Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

765 replies

cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:32

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 09/10/2021 23:54

I can't see what he did wrong. Someone he worked with was having a leaving do, maybe he forgot about it so arranged a date with you, and then on the day remembered it, so was honest with you and said he would have to leave at 11pm to go to a colleague's leaving do.

He sent you a text saying he'd had a nice time, so what's the problem?

Original poster
cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:55

@UsernameNotAvailableApparently thanks. I think I may just want a casual fling after a terrible few years. I want to feel attractive. Maybe I need to diversify my dating pool.

OP posts:
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 09/10/2021 23:55

I can see why you're a bit 🧐🧐🧐🧐, OP.

If you'd already had a bit of chemistry in date 2, it's not unreasonable to expect sparks to fly during date 3.

It would have been nice for him to plan a date with you when things could have moved naturally to the next step.... as it is, he's left you hanging and that's not pleasant.

FWBNC · 09/10/2021 23:57

Why didn't he invite you to go with him? Sounds odd to me.

Cocogreen · 09/10/2021 23:57

Maybe he was invited to a party and said he'd make an appearance but it wouldn't be til very late.

Original poster
cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:58

@Mamamia7962 he didn't mention the other event until I suggested staying longer to listen to live music. I mean, he has a right to have other plans. I think I just need to decide whether I am interested in this guy and his attitude, which seems nice but not super keen or anything

OP posts:
Breakingmad · 09/10/2021 23:59

I think it’s beyond rude. Who makes plans for midnight when they’re going on a date with someone? It’s rude and weird.

Original poster
cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:59

And he wants me to send him a message saying I am home. Why? What is the point of this? Is that sweet???

OP posts:
TheChip · 10/10/2021 00:00

How long were you out for?
If it was only an hour then it's a bit shit, but if you've been out for a good few hours before he had to break away then I dont see a problem.

PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 10/10/2021 00:00

Did he leave you to find your own way home???

He's not a keeper, is he.

lawofdistraction · 10/10/2021 00:00

I think you need to look at the positives here. He's got friends, a life of his own. He also isn't just after sex, he wants to get to know you. This could be the basis for a very healthy relationship surely.

TheChip · 10/10/2021 00:01

Do you feel like he has rejected you for his friends?
What is your take in all of this, what do you think it means?

SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 00:03

I can't help it, if someone did this to me, I'd have to do it to them to see how they react and have a laugh.

Mamamia7962 · 10/10/2021 00:05

Did he just leave you in a pub or did he he see you safely to your car or taxi?

SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 00:05

Actually what matters a bit IMHO is whether he told you beforehand or not, or Jamestown sprung it on you having gone on a date.

That's rude and arrogant.

Also making you confirm.you're home safe - when he's the one who left the date to go elsewhere (without prepping you?) when he couldve just picked another night and made sure you got home safely himself.

Original poster
cocavino · 10/10/2021 00:06

We went out for dinner and music. I feel fairly annoyed even if that's not rational. I'm minded to make this the last date so that I can focus on men who seem more interested.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 10/10/2021 00:08

I think having plans at midnight is far less rude than him presuming that just because you kissed on rbr last date there would be overnight action this time.

Where were you? If he was expecting dinner, drinks and then going your own ways then midnight isn’t early to have other plans for. Especially if he’s missed most of the evening with his friends to spend time with you.

Percypigg · 10/10/2021 00:08

Midnight Mass?

Miliao · 10/10/2021 00:09

Poor guy. He stayed as late as he could with you knowing he’d be going to a leaving do later. I would say if it’s an early date then midnight would be fine to call it a night. As to the poster who said that as he left you to find your own way home then he’s not a keeper - what on Earth?!!!! Do you rely on a man to walk you home every night - no! I think it sounds like you had a great time, he then stayed as long as he could because he was enjoying himself, then when the night came to a close he went to his do. I wouldn’t invite a three date person to a works leaving do either. If you don’t like him then call it a day, but I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

480Widdio · 10/10/2021 00:10

Did he leave you to find your own way home?

TheChip · 10/10/2021 00:11

You wanted sex with him, but now you don't feel like having another date because he didn't have sex with you.
If that's what you want to do then fair enough, but it doesn't make sense to me.

DartmoorChef · 10/10/2021 00:12

I'm betting its the boxing but he should have said if it was.

SleepingBunnies21 · 10/10/2021 00:12

Poor guy. He stayed as late as he could with you knowing he’d be going to a leaving do later

Why didn't he just pick a different night for his dare with op, rather than fucking off at 11.30 or whatever to go on somewhere else.

If op dust know he was going to do that u til the date, that's pretty rude.

wheneveryousaymyname · 10/10/2021 00:13

[quote cocavino]@Mamamia7962 he didn't mention the other event until I suggested staying longer to listen to live music. I mean, he has a right to have other plans. I think I just need to decide whether I am interested in this guy and his attitude, which seems nice but not super keen or anything[/quote]
Yeah. No. I wouldn't like this at all.

spongebobscaredypants · 10/10/2021 00:14

Boxing's on