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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird after a 3rd date?

765 replies

cocavino · 09/10/2021 23:32

We kissed heavily on date 2. On date 3, he had plans at midnight, thus necessitating ending the date at 12pm???

He followed up with a text about what a great time he had.

I'm a bit put off.

OP posts:
NotresDames · 11/10/2021 14:15

Do you always use phrases like 'deliberate misapprehension' and 'public transportation'? Are you a WPC?

Original poster
cocavino · 11/10/2021 14:20

@NotresDames The truth is that I have a long history of posting about relationship problems (on other forums but here too). A weird skill I have is getting good engagement with my questions. I actually find it very fascinating to understand others' views on issues and I appreciate it when people weigh in.

I sort of suspect that I may be slightly neurodivergent because I can overintellectualise things or need some basic human responses explained iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
cocavino · 11/10/2021 14:22

@NotresDames yes, i do always use language like this. I really like precision in language, I have legal training, and I have a decent vocabulary. The way I speak may be weirdly formal at times.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 11/10/2021 14:25

[quote cocavino]@TheFoundations i literally explained that i wrote those posts when on the back foot. They also were not elegantly drafted as I was on public transportation etc and making my way home[/quote]
The reason you posted was because you were on the back foot. The whole issue is that you feel he put you on the back foot. Your back foot is still one of your feet, and what you say when you're stood on that one is just as valid as what you say when you're on your front foot. It's a different mood, but it's still you. It's still part of your truth. Your denial of that is part of what's causing the issues here.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2021 16:11

I don’t think anyone said you delaying responding then doing so in a
Luke warm way was “unforgivably horrible.”

If I’m being honest I think you were hoping he’d want some sexual activity , you had planned accordingly and then went in a huff/sulked when he didn’t step up and try it with you and ended the date after five hours.

You keep saying you’re intelligent and emotionally intelligent too, yet your behaviour indicates an overly sensitive, reactive and huffy personality.

I mean this was just a guy you’d met three times, he spent five hours on a date with you prior to going on to another engagement, on this thread you’ve started off that you want to find a man who offers you sex and you are desperate for sex…moving through to it’s just about whether he should have told you earlier, whilst you were blatantly ignoring him, texting Luke warm, wanting him to chase you, shouting at posters and threatening to flounce, whilst then going back again and declaring repeatedly it is fine for you to expect something more sexual then denying you meant that in a loop

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 17:54

I think the previous post by @TheFoundations was spot on. About your back and front foot.

The issue that is making posters confront you, is the way you are not owning some of your own behaviour and trying to wipe out what you posted initially.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 18:03

It's like watching the playground mob incessantly taunting their victim. Horrible reading.

The very worst of MN.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2021 18:19

@5catsonthedesk

It's like watching the playground mob incessantly taunting their victim. Horrible reading.

The very worst of MN.

What because people don’t agree with you you Think you’re a victim?
TheChip · 11/10/2021 18:22

@5catsonthedesk are you OP under a different handle?

Watchingyouwazowski · 11/10/2021 18:28

@cocavino I’ve read your more recent posts and I think you’ve got your head screwed on just right. You are so right to identify the behaviours that trouble you and to choose not to pursue further dates because of it.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 18:36

The way people are repeatedly persecuting OP with their psychobabble mumbo jumbo is very unpleasant to read.

Who are you to tell her she doesn't know her own mind?

How strange that you think I’m the OP because I can see where she's coming from.

If you think I'm the OP, report me to MN.

MsHedgehog · 11/10/2021 18:38

@5catsonthedesk Are you ever going to respond to the questions people have asked you, or will you continue to ignore them because they don’t suit your agenda?

TheChip · 11/10/2021 18:42

@5catsonthedesk

The way people are repeatedly persecuting OP with their psychobabble mumbo jumbo is very unpleasant to read.

Who are you to tell her she doesn't know her own mind?

How strange that you think I’m the OP because I can see where she's coming from.

If you think I'm the OP, report me to MN.

Thats not the reason why I was thinking that. Its because you seem more invested in this than the actual OP.
MsHedgehog · 11/10/2021 18:43

[quote TheChip]@5catsonthedesk are you OP under a different handle?[/quote]
Admittedly this had crossed my mind too. It’s so so odd.

5catsonthedesk · 11/10/2021 18:49

What questions? Do you mean the fascinating, “What if this was a lunch date.., What if this? What if that?... What if the were a man?” I'd this what you mean?

There is no point getting intkthst because these questions are irrelevant. I cant explain again. If you can't even credit someone with the ability to make HER OWN judgements in this SPECIFIC scenario, then there's nothing to say.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 18:55

I can't be bothered with this anymore.

At last!

And to say that asking you questions about a parallel scenario is irrelevant, that is complete BS.

You chose to dodge questions because you know they ARE relevant.

And please stop being rude and offensive simply because people don't like your posts.

NotresDames · 11/10/2021 18:56

Who are you to tell her she doesn't know her own mind?

Go back a few pages @5catsonthedesk and you will find that the OP said she was very confused. (Hence coming to this forum.)

Dreamstate · 11/10/2021 19:30

@5catsonthedesk

What questions? Do you mean the fascinating, “What if this was a lunch date.., What if this? What if that?... What if the were a man?” I'd this what you mean?

There is no point getting intkthst because these questions are irrelevant. I cant explain again. If you can't even credit someone with the ability to make HER OWN judgements in this SPECIFIC scenario, then there's nothing to say.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.

If OP was making her own judgements on this scenario as you say then why does she need to come on forum and ask people then? She wouldn't would she.

Literally the most stupidest thing I've ever read on here

Loveshelly · 11/10/2021 19:43

Well this thread happened!!!

TheFoundations · 12/10/2021 09:42

@5catsonthedesk

What questions? Do you mean the fascinating, “What if this was a lunch date.., What if this? What if that?... What if the were a man?” I'd this what you mean?

There is no point getting intkthst because these questions are irrelevant. I cant explain again. If you can't even credit someone with the ability to make HER OWN judgements in this SPECIFIC scenario, then there's nothing to say.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.

It sounds like this thread has been so exhausting for you!

If OP was comfortable to make her own judgments about the scenario, she wouldn't have created a thread about it. The thread title is a specific question, openly asking for people's judgments of the situation. She doesn't even credit herself with the ability to make judgments in this SPECIFIC scenario.

Offering examples of a similar situation with slight variations is a perfectly valid philosophical method of gaining a deeper understanding of thoughts and thought processes. A good example is the trolley problem.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trolley_problem

You thinking 'there's nothing to say' is fine, of course. It's your prerogative whether to speak. But that doesn't mean you're making any sense.

Blossomtoes · 12/10/2021 09:44

Jesus, is this still going? 🙄

TrollsAreSaddos · 12/10/2021 09:48

@Blossomtoes

Jesus, is this still going? 🙄
Well you are still reading and you are still posting so it’s still ‘going’
Blossomtoes · 12/10/2021 09:58

I haven’t read it since Sunday! I’m just astonished something so trivial can last so long.

Original poster
cocavino · 13/10/2021 09:14

Update: the guy has sent a thoughtful text about a job interview I have today. So he seems to be nice and also not to have found me horribly rude, contrary to the unnecessarily harsh criticism here.

Still not sure whether/how to take it forward. All of my upcoming weekends are quickly getting rammed with birthdays and dinners, so it may turn out that I don't have time for dating anyway.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 13/10/2021 09:24

If you respond to him, does that mean that you didn't find him rude?

The fact is, you did, and the question for you is whether you can overlook that sort of behaviour in favour of his good qualities, or whether it will overshadow them.

Rude to one person isn't rude to another. That's why you've got varied opinions on the thread. You just need to decide whether you'd rather be with a guy who didn't go clubbing without you after an evening out together, or not.