Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right to charge adult children rent to live at home

822 replies

Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 11:50

I have a few friends who charge their adult DC rent to live at home.

I personally find this very strange, no matter their age my children will always be my children and welcome in my home without any expectation of money.

I think aswell with it being so hard for young people to get on the housing ladder these days one of the only ways they can is to live at home rent free so they can save for a deposit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 10/10/2021 13:59

OP Why should a adult expect to earn a wage but not contribute to feeding themselves. They would soon get a bloody shock when they left home and realised how much it cost to live.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2021 14:00

Not sure not charging children to live at home is a stealth boast. It will cost me no extra at 17 than it will at 18 plus.

liveforsummer · 10/10/2021 14:00

I have zero left at the end of each month. The only reason I can currently buy food and house my dc is because I receive tax credits, child benefit and some help towards housing for a 2 bed place. Once all that stops I'll ha e to move just to afford to eat myself. Dc will sadly need to fend for themselves. That's the reality for so many and is likely to get worse not better in the next few years

Creamsoda77 · 10/10/2021 14:01

Not at all, as mentioned i never paid anything and It wasn't a shock, i adjusted and had a mortgage at 21 thanks very much, its a silly example...........

Genderwitched · 10/10/2021 14:01

I am afraid I wouldn't respect an adult DC who was earning lots of money, living completely free at home. We have already had this discussion with ours, they can see how hard we work to make a comfortable home. We wouldn't expect anything until they were earning well, and then just a reasonable contribution. They wouldn't feel comfortable living free while earning well, they've got more self respect and dignity than that!!

ChocAuVin · 10/10/2021 14:01

My adult son pays me £175 a month towards his upkeep because I’m a single parent to younger children and I can’t afford to support him for free. So in my view YABU (not because I don’t think it’s aspirational to not charge your adult kids rent, but rather that I find it very short-sighted to not grasp that some of us may have to).

PinkiOcelot · 10/10/2021 14:02

ODFOD!!

x2boys · 10/10/2021 14:02

@Creamsoda77

So child benefit ends and thats it, they have to pay? If you decide to have kids you should support them, I never paid rent and I was perfectly capable and moved out to my own house at 21, its not a life lesson!
your just not getting it are you, it not just child benefit, it could be tax credits, maintenance etc as well which could add up to several hundred a month So a parent could maybe lose £5/600a month, and they should still be expected to support there full time working adult child 🙄
JumperandJacket · 10/10/2021 14:02

@CallmeHendricks

"I wouldn’t charge them rent- it’s their home and always will be."

Why would paying rent/contributing towards bills (don't see the difference, regardless of the terminology) mean it's not their home?

You don’t pay rent to stay somewhere that’s already yours.

To me, there’s a big difference between sharing an expense and one person potentially profiting from another.

Creamsoda77 · 10/10/2021 14:04

I never had maintenance or tax credits only child benefit so not much difference really, they started buying own clothes more with pt jobs but no way on earth would I allow rent

InsanityOf2020 · 10/10/2021 14:05

Yadbu

Adult children that are earning should pay their board which covers their food, utilities, lodgings etc. this can be a nominal amount if you wish. This is normally a percentage of their income, think it was 30% when i was a that age.

The property ladder argument is a misnomer, on the current salaries vs the property price gap, a young person is going to have to save for decades before they are ready to put a deposit down on a house then they step out into the world with no idea about money management because they were given a free ride at home? Really.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 10/10/2021 14:05

@JumperandJacket

To me, there’s a big difference between sharing an expense and one person potentially profiting from another.

But how do you profit from an adult child contribution to the household? They are only paying a small percentage of the actual cost

Original poster
Hdhshxhs · 10/10/2021 14:05

@HaveANiceFuckingDay well you're unpleasant, not surprised your son never leaves his room!

OP posts:
Imnothereforthedrama · 10/10/2021 14:06

What about teaching that life isn’t free . Go ahead don’t charge adult children rent but in my opinion even if you can afford it you are treating them like children and not teaching them you have to pay your way in the world . For me once your out of full time education and are working full time you pay rent. The amount is irrelevant even if it’s a token sum as I know some that charge peanuts but it’s still a amount .

x2boys · 10/10/2021 14:06

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Not sure not charging children to live at home is a stealth boast. It will cost me no extra at 17 than it will at 18 plus.
That's lovely for you, however different people have different life styles and finances,.
AhNowTed · 10/10/2021 14:07

@willithappen

Harsh to call it a stealth boast. My mum was a single parent living in council house on minimum wage and not once asked myself or my brother to contribute when we stayed at home. We generally got our own food, but were never charged rent because she didn't think it was fair

Why didn't you give your struggling single mum on minimum wage a few bob?

Did it not occur to you that it wasn't fair.

Woeismethischristmas · 10/10/2021 14:07

I don’t see a problem with it. A lot of people can’t afford it. As an 18yo I’d of had more than 1k disposable income a month whilst other people in the household would be lucky to have a couple of quid spare. If you’re well off I’d charge and then save for a house deposit for them. I’ve met a few blokes who live at home with no bills and mum still doing laundry. It doesn’t tend to end up with well rounded adults.

Newmumatlast · 10/10/2021 14:07

@Hdhshxhs

Not sure how it's a stealth boast. It doesn't make sense to me that youd have children but the second they turn 18 you can't afford to have them around anymore
I think there is quite the difference between turning your child away as soon as they're 18 and charging an adult in their 20s who should by then be at least starting their career.

I've never really understood the argument about not being able to afford not to charge kids rent because you'll have managed it before - though obviously can understand child benefit wise.

However, I am on the side of the charging if nothing else because they need to learn budgeting and how to stand on their own two feet as one day you won't be there. I think people are letting their children down actually if they don't give them the tools to learn to be independent. I charged my stepdaughter however because we could afford having her here we only took a small contribution of that rent and saved all of the rest. She had to learn budgeting and show she was saving and then she got the lump sum when she moved. She was mid 20s though and really did need to sort things out as she didn't have a full time.job, any direction career wise and was looking like she would never move out of her mums so we took her in for a couple of years and she left us with a good career, savings, deposit to rent and able to budget. Now doing very well. Do I think she would be in the same position if we hadn't got her used to paying her way? No. Not at all. She needed the reality check as she had no incentive before to sort things out and no tools to do so.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2021 14:08

then they step out into the world with no idea about money management because they were given a free ride at home

Not sure self supporting as an adult has anything to do with not having to pay board given how many are reliant on the state to pay their costs and fund children.

CallmeHendricks · 10/10/2021 14:08

"To me, there’s a big difference between sharing an expense and one person potentially profiting from another."

This is semantics. You can call it rent and disapprove, or expenses and think it's fine. The bottom line is, adult kids are learning that it costs money to run a home and if they are earning good money, why should they get a free ride?

fuckoffImcounting · 10/10/2021 14:08

My DC moved back home for a year due to Covid, and was working remotely. I did not charge anything and they saved every penny of their salary and bought a property. We are not wealthy people, I am relieved that my DC is a home owner instead of renting as before.

AllWaxedOut · 10/10/2021 14:09

@Creamsoda77

I never had maintenance or tax credits only child benefit so not much difference really, they started buying own clothes more with pt jobs but no way on earth would I allow rent
How long for, would you allow this forever? At what point would you expect an adult child to pay for themselves?

Did your children not feel embarrassed and infantile having Mummy pay for everything?

ItsMsAtomicBobToYou · 10/10/2021 14:09

What absolute nonsense. Grown people eat more than small children. They use more electricity. They generally cost more to keep than a small child.

If you're working, you pay something towards the house. You don't leech off your parents your entire life. And likewise, parents don't infantilise their children. Living costs money, and the sooner they learn that the better it is for everyone.

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 14:09

@Creamsoda77

I never had maintenance or tax credits only child benefit so not much difference really, they started buying own clothes more with pt jobs but no way on earth would I allow rent
How wonderful for you! Unfortunately, for others, they will deem it necessary to ask for some input.
bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 10/10/2021 14:09

My parents started asking for something when we were both out of education and in first job. With me they put it in an account and put it towards my wedding. I only paid £200 a month.

My brother still lives at home and am sure he gives mum something but not sure how much. He looks as if he's never moving out.

I think I will be doing similar when my son is older.

Swipe left for the next trending thread