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Original poster

My daughter doesn’t have a bedroom-is this bad

369 replies

Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 18:54

Dd, 3, sleeps in our room/bed, all her toys are downstairs..everywhere, plus in the garden etc. We have one extra bedroom that’s used as a spare room currently for when people come to stay. We’re getting it ready to be her bedroom, but it’s taking so long because it’s so expensive! Saving back a bit each month to decorate it all fully, buy the bed, shelves, chair, rugs, decorations etc etc.
Is it shit that she doesn’t have her own room yet? Feel so bad about it 🥲

OP posts:
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/10/2021 18:57

Just pop in her there - as long as it has bed and safe flooring what else does she need? I never bought a bed for my son - he went into a double bed that we already had. Decorations - just blu tak the many pieces of art work that get brought home. Toys - stick them in the room. Get a cheapo my little pony [insert fav thing] throw to cover the bed. It will look great Grin

Feeasco · 09/10/2021 19:06

Does not have to be a or nothing. Give her the spare room and move her toys in with posters she will like. I wouldn't prioritise strangers over her.

BunsyGirl · 09/10/2021 19:08

Double beds are far more practical than toddler beds. You can easily get in and give them a cuddle if they are unwell/upset in the night. Also, it can still be used for guests and the child can sleep on a blow up bed/mattress in your room.

BoardingSchoolMater · 09/10/2021 19:09

I am not sure my DC had 'proper' rooms until they were 5+. DC1 was definitely in a spare room, as was DC2. We couldn't specifically 're-purpose' them because one was my study and the other was XH's room for part of the time (no space downstairs for a study). One of the DC had a crib in the bathroom at one point. It was only once we moved house that they all had bedrooms - and even then, they were just neutral walls and bits of furniture given to us by my parents. I don't think they have been bothered by it. But it might partly be because we did all our living downstairs - bedrooms were just for sleeping in, so they didn't need to be fancy. Someone upthread suggested £500 was reasonable. I'd say that was a crazy amount to spend. You can personalise it with a duvet which your child would like - one of mine had a revolting Disney Princess duvet cover at that age. It was the height of terrible taste, but it was cheap and cheerful and she loved going to sleep in it.

Bleachmycloths · 09/10/2021 19:12

@Thesearmsofmine

I don’t think it’s terrible but I do think if you have the room then she should have the option of her own room. It doesn’t need to cost much. Just buy a bed and you have a bedroom. We got a lovely bed second hand on Facebook. None of my children have decorated bedrooms, we rent so they have cream walls.
“… have the option”??? She’s 3 years old for God’s sake Giving 3 year olds options leads to spoiled, entitled teenagers and adults
Viviennemary · 09/10/2021 19:12

I think you should just let her move to the room and sort it as you go along. Otherwise it will never get done.

Anoisagusaris · 09/10/2021 19:14

Why not just use the double bed that’s already there? Toddler beds aren’t necessary. My 3 moved straight from a cot to a king sized bed that we already had (and as the next one was due to move out of the cot, the one in the king bed moved to a different room bed. The furniture in all 3 rooms is regular ‘adult’ furniture. You just need a pair of curtains, bed linen and some decoration (eg pictures, lampshade ) to make it a ‘kids room’.

Jackx80 · 09/10/2021 19:17

Hi I’m a mum to 2 teenage girls 14 and 17, married, work part time.

Jackx80 · 09/10/2021 19:18

Our 14 year old shared with her nan for a while as we live with my mum and she didn’t want to share with her 17 year old sister so she had to wait till we got a conservatory built this is now her room.

Notreallyhappy · 09/10/2021 19:19

Your daughter deserves the spare room...for herself to play to grow.

Usernamerequired · 09/10/2021 19:19

Look at local freecycle/facebook pages for some lovely things people are giving away

Lilymossflower · 09/10/2021 19:21

My child is 4 and shares a room with me. We have a spare room but she has interest in me moving her bed in there. Her toys are everywhere. I think it's fine tbh

Lilymossflower · 09/10/2021 19:21

*has no interest, it should have said!

Usernamerequired · 09/10/2021 19:23

You could also get a guard for end of the double bed to stop her rolling off and push the bed into a corner. That way no need to worry about getting a new bed and its still there if needed for guests

cansu · 09/10/2021 19:28

It really just needs to be clean and have a bed. It is entirely up to you but moving her into her own room will be difficult if you procrastinate.

LittleMissPlant · 09/10/2021 19:28

She doesn’t need to have it nicely decorated with everything to her taste. Sure - that would be awesome.
But, if it’s good enough for a guest room then it’s good enough to be her room.
Don’t get yourself bogged down with having to have an Insta worthy bedroom. She’ll love it because you’ve sorted it for her

BreatheAndFocus · 09/10/2021 19:36

Well no, it’s not “shit” and you shouldn’t be upset about it. However, I do think it’s a bit weird to prioritise guests over your DD. It should have been set up as her bedroom when she was a few months old. You don’t keep a room empty just in case guests visit when you have a DC that needs it.

When my DC moved into their own rooms, they literally had a cot plus hardly anything. One had a cot and a pretty rug, another a cot and a mobile that she was given as a present, and the third had a cot, a decorated rug and a flatpack wardrobe. To say we had minimal money for the first two DC is an understatement yet we still managed.

You don’t even need a wardrobe if you can’t afford it. You could have a hanging rail or fold her clothes into those canvas storage boxes. You must have curtains up already for the guests so keep those until you can afford some child-centred ones. Sell the double bed if you have one in there and put the money towards a sofa bed for the lounge or simply towards your DD’s room.

Even if your DD still likes to sleep in your bed, I think it’s important she has her own room. Decorate as time goes by. A patterned or character duvet cover is cheap and will clearly mark the room out as hers.

nexus63 · 09/10/2021 19:42

please don't feel bad, the first 3 years of my son's life we lived in various one room bedsits until we could get a council house, he is 34 now and doing great with his only little family. one thing you could try is all the free websites in your area, you can get everything from them, my little grandson was unexpected and all his things even some clothes all came from these sites, when he was finished with them they were passed on to others for free, have a look...you will be amazed at how quick you can do your little girls room for little money.

Echobelly · 09/10/2021 19:47

It's fine - we've been in this house over 6 years and only just decorated oldest's (now 13) room, which had horrible brown carpet and was dominated by massive built in wardrobe! Not so much money as the every single thing had to be done at once and we finally had a few weeks when she was away to do it.

Suspicioussam · 09/10/2021 19:51

We had a 2 bed flat and purposely kept our son in with us till he was 3 and had the other room as a spare room for guests, which was great as we regularly had family visiting. We had a split level flat and I didn't really want him on a different floor plus our bedroom was plenty big enough for 3.
There is so much pressure to move a baby into their own room so early in this country, I don't get it. So many people spend weeks, years even carrying a child back into a room they don't even want to be in. Each to their own but you can do whatever you want and it's certainly not neglectful!

Our son loved sleeping in our room, he was far happier being close and if he woke we just picked him up and popped him in our bed.
At age 3 we decorated his room bright orange just the way he wanted it and he moved in there happily and confidently. I don't regret those lovely years all being together.

StripyHorse · 09/10/2021 19:53

If it works for you... it's fine. She's safe and loved.

But, I agree that the room doesn't need to be 'perfect'. Perhaps paint it, and a bed if you don't want her to have a double bed. Everything else can come later.

We put DD1 into a single bed once we needed the cot bed back - seemed daft buying a bed just to use for a year or so.

threatmatrix · 09/10/2021 19:57

She is loved, well fed and looked after they are the main things, who cares about a bedroom as she’s still young x

UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2021 19:58

It's fine. I had a nursery but both of mine slept with me til 4 and then on and off til about 7. Neither were bothered about having a bedroom til then.

Gagaandgag · 09/10/2021 19:59

Here here!!

Gagaandgag · 09/10/2021 20:01

Please don’t put yourself under any pressure! How old is your daughter?

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