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Original poster

To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

765 replies

cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:32

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 10/10/2021 00:42

Perhaps he thought you were a witch, as it's bewitching hour at 12 midnight, and that's when witches start to have great powers, and it scared him off as to what might happen.

SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 00:44

he said nothing about having later plans.

Sorry, I've asked this having missed I earlier in the thread.

Really rude, I think.

If s bloke had done it to me, I would not have been OK with it, I'd have felt like a lemon, and really resented him not giving me the chance to make follow on plans for myself, if available. Or just to postpone date til another night.

I honestly think, in my 20s I would have looked up a fwb on way home, hooked up with them, and possibly not seen him again.

TatianaBis · 10/10/2021 00:44

It’s not rude it’s just busy.

There are loads of things that fly on MN that I think are rude - mobile phones at the table, not talking to your neighbours, charging for drinks at weddings, calling people out in Asda.

But I really can’t get worked up about a man with a social life.

HalzTangz · 10/10/2021 00:45

Told his wife he'd be home at midnight

thenewduchessofhastings · 10/10/2021 00:45

Sounds like he had a booty call at midnight.

TheChip · 10/10/2021 00:46

Isn't 12am a reasonable time to end a date anyway?

Yummypumpkin · 10/10/2021 00:47

So how long am a meant to stay on a date for? I'd always leave at about 11. How long am I expected to stay out? I generally want to get home at about this time...am I hugely out of touch? What is the acceptable time to end a date then???

gannett · 10/10/2021 00:53

God I ended dates at 11pm because I was going clubbing with my friends afterwards so many times in my 20s. Never thought it would cause offence (and none of the guys seemed to take any).

Never had any rules about what date to sleep with someone on (could be the first, could be the tenth) but 3rd is definitely plausibly "still taking it slow, not expecting sex" territory.

gannett · 10/10/2021 00:54

@thenewduchessofhastings

Sounds like he had a booty call at midnight.
Do you know what time people go to clubs or is a booty call the only thing you can imagine them doing at midnight?
Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 00:55

For context, we are both in our 40s!

OP posts:
gannett · 10/10/2021 01:04

@cocavino

For context, we are both in our 40s!
I'm in my late 30s and haven't been on a date in 10 years but I still go clubbing sometimes and have friends in their 40s who do as well. We go clubbing because we love the music and we love dancing.
SLT90 · 10/10/2021 01:06

I don't think it's rude he didn't mention the plans. You haven't said what time you went out for your date. If you were meeting at 6 or 7 for dinner and drinks then it's probably fair to assume you'd be done by 11 and so his other plans wouldn't be relevant to tell you about. He must realised the date was running on later than expected and so only then mentioned he needed to leave by 11. I don't see it as a terrible offense! Also he said he had a great time, and didn't assume he was getting sex on 3rd date, sounds decent to me 🤷‍♀️

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 10/10/2021 01:06

Nothing wrong with him having a social life. But him not telling you until the moment he has to leave is rude as fuck

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 10/10/2021 01:08

@SLT90

I don't think it's rude he didn't mention the plans. You haven't said what time you went out for your date. If you were meeting at 6 or 7 for dinner and drinks then it's probably fair to assume you'd be done by 11 and so his other plans wouldn't be relevant to tell you about. He must realised the date was running on later than expected and so only then mentioned he needed to leave by 11. I don't see it as a terrible offense! Also he said he had a great time, and didn't assume he was getting sex on 3rd date, sounds decent to me 🤷‍♀️
This is also true. What time did you go out?
Gwenhwyfar · 10/10/2021 01:11

"I wouldn't do what he did to a mate, let alone a date."

WTF? If you're out for a drink with a friend, you wouldn't leave at 11? What time is it OK to leave?

Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 01:15

We met at 6:45. He was a bit late.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 10/10/2021 01:15

"But it seems rude not to say he has plans for after, or to even arrange any time to kiss or anything?"

Why is it rude? If you're OK with him not staying the night (your other posts totally contradict this, but OK), then 11 is the end of the evening anyway isn't it? He didn't cut the date short.

CatAndHisKit · 10/10/2021 01:15

Well some would say it's nice that he went on a long date with oyu without expecting sex or even a heavy kissing sesssion - meaning he enjoys your company and is possibly interested in an LTR so takes it slower.
But if you only want a fling, then be straight with him as maybe you are not on the same page. I get it though, so disappointing when you are fired up for more and the date ends with a peck on the lips! I@m just saying I wouldn;t say it was rude as such, depends on his motives.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/10/2021 01:16

"I'd have felt like a lemon, and really resented him not giving me the chance to make follow on plans for myself, if available. "

For midnight?? I get that some people go out clubbing that late, but why would someone need to have plans for that time of night.

Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 01:19

@CatAndHisKit I'm honestly not sure of his motives. This seems to make it clear that it's not about sex, though! That's for sure.

OP posts:
TheChip · 10/10/2021 01:20

6:45-11pm and you're complaining that he didn't telk you he had plans for afterwards? How much extra did you want to spend with him?
I think thats a really decent length of time for a date.

If it is sex you're after though, then tell him or look elsewhere as it seems he is trying to do this properly for a relationship.

Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 01:24

@TheChip i am also uncertain of my motives. I suppose there is nothing stopping me from dating other people who want to have sex with me. I haven't been single in about 10 years and I don't love dating.

OP posts:
ThreeYearsPastBestByDate · 10/10/2021 01:37

It's a bit strange that he has something to attend that starts at midnight but maybe that's just me being my boring self who doesn't like late nights out but it doesn't seem like a deal-breaker, just because he didn't get physical on the third date. He might have thought it was better to see you for as long as he could than to rearrange for another night. Maybe Date #4 will be everything you hoped #3 would be. What's the hurry?

If you're still interested in him, I'd drop some heavily flirtatious hints before your next date, then see where that leads. Or just tell him outright that you want to take things to the next level, physically.

Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 01:42

@ThreeYearsPastBestByDate the hurry I guess is that I am becoming desperate for physical contact. I even got waxed!

Looks like I need to spend some more time sorting myself out. I am extremely confused by a man showing so little interest in me physically.

OP posts:
StoodOnAPlug · 10/10/2021 01:54

You come across as annoying and hard work. He should run a mile.