To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

YABU. If they're working they should pay something. At least enough to cover their food, water and energy use etc. Life isn't a free ride.

Don't patronise me!
I understand perfectly. I just disagree with splitting hairs.

Jesus, you still don’t get it @CallmeHendricks 🤦🏻‍♀️

Each to their own. But just because you don't want to charge digs that doesn't make it wrong if other people chose to live their lives differently to you.

As soon as I was working full time I paid housekeeping. Why on Earth wouldn't I? My parents didn't need it but why should they pay for a grown ass woman to use all the facilities and be fed twice a day with no contribution?

It taught me financial responsibility and budgeting. It's perfectly normal.

M4J4
There really is if by rent people mean more than it actually costs to live there and by housekeeping costs they mean the actual amount it costs to live there, which is what PP meant I think

Exactly. It’s worrying that posters like @CallmeHendricks don’t understand this.

Re: above - I didn't see OP as above. I took it and still believe from her further posts - that she means grown adult children should not contribute anything to the household and parents should continue to absorb all the costs because this arrangement works for her family.

Ultimately, it's down to people's views towards money. I think a similar parallel is gift-giving for Christmas and birthdays.
In our family, the amount spent on children's presents has always been quite modest; not because we can't afford to spend more, but because we didn't think it was ultimately good for the kids to receive hugely expensive "in your face" things. Our parents felt the same.
Other families we know, on lower incomes, viewed it differently and spent what we considered eye-watering sums.
Horses for courses.

@M4J4
Don't be so rude!

I admit I haven't read the entire thread, so this might have been brought up earlier. If you are supporting adult child A by not charging rent, I assume you are also paying that very same amount into an account for adult child B also- even if they don't also live with you??? Surely that would be fair?

DH's sibling moved back into the family home, then had another 2 children and has stayed over 10yrs now with her husband! Household bills and food are bought by my in-laws, they get free, onsite childcare when they want and contribute next to nothing!

DH and I work very hard and have our own home. We are doing ok, but far from rich. If we've had the same amount given to us, that they have saved by living rent free- then we might have been able to afford the IVF we need!

I can afford to look after my children as adults but I won’t. They need to learn the value of money and that nothing comes for free.

It strikes me as undignified for anyone earning a proper wage not to pay for the food they eat and the electricity they use. Supporting a child through education or on low apprentice wages is one thing but otherwise it seems the right way to raise a cocklodger (or female equivalent).

I can see both sides. For the most part I agree with you OP. Its a nice thing to do if you can afford to. I live in a very expensive area & would much prefer my DC to save their money so I don't charge them. I can understand why many people may need to charge older DC who remain at home though, particularly with all the current fuel increases.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Not sure not charging children to live at home is a stealth boast. It will cost me no extra at 17 than it will at 18 plus.

Then obviously you earn over the limit for getting any child benefit

Can you really not understand that when child benefit stops the 18 year old effectively costs you more as you have less money coming in. Even if you have no financial worries you can't possibly be ignorant of the fact that huge numbers of families do.

This thread is really highlighting those who have no clue about what live is like for others. Let them eat cake, eh

Sod that....
2 sons aged 16 and 23
Girlfriends stay over 3 times a week minimum.
They always make a full cooked breakfast that I've paid for.
Used my toiletries and bathroom stuff.
Used my towels that I wash.
Yes ... contribute when you earn please

Of your children should pay their way if they're earning .
A really good lesson my parents thought me was how to budget and spend my wage accordingly along with teaching me I had to pay my way in the world.
I'm so grateful that my they taught me how to do this and encouraged me to do as I was able to buy my first home at 21 (although granted it was 20 odd years ago) and was able to furnish as unbeknown to me my Mum had been saving half bless her and I will be forever grateful.

@FluffyTeddyBear

I can afford to look after my children as adults but I won’t. They need to learn the value of money and that nothing comes for free.

👍

We're not all loaded enough to do that op

I have just asked my 24 yr old dd, if she begrudges giving me money. She has said no, she would be paying out more if she had her own place.

[quote Lagomtransplant]@CallmeHendricks

I'm telling you now, NO MATTER WHAT their health situation, I will learn, I will train up, but into a care home they are NOT going if it's the last thing I do.[/quote]
Hmm okay so I helped to look after my grandma who had dementia in my parents' house'. This is what it involved:

Dealing with being kicked, punched, bitten, having faeces spread up my arm by her hands, diarrhoea on all surfaces in the bathroom if she managed to get in there unaccompanied (very rarely did we let that happen), cleaning up faeces from the bed, floor, other furniture, my grandmother trying to open the door of a moving car, trying to cover the eyes of the driver etc., her trying to phone 999 to report fires and burglaries that didn't exist, literally every evening (so 3-5 hours each night) spent trying to reassure her that she didn't need to escape the house and that her parents weren't waiting for her somewhere and every night she would be up 10-20 times and couldn't be left unattended so she needed constant attendance.

It was absolutely hellish and all-consuming. If either of my parents lives a long life and develops dementia I will absolutely consider putting them in a home.

I’ve not read the full thread but I paid rent as soon as I had a full time job until I left home. My husband did not. Guess who is better with money…

I understand what you mean but I think it is good for them to start taking on more adult responsibilities like paying bills. I'm 28 and I have friends who lived at home paying no rent or bills and their mummy did their laundry and cooked them dinner and cleaned like they were children. They had a big shock moving out managing it all themselves after being mummied. If you don't want to take their money you could always put their rent contributions into a savings account for them

So, if you pay rent, it's not a home anymore? No sorry, I pay rent/mortgage on my home, it's still my home. My DD knows once she's earning full time she will have to contribute. She knows she's always welcome and will always have a home here whether she's earning or not, but if she is she can contribute. There's nothing mean or cruel about that.

Sometimes I really feel like I live in a completely different world from most MNers.

I’m a divorced single parent. When my DS turned 18 my maintenance from his father stopped. My 25% council tax reduction stopped. My tax credits stopped, my child benefit stopped. Funnily enough, my bills didn’t. That’s why my DS has to contribute. Otherwise I’d be in debt and he’d have money to burn. I work full time, btw.

Haven't read full thread but just wanted to say I agree OP. I was born here but my parents are from a mediteranean country where it's unheard of for parents to charge their adult children rent. I'm 50 years old and the door to my father's house remains open, I could move back in tomorrow and not pay any rent (I wouldn't do that. And if I did, I would pay in other ways).

DS is 16, I'm a single parent on a low wage living in a housing association flat. So not rich. I will never charge him rent, this is his home and I am his mother. He is my son, not my tenant. To be honest, he would be the type to want to contribute anyway, but I'd rather he just buy some shopping now and again and contribute informally that way. He is only 16 and even now if he picks up something from Tesco for me for a couple of quid, he insists on paying for it! (With pocket money I give to him mind but still).
We just don't have that mentality in our family. If I ask my mum to get me something from the shop, no way will she take money for it. At some point I'll get her something she needs and won't take money for that either.

I offered to contribute when I was earning and living at home as a young adult. I think I would've been a bit embarrassed as an adult living somewhere and not contributing.

We didn’t charge our dses anything when they were at home during university vacations. Ds1 and ds2 had to move out when they got jobs, because we don’t live anywhere near those locations, so the issue of rent was moot for them, but ds3, who graduated this year, is living with us and wfh.

We are charging him £150 a month - not as much rent, but bills - food and utilities. Given the steep rise in energy use and supermarket bills when he is here, that seems reasonable.

However, we aren’t charging him rent, and we don’t think we are overcharging him for his share of the bills, so hopefully he doesn’t think we are being unreasonable.