Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Today is a big birthday and my husband forgot

306 replies

Kk789 · 08/10/2021 18:44

Today is a milestone birthday and my husband forgot. He remembered at 6pm and said sorry but we couldn't do anything anyway because of covid.

I feel really sad about it actually because we do usually do birthdays, not so much big presents but we make it a nice day

Feel pretty low :(

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 09/10/2021 00:20

This makes for really upsetting reading Sad

Happy (now belated) birthday op Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 09/10/2021 00:20
Flowers
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/10/2021 00:34

@stitchy

Happy Birthday! I'm so sorry that your husband has let you down. Last Christmas I realised once I'd put all of the presents out on Christmas Eve that there wasn't a single gift for me, nothing not even a selection box. With the last minute restrictions all of our plans changed and it was just us and our 2 sons at home, we were due to spend it at my parents with my brother and sister too, our Dad has dementia and I'm not sure how many Christmases are left where he'll know who we all are so I was already sad about all that. Realising my husband hadn't thought about me and got me anything felt like cruelty and has affected my relationship with him ever since if I'm honest.
That would be me gone. So sad
StarCourt · 09/10/2021 01:28

I hope to god he at least tried to redeem himself on your night out

starrynight21 · 09/10/2021 01:37

Ever since my ex forgot my 30th birthday , I've always looked after myself on my birthdays. I make the plans, I book the restaurant or the theatre etc. I buy the cake . My current DH would never forget, but I still like to do everything myself, to me it's self care and a guarantee that I'll always have a good day. Relying on others doesn't always work out.

Happy birthday, OP !

AmberLynn1536 · 09/10/2021 01:52

@whatisheupto

Bullshit he forgot OP. He just doesn't really give a shit. Do yourself a favour and make it your best birthday ever by leaving the twat. If he had genuinely forgotten he would have scrambled a bit more to try and do something... eg whizzing to get wine and chocs or takeaway.

I think you know this too. I'm sorry OP but you don't need to put up with it any more. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Happy Birthday.

I was about to post something similar, he didn’t forget, he just couldn’t be arsed, if he had genuinely forgotten he would have been utterly mortified and would be scrambling to the shops to get a card and some champagne and chocolates at the very least, sorry but the truth is he doesn’t give a shit, I’m so sorry, you deserve so much better.
Thursa · 09/10/2021 02:18

Maybe he’s planned a grand gesture for tomorrow, in front of your friends?

girlmom21 · 09/10/2021 03:06

@Thursa

Maybe he’s planned a grand gesture for tomorrow, in front of your friends?
That doesn't excuse the fact she didn't even get a card.
plesiosaurus · 09/10/2021 03:45

It's not silly to be upset at all. I was devastated one year when I didn't get a present from DH and my DC obviously forgot, and then said my present was delayed in the post. Said present when it arrived was £1.50 sliders from Wish, which were too small. No card. I've always made a big thing of their birthdays, cake, decorations, and I'm on the lookout all the time for things that I think would be nice presents.

I told them in no uncertain terms how hurt and upset I was by their thoughtlessness, and I think you should do the same. It just festers otherwise.

Thursa · 09/10/2021 04:26

No, it doesn’t forgive anything. He’s a shit for pretending to forget and then looking like a hero the next day. If that’s what’s happening.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 09/10/2021 05:38

That's highly pathetic of him, by anyone's standards.
Just hugely thoughtless and careless.
Is he always such a twat?

I wouldn't lift a finger for his birthday.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 09/10/2021 05:44

@rainbowmash

If you wanted a fuss, you should have communicated your expectations. You sound like a bit of a martyr. Whether you know it or not, you set yourself up to wallow in disappointment. Your feelings may be real and valid, but you might benefit from a closer look at where they come from.
rainbowmash You sound horrid. Trying to make yourself look like a worthy but comment that was uncalled for.
Marvellousmadness · 09/10/2021 05:54

I would have messaged my husband in the morning saying happy birthday to meeeeee.
Hint hint.
He would have had time to then quickly sort things out. It is always better to take the reins then to just sit and wait.

Sure it would have been still shitty that he'd forgotten
But then at least he could have done something for you

Ps every birthday is a milestone one , really :) happy birthday op. Your husband is a Dick. Not for forgetting it (haven't we all done something shitty at some point ??) But his response to it. that was the real issue.

You can always pay him back at Christmas time or any of his birthdays btw ;)

zen1 · 09/10/2021 07:25

Even if he did ‘forget’, which I’m not convinced about given that you had spoken about it beforehand, his response when he realised would seriously make me re-evaluate my relationship with him. There are plenty of shops / supermarkets open after 6pm and at the very, very least he could have gone out to get you a card and token gift. Even if you live in the back of beyond, he could have gone online and chosen something nice. That’s what anyone who cared would have done.

I hope you have a good day with your friends today OP and don’t cover up the fact that he did absolutely nothing for you on your special day.

Lightisnotwhite · 09/10/2021 07:32

rainbowmash
I’m not joining in with “you’re horrid” comments because I think you’re wrong rather than nasty.
The point of the thread was AIBU to expect my husband to remember my 40th. Are you honestly saying that it’s ok ( or even normal) he did? Surely the clue is in the name,“significant” birthday?
And a card is not “a fuss” by any stretch of the imagination.

Have a great evening and enjoy telling everyone how he got you nothing.

CallmeHendricks · 09/10/2021 07:53

I hope he wasn't expecting to benefit from a birthday shag.

Sandyseagul · 09/10/2021 07:54

Happy Birthday OPCake! Treat yourself to a little something if you can, you deserve it. I hope you can enjoy your night with friends tonight.

You are not a martyr at all, you shouldn’t have to tell/ask/remind your husband to celebrate your birthday. I’d be devastated if this was me, so no idea why some people have been so mean, but you’re feelings are totally valid.

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/10/2021 08:29

My DH did this once, he was supposed to take DS to a shop at some point to get a card and he hadn't, so no card from son or husband. I was so sad when I got up as there was a couple of cards from our mothers (which arrived early, naturally) and that was it. I did get others during the day so when DH got home he saw them and was horrified that he had forgotten. He booked a meal out with Concorde (Something I had said months before I wanted to do sometime) so he did redeem himself and he was genuinely regretful and apologetic. I think this is the thing that makes the difference, not that the person has made a mistake, but how they respond to their mistake.

OP's husband is just so much worse because he is full of excuses and no remorse. It does come across that he just couldn't be bothered unfortunately, rather than totally forgot. The fact that he's not trying to recompense OP after realising his mistake is shameful!

I hope you have a nice meal out with your friends OP Cake Wine Flowers

harriethoyle · 09/10/2021 09:03

@Kk789

Do people really think I should have told my husband I wanted a card on my 40th birthday?
No. Absolutely not. Anyone suggesting this is just being perverse for the sake of it and rapidly sliding towards cool wife territory 🙄
twoandeights · 09/10/2021 09:14

Tell him he’s not invited for the meal tonight. Why should he get to enjoy your birthday. I don’t know but this smacks of total lack of caring and love. I’m not into birthdays normally but milestones should be celebrated in my opinion

AngelinaFibres · 09/10/2021 09:36

Not to go all mumsnet LTB , but I presume this was your 40th too. Maybe you should take this as a moment to list all the good points and not so good points about your lives together ; just for yourself initially but maybe to share with him in a future calm conversation. Forty is no age these days and it would be an awful shame if your 50th rolled around and the same thing happened and you looked back on ten more years of living with a thoughtless man. I am not suggesting you throw your life up in the air and cast aside your marriage but maybe some big changes need to be made within it. Time is precious and it's not necessary to waste it with a man who can't be bothered.

CounsellorTroi · 09/10/2021 09:46

It’s very strange that he knew he was going out with OP’s friends to celebrate tonight, yet didn’t even buy her a card. Has he no shame, didn’t he think the friends would want to know whether his wife had had a nice day?

OP, 🍷💐🍰🎂🥤🍾 for you.

CounsellorTroi · 09/10/2021 09:47

Sorry don’t know where that 🥤came from.

AngelinaFibres · 09/10/2021 09:51

Op can you 'prime 'one of your friends for tonight's meal to say "Ooo so ,tell all, what did he get you for your birthday. Did you have a lovely meal. I expect you had a lovely evening as it was your Xth birthday". Wait until everyone is sitting there and watch him squirm a little. Childish I know but hey ho.

EKGEMS · 09/10/2021 14:43

Oh @rainbowmash That has to be one of the cruelest comments I've seen on here in a long time-maybe go shopping for the empathy you are missing

Swipe left for the next trending thread