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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
Aprilx · 08/10/2021 10:30

Yes YABU. They presumably misjudged the journey time and thought they would see if they could get an early start but don’t want to knock and actually ask you if they can start early. If it were me, and I was ready for them, I would go out and ask if they want to start.

RedHelenB · 08/10/2021 10:30

Yabu. It's not like they're expecting you to host them for that time. Plus how do you know they have partners and children? You're being a bit weird about this, but given your PTSD I understand that but it really isn't a normal response.

seaandsandcastles · 08/10/2021 10:30

YABU. I’m sorry you have bad past experience but it is not an issue for workmen to park outside a house for the majority of the population.

They’re early, what do you expect them to do? You should be grateful they didn’t knock and ask if they could start early!

Original poster
HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:31

They know they journey time. This is day 3

And they told they had partners

OP posts:
JapanJetplane · 08/10/2021 10:31

I think it’s very understandable for you to feel anxious because of your precious experiences. I don’t think they have done anything wrong though - they have probably just misjudged the journey or something.

Original poster
HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:32

15 mins, even half an hour maybe but over an hour?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 08/10/2021 10:32

I'm sorry but I honestly can't see a problem with this. There could be many reasons why they were early and I would much rather that than late.

I too would go out and see if they wanted to crack on

JapanJetplane · 08/10/2021 10:33

Do you feel threatened by them? Have they behaved inappropriately towards you? If so you can make a complaint to their employer or to occ health.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 08/10/2021 10:33

I'm sorry for your past experiences but this is totally normal. I've had workmen outside for ages either before or after a job, they have either come from far away and misjudged traffic or they have paperwork to do and sit and do it in the van.

residentkaleidoscope · 08/10/2021 10:33

I can't see a problem with it either. They are doing nothing wrong parking up outside.

Arabelladrinkstea · 08/10/2021 10:34

I too used to have PTSD so understand your reaction - but it’s distorted by your wounding, sorry Flowers
Hope the last day goes ok ;)

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 10:35

I hate it when people manipulate the 'YABU'/'YANBU' like that.

I voted YABU because there could've been many reasons why they're an hour early, none of which are any of your business I'm afraid.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 08/10/2021 10:35

@HerrenaHarridan

They know they journey time. This is day 3

And they told they had partners

Well as it's a 3 day job today is the last day anyway so no need to harp on it
TheAverageUser · 08/10/2021 10:35

YABU workmen start very early and they're used to it. They're probably sitting there eating breakfast or doing paperwork.

Original poster
HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:36

Other than this they have been very considerate to be fair. If anything I had been considering calling their employer to commend them.

Friendly without being inappropriate and tidied away after themselves each evening.

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

OP posts:
Original poster
HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:36

MolyHoly- no need to be so rude

OP posts:
Coop80 · 08/10/2021 10:37

Perhaps they drove down and had breakfast together before starting?

Dizzy1234 · 08/10/2021 10:37

It's Friday, maybe they were hoping for an early start so they can get a flyer this afternoon, start of the weekend and all that.
I feel for you but you are being a little UR.
If they've spent 2 days at yours, you know they are not a threat, I'd have gone out and asked if they wanted to start early and flicked the kettle on for a brew

seaandsandcastles · 08/10/2021 10:39

I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

This is something you need to deal with and address. You can’t expect the world to behave as though they know about your past.

They are acting perfectly normally and appropriately.

Bancha · 08/10/2021 10:39

I can see why you find this threatening, given what you’ve alluded to in your post. However, I think you need to acknowledge that you feeling threatened isn’t the same as them threatening you, if the situation is just as you’ve described and there isn’t more to it. There is probably a perfectly good reason for them doing this - for example needing to do something first and not having enough time to go anywhere between that and starting the job. I honestly wouldn’t think anymore into this unless they’ve done anything else to make you feel uncomfortable?? Just one last day of them being in your house and then it’s done!

TheKeatingFive · 08/10/2021 10:39

YABU, there's nothing wrong with this

NotAnotherPushyMum · 08/10/2021 10:39

Sometimes when I have to drive somewhere and be there between 8 and 9 I have a choice of being there very early or risking being late because of the traffic. Maybe it’s something like that?

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 10:40

@HerrenaHarridan

Other than this they have been very considerate to be fair. If anything I had been considering calling their employer to commend them.

Friendly without being inappropriate and tidied away after themselves each evening.

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

You still should call their employer to commend them.

They could've been dropping dropping someone else to work/heard about potential traffic problems/dropping a family member to pick up a coach or train, or literally 100 other reasons.

HPmagic · 08/10/2021 10:41

Op ask them. Say you noticed they were there super early and just wondering why. Perhaps an explanation can reassure you. I think perhaps breakfast or finalising things

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 08/10/2021 10:43

I’m really sorry you’ve had a negative experience. Flowers

But it wouldn’t even occur to me to be bothered by this.