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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 11/10/2021 00:13

@allsorts1

My mum & step dad, comfortable financially, charged me rent when I was a full time student. Needless to say we don't have a great relationship now.

Sorry I see you were still studying..

that's atrocious ... I understand why now

Fluffypastelslippers · 11/10/2021 00:18

I find you posting judgement about your friends on the internet much worse than them taking money from their adult children. Much worse.

icecreamcrackers · 11/10/2021 00:19

Must be a slow news day as you appear to have made it into the sun

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home
saltinesandcoffeecups · 11/10/2021 00:24

@Hdhshxhs

I'm by no means wealthy, less than £100 left over each month. But I won't top up my budget at the expense of my children

With regards to teaching financial independence- they budget an amount of £ each month to go towards a deposit and then they have to pay their bills (phone, car etc) so they are being responsible. Not like I'm letting them live here rent free so they can piss all their money away

So what happens if they stop saving and start pissing it away? Since they are your children do they still get to live free? What if they decide to quit their jobs? Are you going to let them lay about and not care that you are supporting them?
JessieLongleg · 11/10/2021 00:29

I say make it affordable not market rates, but there are many advantages such as not finding a deposit, them saving for a mortgage or location post uni. As said many have to pay more to have kids at home. Wasn't a long time brother had higher income than dad so the room was a cheap as dad did dinner when he was home. Many more advantages such as knowing you stuff is safe no short notice to get out etc.

Mylittlepotofjoy · 11/10/2021 05:12

I must be a push over ! We have 5 children who have all come home to live after uni and never charged any of them they have also come home with partners in tow and same thing applies !!! Confused I just can’t do it but I do occasional ask for help with animals ect they are family and this is their home so no I couldn’t charge them

Peridotty · 11/10/2021 05:31

I don’t understand why it would be a massive shock just because you haven’t paid rent before. If you need to pay rent outside then surely you would just do it. Why would kids need to pay rent to parents to learn how to budget? If you model good financial behaviour when they’re growing up they don’t need the practice. When kids go to Uni, it’s not like a sudden shock to pay rent or learning how to budget. They just get it done.
I think British culture is probably one of the few cultures where adult kids are expected to pay rent. Other cultures would see family as family.

Notjustanymum · 11/10/2021 06:16

It’s called keep, not rent. Adult DC living at home consuming food, electricity, gas, hot water Etc. costs us over £100 per week per DC. Asking them to contribute less than half of that is not unreasonable once they are working full time. Even if you can afford to have them live with you without contributing , it’s wise to request a contribution and put it away for when they do move out, as it gives them an idea about the actual cost of living.

Lulu1919 · 11/10/2021 06:26

We didn't charge our adult children when in education or part time holiday jobs etc
But when number one was working full time and earning more than me or her dad we did ask for a contribution...it was only £100 a month but really helped us out financially .
She was happy to do this and it was never an issue .

HarebrightCedarmoon · 11/10/2021 06:35

I don't charge DD1 (16) who has a part time job rent. But it would be a different story when DDs are older, are working full time and have left education. I would expect them to pay towards their upkeep. My DM lives with us - should I not charge her anything and just somehow absorb the cost of extra heating, light, food etc?

merrymelody · 11/10/2021 06:36

Mine live at home, are at uni, work pt and contribute as much as they can afford. Fortunately, they're conscientious and actually want to contribute.

ModerateOven · 11/10/2021 06:57

I'd feel I'd failed massively as a parent if I had an adult dc living at home that didnt insist on contributing tbh
I quite agree. My daughter lived with us for 3 months while she was moving back to the area and waiting for a house completion. I wouldn't have wanted money, it was nice to have her here for a while - but she absolutely insisted on paying a healthy contribution for the increase of fuel/food bills. Said she'd be embarrassed not to.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/10/2021 07:10

@Mylittlepotofjoy

I must be a push over ! We have 5 children who have all come home to live after uni and never charged any of them they have also come home with partners in tow and same thing applies !!! Confused I just can’t do it but I do occasional ask for help with animals ect they are family and this is their home so no I couldn’t charge them
It's lovely you can afford to keep five adult children and their partners / offspring but surely you can't be sheltered as to assume not everyone can afford that nor has the space for 12 adults to live off one or two salaries?
Parky04 · 11/10/2021 07:21

My two DC pay £100 per month. It is to pay for their food and household bills. Why should I pay for this? Neither complained although one did jokingly say "I suppose I will have to buy less clothes".

chopc · 11/10/2021 07:28

We moved in with our DH parents for two months and they refused rent. However we did shopping and my cleaner came to clean their house. My MIL lives with us now - we don't charge her rent but she gets her own food (annex). I can understand not everyone is in a similar financial situation. But I am with the posters who wonders why people expect to stop supporting kids when they turn 18. Child benefit etc is not a right and can be stopped by the government at any time. I know if you stop and think about it you can afford children, most people wouldn't have children......

x2boys · 11/10/2021 07:37

@chopc

We moved in with our DH parents for two months and they refused rent. However we did shopping and my cleaner came to clean their house. My MIL lives with us now - we don't charge her rent but she gets her own food (annex). I can understand not everyone is in a similar financial situation. But I am with the posters who wonders why people expect to stop supporting kids when they turn 18. Child benefit etc is not a right and can be stopped by the government at any time. I know if you stop and think about it you can afford children, most people wouldn't have children......
Because 18 is legally an adult, and you must realise that some parents dont earn very much if their adult hild earns the same or more than them, why do you think their parents should support them? Or do you not think low earners should be allowed to have children?
Pinkprawns · 11/10/2021 07:44

@MadamMoth

I paid my mum £400 a month from the minute I got my first salary payment. This went on for a good 8 years until I left home and even then, and to this day, I still put £400 into her account each month I've been left home for 20 years. We were very poor growing up and I like to know she has money to pay for things she wants.
Gosh this is nice to read on a Monday morning. She must have been a lovely Mum to have such a lovely child!
lunar1 · 11/10/2021 08:00

It's not necessarily about the money, it's about teaching your children financial responsibility.

I wouldn't charge rent until they finish their education, and I'll probably be in the best financial position of my life. Independent school fees will have finished as will university costs.

So many debt problems our generation face and those that come after us are because children aren't growing up understanding how to manage money.

They need to know how much is costs to live in the real world, how to budget and how to save. This includes paying their way when they are able.

I would have seriously failed as a parent if my children didn't want to contribute once they were earning a wage.

InkyPinkyParlezVous · 11/10/2021 08:03

One of my adult dc will be 30 soon and is still living at home, having never moved out. How long OP would you have me support him rent free? No, it's nonsense. He pays a reasonable rent and it does him no harm.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 11/10/2021 08:08

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore
You said adult children, but didn't say 'the moment they turn 18' in your OP. There is a difference between a young adult who is still at school/studying and a 25 yo who is earning a decent amount and could quite easily be living away from the family home.
CallmeHendricks · 11/10/2021 08:14

Our kids were 22 and 24 before we began asking them for a contribution towards living expenses, so hardly "the minute they turned 18." Until then, they'd been students, gap-year travellers, unemployed apart from small part-time pub work etc.

A months or two after they began their "proper" full-time jobs (so, time to get kitted out with work wardrobes etc) we suggested a contribution. It's not much (maybe 10-15% of income) but nonetheless important.

BethAfra · 11/10/2021 08:15

It's called contributing! My adult son with a job pays his share of costs. I don't make a profit, but I have pay to live here, why shouldn't he? Plus, I'm self employed and for the first time in my life I can finally afford to pay into a pension.

user7692398242 · 11/10/2021 08:16

I know a rich family who didn't charge rent to their 2 kids - whom they employed in their firm with excellent wages from then get go. Neither child did any exams and were earning twice what their friends earned. They grew up to be selfish little sods who didn't even bother buying presents for their parents at Christmas or birthdays. Completely ruined by their parents and still live at home in their early 30s. Neither have had partners either. Stifled and spoilt

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 11/10/2021 08:25

@chopc

We moved in with our DH parents for two months and they refused rent. However we did shopping and my cleaner came to clean their house. My MIL lives with us now - we don't charge her rent but she gets her own food (annex). I can understand not everyone is in a similar financial situation. But I am with the posters who wonders why people expect to stop supporting kids when they turn 18. Child benefit etc is not a right and can be stopped by the government at any time. I know if you stop and think about it you can afford children, most people wouldn't have children......
But if child benefits, tax credits were stopped, a large number of people would be forced into significant poverty. Why would you think they should stay there when their adult child is bringing in £1000+ a month and not having to pay for their room, rent, washing machine, internet etc.?
mrsbyers · 11/10/2021 08:27

I’d certainly charge for loss of any council tax discount and increased utilities and food , fixed costs like mortgage I wouldn’t include