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Original poster

My daughter doesn’t have a bedroom-is this bad

369 replies

Thoseshoulderslookace · 08/10/2021 18:54

Dd, 3, sleeps in our room/bed, all her toys are downstairs..everywhere, plus in the garden etc. We have one extra bedroom that’s used as a spare room currently for when people come to stay. We’re getting it ready to be her bedroom, but it’s taking so long because it’s so expensive! Saving back a bit each month to decorate it all fully, buy the bed, shelves, chair, rugs, decorations etc etc.
Is it shit that she doesn’t have her own room yet? Feel so bad about it 🥲

OP posts:
Randomname85 · 09/10/2021 17:45

It really doesn’t matter. It works for you and it’s fine! My daughter got her own room at 2.5. She’s almost 5 now and still gets in our bed at some point in the night. She doesn’t even really spend much time at all in her room! Don’t worry about it.

Fleshmechanic · 09/10/2021 17:58

It's not neglectful or anything but certainly not typical. Most people that have the space have their child's bedroom ready when they're expecting. I'd just use what's in there, get a bed guard, and put her in there if you're happy to. Or just keep sharing. I'm sure she's happy sharing with you. I wouldn't feel bad about it, she's so little still anyway.

Sallywag134 · 09/10/2021 18:00

I started out on my own with a baby, when I got my first home I sorted his room first, as best as I could at the time. I painted the walls in different shades of blue, my mum gave me her old blue dining room carpet and my dad fitted it. I got a cheap basic bed (new but cheap) and some cheap bedding from a bargain shop. I got a colourful light shade and some cheap kids pictures from another bargain shop and put his things in there. It would be another 3 years before I was able to give him the bedroom I wanted him to have.

rb124 · 09/10/2021 18:01

No, not mean at all - if you can't afford it, you can't afford it, end of! Don't beat yourself up, it'll get done.

Laine21 · 09/10/2021 18:02

I don’t understand why she can’t have her own space now, it will be a combined playroom/bedroom, push the bed against a wall but buy bed guards for both sides anyway. She won’t fall down between the bed and the wall if you have bed guards both sides. Or buy a toddler bed and get a sofa bed in there for the odd guest. That way she has her own sofa for her cuddly toys.

It doesn’t have to be a designer bedroom, just her space. Get some nice posters for the walls suitable for her.
If you get an overnight visitor then a quick tidy up and remove the bed guards.

She will love it sleeping in her own playroom.

JBut · 09/10/2021 18:03

Your daughter should have her own bedroom but I understand how costly things can be. Can you upcycle furniture for her? Emulsion rather than wallpaper? Hope all goes well. Take care x

Dnaltocs · 09/10/2021 18:08

If you don’t have the room it’s fine but you do have the room. A bed and her toys are all she needs. Let it be her adventure now she’s a big girl. Most of us parents can’t afford the perfect rooms for our children. Cheap and cheerful but importantly full of love. It’s about loving not a show room. Good luck with the gradual move, you may find it difficult too.

Comedycook · 09/10/2021 18:09

Honestly if I visited someone and they lived in a two bed and there was a spare room and the child who lived there didn't have a bedroom, I'd think the parents were crazy.

Lovemusic33 · 09/10/2021 18:12

My youngest had had room from day one but didn't sleep in it until she was 4 (her choice).

I wouldn't worry about spending a fortune making her room perfect, I have done exactly that for both my dc's and after a few weeks it looked like we had been burgled 🤣, youngest drew on her wall days after I painted and Wall papered, ruined the carpet and took the pictures off the walls. Really...as long as they have a bed clothes storage and some space to play on the floor they are happy, making it look all nice is mainly for our benefit.

Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 18:16

@Comedycook At 3 though?

jamdonut · 09/10/2021 18:18

Reading these posts about bed-guards…. I must have been a terrible mother - I never had bedguards when my three went into their ‘big’ beds!(all are adults now). They certainly never fell out! I’m not saying you shouldn’t have them, but you don’t have to have them! I never had them as a child either, and don’t ever remember falling out!
I never child-proofed the house much, either. The few accidents they had were catching toes under a door, getting a finger stuck in a bike chain and a scar from tripping on a toy and landing eyebrow first onto a computer desk ( not a corner- the straight edge!) - nothing you can plan for particularly!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/10/2021 18:20

What is the room like at the moment? Get a single bed (off Ebay if money tight) and sell existing one. Paint the walls her favourite colour. Get her to do some paintings to put up on the wall or some kids posters. Get kids bedding and curtains from Argos or Ikea. Leave floor as currently. You could do the walls over a weekend.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/10/2021 18:26

@Comedycook

Honestly if I visited someone and they lived in a two bed and there was a spare room and the child who lived there didn't have a bedroom, I'd think the parents were crazy.
I have to agree. She may sleep in her parents room anyway, or at least some of the time, but she should have the choice, surely?
LoisLane66 · 09/10/2021 18:26

No it is NOT, do do t go beating yourself up about it.
Be calm.
Now, have you tried the app called Nextdoor?
Many families, when upgrading their children's bedrooms as they grow into their teens, put items on that local app and many items are pristine and free or a small amount of money.
If Stacey Soliman can deck her new daughter's room out in a budget fashion, so can you.
Your daughter won't know how much it cost and as she gets older you can upgrade parts of the room when you get the money.
The best buy is a bed which will last until she's a teen. All the fancy bits and bobs cost very little. Cushions are cheap but look great on a second hand painted chair. Rugs don't cost the earth either. Paint from Wilco and maybe 1 wall with a wallpaper she likes, y'know, Disney or similar. Shelves from IKEA but I DO urge you to look on Nextdoor or even FB marketplace (although I've never looked there as I'm not on FB)
My area is a bit upmarket so the stuff on NextDoor For Sale is all expensive and quality for small money or none at all.
Spray paint for doing wooden shelves is cheap from Aldi.
Dunelm have cuddly cushions at the moment plus matching bedding and it's all stuff I would buy if mine were that age in fact I'd buy it for me, especially the pale pink cuddly bedding.
See through pink lidded storage boxes for her toys cost about 4 from The Original Factory Shop (aka TOFS) they hold a lot and some can go under her bed. Battery operated fairy lights (100) from Primark (I have them draped over my bedroom mirror) are well under 5 pounds and a pack of 10 AA or AAA batteries are about 1.80.
You're not a bad mum. Times are tough for many of us. You could have it done by Christmas...wouldn't that be a lovely surprise?

LoisLane66 · 09/10/2021 18:29

Corrections. don't and Solomon. 🤭

pantsandpringles · 09/10/2021 18:33

My daughter is 2 years and 7 months, so not far off the age of your daughter.

She has her own room. Decorated, pictures up, night light, her own bed and toys and furniture in.

Guess where she sleeps every single night?
In a toddler bed between the wall and our bed. She refuses to go into her room to sleep.

Our routine in her falling asleep on my bed, then I roll her on to her bed and she sleeps there-right next to mum and dad.

I don't care, I enjoy having her close to me, and she likes it too.

When she's ready to go into her own bed, that's when she'll go, whether it's next month or in 3 years.

Holyjinglebells · 09/10/2021 18:34

You seem to have created a problem where there isn't one 🤷‍♂️

pantsandpringles · 09/10/2021 18:35

What I'm trying to say is, yes you should try and get the room ready for her, but don't feel bad you haven't done it yet.

Idontbelieveit14 · 09/10/2021 18:36

My 4 year old doesn’t have a bedroom, he has a single bed in our bedroom. I feel bad making his 13 year old brother share with him so this seems the least bad solution, I think eventually we will construct some kind of partition or we will sleep downstairs.

Lillipetal · 09/10/2021 18:38

Hi put her in the spare room but remove anything adult related whatever you do. 3 is young but they will remember that cool bedroom, and I remember when I was 5 we moved into a house and my room had my bed, lots of boxes and a desk, I was so little but didn't know back then it was the 'junk' room, it stayed like that for a long time and I got curious as I got older and went through things including the desk and found all sorts of paperwork, which i could read it was mainly old bills and certificates, but I also found an old pipe and even tried to pretend to smoke it, lol a 5 year old!!!! kids are very conscious of things at a early age, and what you think doesn't matter will stick with them forever. I never told my Dad i found the pipe, i should it's kinda funny now ;)

LockdownCheeseToastie · 09/10/2021 18:41

Put her in the double bed? Not getting why this is difficult?

Happyher · 09/10/2021 18:41

If she’s a happy and secure little girl it doesn’t matter.

Comedycook · 09/10/2021 18:48

@jamdonut

Reading these posts about bed-guards…. I must have been a terrible mother - I never had bedguards when my three went into their ‘big’ beds!(all are adults now). They certainly never fell out! I’m not saying you shouldn’t have them, but you don’t have to have them! I never had them as a child either, and don’t ever remember falling out! I never child-proofed the house much, either. The few accidents they had were catching toes under a door, getting a finger stuck in a bike chain and a scar from tripping on a toy and landing eyebrow first onto a computer desk ( not a corner- the straight edge!) - nothing you can plan for particularly!
We didn't have bed guards at first then one night we heard a thud and our daughter has rolled off...she wasn't hurt but I bought bed guards the next day!
Tomitma111 · 09/10/2021 18:51

A three year old will not be looking at the wall paper or how much you paid for the bed. It will get to a point where she will not settle in her own room. Seems strange you can keep it for guests but not for your daughter

Bluskyenonstop · 09/10/2021 18:53

At the moment she is small but growing bigger she will want her own room.
I had no my own room until I was 9 years old and I hated it so much.
We had a spare room, nobody ever was allowed to go there as my Nan kept her duvets there so it was nobody’s zone.
We called it a living room but only if guests came whatcha was never.
Most of time the room was locked so it won’t get messy.
Anytime I went to my friends houses, they all had their own rooms kitted out with poster on the wall, nice shelfs etc.
I slept in my mums bed ( she was divorced) so embarrassing for me.
Finally when I reach 9 years my grandad forced my mum and Nan to unlocked that room and I moved in! I was so happy.
I still remember the time we painted the walls pink and put Jason Donovan posters on. I made it so beautiful in there- really girly.

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