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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
x2boys · 10/10/2021 14:09

@Creamsoda77

I never had maintenance or tax credits only child benefit so not much difference really, they started buying own clothes more with pt jobs but no way on earth would I allow rent
So clearly you were well-off enough not to qualify for tax credits, is it to hard to understand different people have different circumstances?
Turnipup · 10/10/2021 14:09

@Creamsoda77

So child benefit ends and thats it, they have to pay? If you decide to have kids you should support them, I never paid rent and I was perfectly capable and moved out to my own house at 21, its not a life lesson!
Exactly this.

I don’t understand people complaining how expensive their children are or they’re skint because of their kids. It’s not the children’s fault they were born! Yes they need to learn life lessons but surely this is taught as they are growing up. You brought them into this world you should always take care of them!

HelloMissus · 10/10/2021 14:10

I’ve two adult D.C. at home.
Wouldn’t dream of asking for money from them for rent, bills, food etc
I also just bought them both a car.

But. And it’s a big but. We can very easily afford it. In fact I’d feel churlish asking for money considering how lucky DH and I in terms of income.

I don’t for one second think this I’ll cause problems down the line. They managed perfectly well at university, had summer jobs, never got in debt. In fact they’re very good with money.

Ted27 · 10/10/2021 14:11

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

After numerous posts on here do you still not get it?
No they don't cost more overnight when they turn 18, but many families lose income.
My son has a disability benefit, its just been halved. I'm down already. If he gets a job I will lose child benefit.
Is it really that hard to understand?

mobear · 10/10/2021 14:12

DC is only small but will definitely be asked to contribute when an adult, and if we can afford it I will set it aside for a deposit for DC.

DSC were not asked, are now approaching 30, and still living at home with no career and little prospect of moving out.

LookAtMoiPloise · 10/10/2021 14:12

at what point does it not become their home anymore, so sad

How bloody cringeworthy. So, because you pay the bills, is it not your home either? What's the relevance?!

blubberyboo · 10/10/2021 14:13

There is a major difference between charging rent and charging house keeping costs.

Rent is a charge simply to live in a building and housekeeping is a charge to pay contributions towards costs incurred for the extra person ie heating electricity food etc

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 10/10/2021 14:13

My mum was a single parent living in council house on minimum wage and not once asked myself or my brother to contribute when we stayed at home.

And you didn't think to offer a thing? My DM was In the same position and I wanted to contribute, she said no at first so I would buy the odd bit of food we all went through quickly (milk etc) then i said i would top up the meters as I would get home late and cook for myself.

This just proves though that no matter the income at home and if the parents are wealthy or minutes wage, some children, sorry adults at 18 have their head in the clouds.

almaonao · 10/10/2021 14:13

I agree. Contributions for food and other things fair enough but never rent.

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 14:14

Obviously, there are many households who have to ask for contributions in order to make ends meet.
But for those of us who don't technically "need" the money, I would say it is just as important to expect them to contribute; all the more so if they've had a cushioned upbringing thus far.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/10/2021 14:14

All families are different. All adult kids are different. Personally I wouldn't charge my adult children rent as our mortgage is paid off so it would feel like profiteering! I WOULD expect something towards living costs. My kids use quite a lot of electricity I think and they eat a HUGE amount of food. So it would seem fair to ask them to contribute towards that if they were earning as it's something they'd pay for anyway if they were living elsewhere. They'd be paying for their own phone and personal expenses, there's no way I'd still be giving them money towards those things.

The only exception to the "I wouldn't charge them rent" feeling here is if they had a FT job but showed no sign of saving up to get their own place and instead spent every last penny on having fun going out constantly or buying the latest tech and designer clothes, or if they stuck with a PT job because they felt they didn't need the money for a FT one. I mean, we can't afford to do that ourselves so I don't see why an overgrown child should, when they should be preparing themselves for an adult life separate from us.

x2boys · 10/10/2021 14:14

You should always take care of them @Turnipup?
So at my age of nearly 48, if I lost my income and home, I should go back to my 79 year old parents and demand to be taken care of because I didn't ask to be born???

ohtwatbollocks · 10/10/2021 14:15

Some people can't afford to fund another adult in the house, tax credits and child benefits stop when they turn 18, some people save the money to give to their children, some young adults need that encouragement to be more sensible and learn to pay bills. I paid board when I was younger and didn't resent it 🤷🏻‍♀️ my children are too young to know what I'll do yet.

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 14:15

You brought them into this world you should always take care of them

And they are being taken care of; they live in homes in which their keep is much less than half of what their rent/mortgage/bills would be. Is that not being taken care of?

Glassofshloer · 10/10/2021 14:15

YABVU.

I’m not saying parents should look to profit out of their kids (or even charge them the market rate), but it is important adult kids learn to pay their own way & not expect parents to continue to provide everything for them past the age of 18. A token £150 or so is ideal but then some parents will need more as they can’t afford to keep a grown adult at home on the cheap, and why should they?

I also think if an adult child is living at home to ‘save for a house’ their parents are quite entitled to check they are actually saving and not chucking money down the drain while living cheap.

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 14:15

"There is a major difference between charging rent and charging house keeping costs."

There really isn't!! Who cares what you call it? As I said before, it's semantics.

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 14:17

[quote Hdhshxhs]@HaveANiceFuckingDay well you're unpleasant, not surprised your son never leaves his room![/quote]
They said literally nothing out of turn. Unclench.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/10/2021 14:17

@HopeYourHighHorseBucks

My mum was a single parent living in council house on minimum wage and not once asked myself or my brother to contribute when we stayed at home.

And you didn't think to offer a thing? My DM was In the same position and I wanted to contribute, she said no at first so I would buy the odd bit of food we all went through quickly (milk etc) then i said i would top up the meters as I would get home late and cook for myself.

This just proves though that no matter the income at home and if the parents are wealthy or minutes wage, some children, sorry adults at 18 have their head in the clouds.

Ah yes, I agree that's taking the piss out of a too-generous parent. I was jobless and on income support for a year when living at home when I was 18, I got hardly any money each week but I still gave her something out of that towards my food etc.
FatCatThinCat · 10/10/2021 14:18

My adult daughter wouldn't dream of living anywhere without paying her way on account of her being an adult.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 10/10/2021 14:20

People are confusing 'making a profit/ rent' with 'paying for your own costs'. In my area I could rent my kids rooms for £500 each and any lodger would need to get their own food. I would not charge my kids that if they were still here when they are working adults, but I would expect them to pay towards their food (as I'd expect we'd not shop and eat separately) and a contribution to bills and basic household maintenance - maybe around £200 a month. We would lose less than that in child benefit but for me it's not about replacing the amount we no longer get, it's about an adult paying their own way. If I am lucky enough to be able to spend that £200 on a plush meal out twice a month, I may do so and won't feel bad about it at all. My child would not be paying for me to go out, they would simply be paying for the things they consume. I'd be ashamed to have raised a child who expected it to be any different.

Newmumatlast · 10/10/2021 14:20

@Genderwitched

I am afraid I wouldn't respect an adult DC who was earning lots of money, living completely free at home. We have already had this discussion with ours, they can see how hard we work to make a comfortable home. We wouldn't expect anything until they were earning well, and then just a reasonable contribution. They wouldn't feel comfortable living free while earning well, they've got more self respect and dignity than that!!
Agree with you. I wouldn't have brought up the children I want to if they were willing to not contribute even if allowed to. Similarly I wouldn't expect any DC I have to want to date someone willing to Iive at home for free, not paying their way at all.
ILoveJamaica · 10/10/2021 14:21

There's a half way house surely? My DD is a Teacher on a good wage. I asked for just £10 a day. She probably eats that amount! So everything else is for free. I think that's reasonable. She is between jobs at the moment (new job lined up), so I have said I don't want anything.

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 10/10/2021 14:23

But for families who rely on tax credits and CSA that stops when the child turns 18 they can’t afford not to charge rent to replace the lost income. If that was the situation I wouldn’t judge them.

Creamsoda77 · 10/10/2021 14:25

You make a choice to have kids so it feels odd to me to suddenly stop supporting at 18 for example, I would let mine be here in their home n their 20's and advise them to save for a house, I haven't any extra costs just because they suddenly turn 18 ?

HesterShaw1 · 10/10/2021 14:25

How on earth are young adults supposed to learn how to be adults if there are no expectations placed on them?

How long will your arrangement last OP?

My cousin aged 45 still lives with his parents. They don't charge him anything and he's never bothered to move out