ...