To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

[Hdhshxhs]

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

@TheBlackArt if you think it's normal getting called "sanctimonious wankers" then I feel sorry for you

@HesterShaw1 my oldest is 26 and will be moving to their own place soon. I am not coddling a middle aged layabout

If my adult DC hit a tough patch - lost a job, broke up with a partner or had ill health, I'd let them live with us as long as they need to, rent free. But otherwise, I think it's important for them to behave as adults and contribute financially to the costs of running a home, just like the other adults they are living with. That's just treating them with the respect they deserve, and assuming they are capable of behaving with maturity and responsibility.

@CallmeHendricks

"There is a major difference between charging rent and charging house keeping costs."

There really isn't!! Who cares what you call it? As I said before, it's semantics.

There really is if by rent people mean more than it actually costs to live there and by housekeeping costs they mean the actual amount it costs to live there, which is what PP meant I think

I really don't like the thing of charging the adult kids rent but secretly saving it and giving it back to them as a deposit or whatever - it's quite a patronising message: "you're an adult, but I don't trust you to save for yourself."

Either you need the money, or you don't.

If you don't, trust them to save for their own deposit.
If you do, then take it and use it.

Our D.C. are welcome to live here rent free for as long as they like.
They’re back after university and will probs move in with mates in the next year or so.
I don’t see why they need to ‘practice’ by giving us money we clearly don’t need.

There really is if by rent people mean more than it actually costs to live there and by housekeeping costs they mean the actual amount it costs to live there, which is what PP meant I think

Exactly. It’s worrying that posters like @CallmeHendricks don’t understand this.

@category12

I really don't like the thing of charging the adult kids rent but secretly saving it and giving it back to them as a deposit or whatever - it's quite a patronising message: "you're an adult, but I don't trust you to save for yourself."

Either you need the money, or you don't.

If you don't, trust them to save for their own deposit.
If you do, then take it and use it.

This!! Its like i don't think you are capable of saving for yourself so mummy will do it for you scenario..........................

If my DC choose to live at home when they are adults and they have full-time jobs, I'll charge them rent of about £100 a week for two reasons:

• it will help them to manage their budget in the long term if they have to set aside an amount for housing each month
• it's important to me for them to see that adults need to pay their way

I actually don't need the money, so I'd give it all back to them together with a decent deposit amount when they decide to buy their own place.

I don't think people who can't afford to subsidise adults living in their home, despite those adults being their DC, should be made to feel ashamed, or as if they are doing something wrong.

It would be ok to not charge rent, if the adults in question, were industrious in the home, and do lots of things in the home, as in help with jobs to be done, I don't mean washing up ! but diy and garden stuff etc, They are in an adult world now, and have to do adult things, to offset the benefits of not paying rent .

My dc1 is 18 and at university but when she finishes uni i will charge her

I paid "board" to my parents, only fair because I ate like a horse and used their electricity plus I couldn't drive so DDad ferried me everywhere. But that was the early 90s and things were different then.

DNeice has a part time job but instead of paying board she'll give her mum some money towards the shopping or for petrol to take her to work. She's also still at college so it's only a small amount.

My teenager isn't yet old enough to get a job but I think I'll take a similar approach to my sister in law and just ask for contributions to costs.

@Creamsoda77

You make a choice to have kids so it feels odd to me to suddenly stop supporting at 18 for example, I would let mine be here in their home n their 20's and advise them to save for a house, I haven't any extra costs just because they suddenly turn 18 ?

But when people make that choice they arent expecting to fund their child with everything even as an adult.

I have a child. I fully expect to pay for everything for her while she is a child. But when she is able to work I expect her to do so for any extras she wants. I will continue to pay for everything that she needs and some treats, as before. Once she is an adult and not in education, she should want to be independent. I would then expect her to contribute as that is what adults do. As I really don't need the money I wpuld likely save it and return it if she could show that she had saved.

If she decided hmm this is a good deal being at home I'm just going to stay here until I retire, to use extreme example, then no, I dont think its unreasonable for me to not be willing to support her in that choice. And no, people do not have kids expecting that. It isnt unreasonable to think that if you parent well your child will become an adult who contibutes themselves to their own independent life rather than relying solely on their parents still.

That said I would of course help her out if she found herself in difficulties or wanted to achieve something she needed my assistance with - both emotionally and financially - but that is different to your logic of supporting kids completely financially with housing forever because you apparently make that choice by having them.

DS and his girlfriend (both 24)are currently with us and not paying rent - they rented a house for a year and have just had their offer accepted on their first house to buy. They've saved every penny they can for a deposit so we're glad to help a bit. DS didn't go to university so we haven't supported him through that.

Yabu

@Mumwithbaggage

DS and his girlfriend (both 24)are currently with us and not paying rent - they rented a house for a year and have just had their offer accepted on their first house to buy. They've saved every penny they can for a deposit so we're glad to help a bit. DS didn't go to university so we haven't supported him through that.

I think thats wonderful x

@fuckoffImcounting

My DC moved back home for a year due to Covid, and was working remotely. I did not charge anything and they saved every penny of their salary and bought a property. We are not wealthy people, I am relieved that my DC is a home owner instead of renting as before.

That's nice - but I assume it's also partly because he could save his travel expenses while WFH

@Mumwithbaggage

DS and his girlfriend (both 24)are currently with us and not paying rent - they rented a house for a year and have just had their offer accepted on their first house to buy. They've saved every penny they can for a deposit so we're glad to help a bit. DS didn't go to university so we haven't supported him through that.

That great but slightly different to the OPS angle. Your ds came back home after the experience of renting and paying bills himself. With that experience of previously paying for his own upkeep - he returned home with a goal in mind and with your support he achieved it.

I think thats wonderful x

It's wonderful they're in a financial position to do that. It's also fine if those who aren't,
ask for help

In my situation my child earns same income as me each month. I am a single parent with two children to support still. I have no choice but to ask my eldest to contribute her share to the household. I no longer get Cb, Ctc or single council tax reduction for her because of her age so I asked her to put in what I lost so her sisters aren't at a disadvantage from the financial changes. She still has plenty of money to save if she is being wise. Her only other option would be to move out and that would be far more expensive for her than paying her way at home.

Op you seem to think that taking money off your dcs, for their “rent” is awful! My son is 26 and still lives at home. He pays me rent, because I would really struggle if he didn’t. I do NOT make a profit off him. My household bills (electric, gas, wi-fi, television etc.) are much higher because he lives with me. I also cook his meals, clean, wash his clothes, provide his packed meal for work etc. All these things cost (a lot of) money.

Do you seriously think that I should struggle financially, while he enjoys spending his money on his social life, designer clothes, football season ticket etc.? Don’t judge others, who do not have the luxury of being rich enough to soak up the extra money keeping their adult child at home takes!

Depends if the parents are on benefits that get reduced because their children are working and whether the child is sensibly saving for a deposit or spending every penny on luxuries. I personally didn't charge rent but dd was expected to save 50% of salary

Looks like its mainly down to financial situations, I don't charge rent just advise saving a portion of their salary

@M4J4

There really is if by rent people mean more than it actually costs to live there and by housekeeping costs they mean the actual amount it costs to live there, which is what PP meant I think

Exactly. It’s worrying that posters like @CallmeHendricks don’t understand this.

Don't patronise me! I understand perfectly. I just disagree with splitting hairs.

My sons earn the same as myself. I'm a single parent so they will absolutely help me out on the bills. And they do so willingly.