To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore

Some people who have children are poor and struggling. Once they have a regular income why can't they contribute? You're obviously wealthy and living in cloud cuckoo land.

[quote Lagomtransplant]@CallmeHendricks

I'm telling you now, NO MATTER WHAT their health situation, I will learn, I will train up, but into a care home they are NOT going if it's the last thing I do.[/quote]
and again, never name the well you won't drink from. As I said in my other post, I have got a lot of experience in this both personally and professionally. The trop about people going into care because their kids won't lift a finger is both untrue and unkind.

Hey OP I think in your friends situation is is a bit sad if their DC are struggling to save but have their parents spending money on their dream holiday.
But in general that's not what rent is for...

Total stealth boast. Single parents who lose out on UC and child benefit when their children become adults at 18 can't conjure money out of thin air. And an adult takes more feeding than a child. Of course parents should charge rent. What a ridiculous thing for you to say OP. Must be great to live in your world with plenty of spare cash 🙄

My 17 year old pays a small amount to me each week. Not for rent, but to help out and pay his way towards his own living expenses.

He insisted, and wanted to pay more but I wouldn't let him. He's responsible with money and is still able to save and spend.

Tbh I'm glad he thinks like that.

They stopped my ds child benefit due to his job btw, so not all parents get it until they're 18

I'd like to be in a position to charge my DC rent if they are still living at home as adults but place into savings to give back to them when ready to move for deposit.

When I turned 18 and was working I used to pay my mum what she lost in benefits from me becoming an adult. She couldn't afford to let me stay for free and I didn't begrudge her that.

@Hdhshxhs

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

Lucky you if you can let your kids live at home rent free , my eldest son can earn up to £50 per hour , a hell of a lot more than me ! So he definitely will be paying me rent , but no where near as much as if he were privately renting. No way is it very strange ! and he is still welcome in our house .

Your poor kids.....your level of control and micro managing of them is awful!

I feel very sorry for them

Blimey, poor OP can't say anything right, can she? Either she's a slack mug giving her children no guidance or incentives or skills about money; or (when she does actually demonstrate that she has provided help on budgeting) she's a control freak! I don't think I can feel too sorry for a young adult able, partly through the advice and support given by his parents, to buy a first property at the age of 26.

I find threads like this interesting because I come from a family where there wasn't much money, and the consequence of that was money was never discussed, budgeting wasn't a skill that was taught, and the default position was that you probably couldn't afford something, so no point in trying to problem solve around how something might become affordable. It took me until my thirties to acquire proper financial skills, and I'm trying hard to educate my own offspring (not financially independent yet, studying, but earning something through part-time work). I've just had a conversation with DS about the 50:30:20 guideline and helped him list out his categories of expenditure and start thinking about savings goals. I've helped him find savings and investment products.

I do want him to have greater financial freedom than I had - what were some of the drearier working years for, if not to provide for a better future, with more choices, after all? - so I will probably continue to subsidise him beyond FT education (unless he doesn't need it) by helping with housing costs for a while. I will expect some contribution, but not a market rate. I was able to buy my first place on an average salary, with a 5% deposit. That's not possible these days.

@Getawaywithit

I’d go starving and frozen before even thinking about putting my DP OR DPIL in a care home, even before covid. They will be provided for under my own roof

It’s easy to say when you’ve not had to face it. Dementia in particular is a terrible disease to have to live with and frankly, until you’ve had to deal with your parent punching you and banging on windows to be let out, you can’t possibly know what you would do. It’s 24/7, you will barely sleep and your own children will fear coming home because they have no idea what they will be facing. I could have starved and frozen a hundred times only but I wasnot able to provide the care that she needed.

I was the child in that situation. My DM still regrets that she put us through that. The low point for me as a child, was when my GM walked through the living room naked when I had a school friend round.

My DM is in an extra care facility. She is paralysed following a stroke. It takes two carers and a hoist to manoeuvre her in and out of bed, and to the bathroom. I live alone and there is no room for her hospital style bed in my house (unless she lived upstairs and never came down. There are no options other than the one she's in. She has her own specially equipped flat and the carers are on site.

My siblings were well into 30’s before they moved out eventually. Had no savings nothing to call their own not even a car just a wardrobe of clothes , memories of holidays / nights out etc but nothing . They never really were adults in my opinion living at home at the bank of mum and dad living life , jealous yeah maybe I am but at least I say I’ve worked for is my own and I’ll teach my own children the same . You want something you earn it in my opinion. Allowing your dc to live rent free teaches them nothing. Do as you do if you want but most working class people that’s not how we think or can afford to think even if we wanted to look after them forever it’s not practical.

Why is it not right? Surely if they are grown ups then they need treating like grown ups which yes includes paying rent.

It's all well and good if you can afford to support a fully grown adult. Don't go judging people who can't.

After lockdown ended my daughter decided not to return to college. She had just turned 17. Child benefit stopped, as did tax credits. My husband is disabled and unable to work and claims PIP and ESA. We told our daughter that if she chose to leave education that was fine but she had to get a job and contribute to the household finances because of the money we were down. I lost a lot of business due to covud and my income dropped by nearly £1000 a month, so, yes ,if she wanted to still have a roof over her head then she had to help. Hasn't done her any harm at all.

When my adult children are in full time work, they comtribute to the running costs of this house. It would cost them a hell of a lot more commercially, obviously.

For 20% of their wages they get accomodation, utilities and other bills, meals, excellent wifi and multiple streaming services etc etc. I frequentkly do their washing while I'm at it. It offsets the expenses (wow, can they use a lot of hot water!!) and is what I'd expect of any responsible young adult.

When in education, training or unemployed, we cover everything until they're back on their feet. We're a safety net, not a permanent subsidy

Youngest is currently abroad travelling but will be offered the same deal as their sibling.ok so what happens if youngest comes back, gets a 20k job and you say OK, lets sit down and sort out finances... And they say actually, I've decided to live for the moment, I'm spending every spare penny on travelling the world one AL at a time and I'll worry about moving out when I think about having kids in my 30s?

This is a horrible, smug thread, families do what they can afford, and what they think is right. Most people have spent their whole adulthood putting their children first, some sacrificing careers because they wanted to be there for their children, or some even going without food and decent clothes, so their children had what they needed, to then see a sweeping statement, that it is mean to ask for money from your children when they are adults and earning. I know that the op has now stated that she meant that it is just some of her rich friends, who she thinks are being mean, but please think before you post. Also it is not your business how others deal with their money or their children, they may seem well off, but have loans that they need to pay.

It's fine. If you are a working adult then you contribute to the household costs. My mum charged me rent which made me leave home pretty quick, not her intention probably, but totally fine.

My adult DC make a contribution of 20% of their income up to a maximum of £200 a month each. And by income I mean wages, student loan or benefits because the primary reason for this income is to cover their living costs.

I hate these bloody threads.

They come round on a regular basis.

Charge your adult children in full time work. Don't charge your adult children in full time work.

But to think it's "not right"? Bully for you. Congratulations.

Not everyone is in your situation. Lots of folks are living paycheque to paycheque.

Personally I think you are doing your working adult children a huge disservice.

A (usually) peppercorn contribution is teaching them a life lesson.

Totally agree with you

@Nyfluff

For a lot of people they lose income from child tax credit, UC and CB once their child turns 18. That could be 300pcm. It's likely parents who received that amount of money couldn't suddenly magic it up from nowhere every month now their child has become one day older.

Yes, my two are only on apprentice wages but I now have to find full rent and council tax. Tax credits and child benefit have obviously gone. We don't run cars, phone contracts or tv subscriptions. I have to charge them or we'd be homeless. That's the reality of it. Must be wonderful looking down from your high horses.

@OldTinHat

Total stealth boast. Single parents who lose out on UC and child benefit when their children become adults at 18 can't conjure money out of thin air. And an adult takes more feeding than a child. Of course parents should charge rent. What a ridiculous thing for you to say OP. Must be great to live in your world with plenty of spare cash 🙄

Thankyou for this it’s exactly my situation plus council tax has gone up as no longer have single person discount. The amount my 18 yr old gives me covers the council tax. I am still £300 down on tax credit per month. It’s a struggle.

Council tax increase I should say - not whole council tax

Can you really not understand that when child benefit stops the 18 year old effectively costs you more as you have less money coming in. Even if you have no financial worries you can't possibly be ignorant of the fact that huge numbers of families do

Child benefit is about £80 a month, most parents spend more than that on lunches and travel to college etc. Those costs stop so it likely equals out.
Our bills and mortgage would be the same with or without them here bar the food one.
Children do cost money though, it’s a known fact before deciding to have them. I don’t expect others or the children themselves to provide for the costs for something I chose. They will have many years of supporting themselves when they leave home, I’d rather they save and get on the property ladder whilst they have no responsibilities.