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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Today is a big birthday and my husband forgot

306 replies

Kk789 · 08/10/2021 18:44

Today is a milestone birthday and my husband forgot. He remembered at 6pm and said sorry but we couldn't do anything anyway because of covid.

I feel really sad about it actually because we do usually do birthdays, not so much big presents but we make it a nice day

Feel pretty low :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Kk789 · 08/10/2021 19:37

@ChikiTIKI

P. S. Is he still invited to the meal tomorrow?
I hadn't considered uninviting him. But I probably should!
OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 08/10/2021 19:38

WHAT no just no dont have it. If you genuinely cant do anything tonight tell him your disappointed and you expect him to pull out all the stops this weekend. Breakfast lunch and dinner out tommorow and you will pick a present of your choice that he can pay for whatever the price. Come on he has forgot yes but it's your birthday take back control.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/10/2021 19:41

The present my ex got me for a big birthday confirmed to me that we needed to divorce.

He had a great evening, I was so bored I fell asleep despite being starving because he hadn't planned time for me to eat (he had).

Birthdays can tell you a lot about your relationship.

bigred22 · 08/10/2021 19:42

The OP shouldn't have to now say, "never mind let's go out for tea and some drinks anyway" or any other options of making it up to her, he should be feeling fucking awful and planning how to make it up, not just a shit, sorry but COVID excuse.

Sorry your DP has been this thoughtless OP, happy birthday- I hope you have a lovely evening out (with it without him) with your friends tomorrow, be sure to make him squirm when they ask what he got you!

Pumasonsatsumas · 08/10/2021 19:42

Go online and buy yourself something lovely and exxy with his money, and then book a spa break for yourself ... on his birthday 😜

FlatStanletta · 08/10/2021 19:44

My DH has done similar-ish (admittedly not for a big birthday but a “normal” birthday and Christmas.) Birthdays have always been a big deal in my family and I always talk about it so he definitely knows it’s coming but he gets kind of paralysed by indecision, then has no gift and makes no plans and is so cross he is grumpy and awful to me! It’s fun(!)

The last time I literally lost it. Cried buckets and shouted at him a lot about how it made me feel. I also created a list called “Things MrFlatStanletta needs to do for FlatStanletta’s birthday”. I put it in his diary as a recurring appointment starting 3 weeks before my birthday. I add to the list each year. I realise it’s still a bit shit but I’ve realised he will never get it - he just doesn’t think that way. The list has helped but not perfect - especially because I would actually love to be spoiled with a surprise but I guess it’s a case of beggars and choosers!

So in order for my birthday to be enjoyable I have to take the reins.

Sorry that was a long winded way of saying I get how you are feeling and it’s beyond shit. The fact that it’s your 40th makes it almost unforgivable.

I hope you manage to enjoy your cosy night and crack open the champagne then have a wonderful birthday weekend with friends.

Definitely buy yourself a special gift (or 3).

Cruiser11 · 08/10/2021 19:44

Tell your friends tomorrow that your H forgot your birthday, shame him.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/10/2021 19:45

That's so shit. I have a big birthday next year and I know my DH has booked a number of things to celebrate it already. How can someone who is supposed to love you forget this and let it go by without as much as a card?

YouHaveAHeartOfGold · 08/10/2021 19:45

I never understand how people forget birthdays Confused
Apart from the original chat and planning, have you really not spoken again about it at all this week? Not even,
“Have you booked a taxi for Friday?”
“Really looking forward to eating out Tomorrow, aren’t you?”
“What time shall we leave Tomorrow?” etc etc

Anyway, Happy Birthday OP, I hope he makes it up to you!

GrandmasCat · 08/10/2021 19:46

I had a partner who forgot my birthday and to add insult to injury presented me with money to go and buy my own gift.

He lived to regret it. We had a huge argument and thought I would get exactly what I wanted. The gift I chose for myself is happily barking in her sleep at the foot of my bed. Grin

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 08/10/2021 19:48

Seriously, you shouldn’t put up with this. Don’t buy yourself jewellery, spend the money on a therapist who will help you find out how to value yourself and not put up with this sort of behaviour. Don’t spend the next 40 years not expecting to be treated like the fabulous person you are!!

He might not be part of those next 40 years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

MasterBeth · 08/10/2021 19:49

I am not an extreme Mumsnet birthday girl who demands the day off work, diamonds and pearls, but I would fucking kick off if my 30th, 40th or 50th birthday was forgotten. WTF?

Who are these mindless bastards who never buy their wife a present. Jesus, you deserve better than that, people. How is this possible? A husband who doesn’t buy their wife a birthday present is a shit.

Anonymice1 · 08/10/2021 19:50

If he knew he was going to your birthday dinner tomorrow, how can he possibly have forgotten your actual birthday?! I would NOT want him there tomorrow. And he should have planned your birthday present a long time ago as well, did he plan on just popping out to the corner shop on the day? Or did he think that tomorrow’s dinner would be enough, wouldn’t surprise me if he did.

Mulhollandmagoo · 08/10/2021 19:51

I hadn't considered uninviting him. But I probably should!

Yes, you should!!!!! Go out and just enjoy being with your friends without him! Order yourself a takeaway and have a drink and a film ❤️

Wishing you a very happy birthday Wine

TatianaBis · 08/10/2021 19:52

He remembered at 6pm? Why couldn’t he go and get you flowers and order a takeaway online?

I mean at this point petrol station flowers and a Twix would have been better than nowt.

Katy4321 · 08/10/2021 19:52

So sorry you've had a rubbish birthday so far, but hopefully you'll have much better birthday weekend.

A few years ago a had pneumonia, and then got an allergic reaction to new antibiotics on my birthday. Felt very sorry for myself, but motivated me to make some changes in my life and do something really positive, so I booked an amazing adventure holiday. But maybe just start out with your favourite takeout or treat yourself to a nice cocktail/bubbles at the dinner with your friends tomorrow.

Energy4You · 08/10/2021 19:53

@Kk789

My birthday has been mentioned a few times because it's a big one. I know it sounds silly and it's just a birthday
It’s nit silly because you usually celebrate birthdays, you had talked about it and he (should) know it’s important to you. Even I it’s ‘just’ a coffee in bed and a card.

It’s nit silly because he has been thoughtless and that always hurts.

Eddielzzard · 08/10/2021 19:55

Happy birthday Flowers

Since he's so worried about covid he'd better not join you tomorrow.

Mary46 · 08/10/2021 19:55

So lousy op. Wishing you a lovely birthday. Make no fuss of his next one!!!!

Davros · 08/10/2021 19:58

Thoughtless twat. Happy birthday ThanksCakeWine

ejhhhhh · 08/10/2021 20:01

How crap of him to come out with a very rubbish excuse rather than begging forgiveness and hastily making up for it. Is that it then? Is your birthday cancelled, after all you can't do anything "because of Covid" (yeah right). I'd be kicking off and asking how he's going to make it up to you. It needs to be even better than what he would have done, considering he forgot, surely?

fantasmasgoria1 · 08/10/2021 20:05

He is very thoughtless. And covid is no excuse as everywhere is open! I would tell him how pissed off and disappointed I am and I seriously would do nothing for him for quite some time.

RosieGuacamosie · 08/10/2021 20:07

I’m sorry Flowers and happy birthday!

BUT I don’t understand how this has arisen? Surely you’ve talked about it in the weeks leading up?

My DP is not “into” birthdays but I made it abundantly clear I am, and that it’s important to me. Luckily it was his birthday first so I could pull out presents, cake, balloons and a day out. I think he was actually quite shocked as usually he’d let his birthday pass with nothing.

Even so, I warned him in advance that I did “do” birthdays and luckily he took it on board. In the weeks leading up I was talking about my birthday, what my mum might get me etc etc, what type of restaurants I liked. He did get the hint and I was spoilt on my birthday.

I suppose what I’m saying is have you made it clear it’s important to you? Or are you just expecting him to know and come up with the goods? (Admittedly it’s shit he hasn’t off his own back)

Neonplant · 08/10/2021 20:08

I'm really sorry he forgot a special birthday. But I really do struggle to understand these posts. Surely you talk about it and make plans beforehand?

Or were you just waiting for him bring it up to see if he remembered? Not that this makes him forgetting ok. But there is something which seems dysfunctional about the dynamic.

toocold54 · 08/10/2021 20:08

YANBU!!!
The least he could have done is told a white lie and say it’s in the post and that he wanted you to pick a present or something - the fact he didn’t try and lie sounds even more hurtful.

Happy birthday OP!!
At least you won’t have to do anything for his birthday now Grin