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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/10/2021 11:39

YABU, but understandably so.

Have you had counselling/therapy to work through the past?

SpiderPlant101010 · 08/10/2021 11:39

Maybe they left early this morning because they needed petrol and factored in time to actually find some but they found some straight away and therefore were well early getting to you. There could be any number of reasons why they were early. Just be thankful that they haven't been late every day.

DysmalRadius · 08/10/2021 11:40

YANBU - I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, but it's completely understandable that this made you feel uneasy and I'm so sorry that you have had such a woeful lack of sympathy on this thread. Your fears are not irrational - you have been the victim of a series of serious and life-changing crimes, so there's no need to feel as though you are 'over-reacting' because you are more cautious than most. Once you have seen the dark side of someone that you loved, it is hard to trust anyone again, let alone strangers. I'm glad your mum understands and I hope you have more support in real life than you got here.

gamerchick · 08/10/2021 11:40

@Sunshinealligator

It could be as unoccupied as their employer having a tracker on the van and only paying them a full day's wage if they're at location by 7 am and until a certain time 3pm etc.

I know a few contractors who have been known to sit in their vans for quite a long time before and after work to avoid their wages being docked, despite fulfilling their days amount of work or not having access to buildings.

For example, one building wouldn't let them in until 8am, but they're paid to start at 7 and had to be there before 7 to get paid...they did this for a few weeks on my job, but it was quite regular for them

I thought the same. So e employers like to turn the screws like this.

They haven't done anything wrong OP. Stop looking out the window while they're coming.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/10/2021 11:40

Yes YABU but I think that’s perfectly understandable given your personal circumstances.

BlueberrySugar · 08/10/2021 11:40

I doubt very much they were watching you as you stated.

Most company vans have trackers. They could of got breakfast, needed fuel etc.

Derbee · 08/10/2021 11:41

I think a good dose of therapy wouldn’t go amiss.

FangsForTheMemory · 08/10/2021 11:44

I'm with @Dizzy1234, I think they were hoping to start early, not break for lunch and be in the pub by 2pm.

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 11:44

You are being ridiculous, op. Telling a poster their empathy appears to be malfunctioning... Honestly 🙄

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 11:44

@DysmalRadius

YANBU - I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, but it's completely understandable that this made you feel uneasy and I'm so sorry that you have had such a woeful lack of sympathy on this thread. Your fears are not irrational - you have been the victim of a series of serious and life-changing crimes, so there's no need to feel as though you are 'over-reacting' because you are more cautious than most. Once you have seen the dark side of someone that you loved, it is hard to trust anyone again, let alone strangers. I'm glad your mum understands and I hope you have more support in real life than you got here.
Your fears are not irrational - you have been the victim of a series of serious and life-changing crimes, so there's no need to feel as though you are 'over-reacting' because you are more cautious than most.

That's exactly why her fears in this case are irrational and I think it's irresponsible of you to tell the OP otherwise.

Giving support is about far more than just telling someone 'YANBU', because you understand how they might feel.

Mulhollandmagoo · 08/10/2021 11:45

daft question, but you're not anywhere near the M25 are you? is it likely they expected some delays due to protests so set off early?

The wouldn't have been watching your house, probably eating buttys, drinking coffee and claiming the hours back from their employer - but I do completely understand why this would make you anxious given past experiences

PowerNap · 08/10/2021 11:47

YABU and I HATE the way you have tried to manipulate the voting to make anyone who disagrees with you sound like a cunt.

Dutch1e · 08/10/2021 11:48

You're not being unreasonable at all to feel this way, that kind of trigger is awful. However it is unreasonable to think that these particular people are being creepy. I've been too early many times to some jobs in order to enjoy breakfast and get my admin in order for the day. If I ate at home I'd be late (I'm a woman if that makes any difference).

I really really feel for you though Flowers

Franklyfrost · 08/10/2021 11:49

The builders working at my house do exactly this. I have no idea why but doesn’t bother me. My partner also does this, so he can get some quiet time away from the school run prep. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. Can you go out today or have someone round? Anything else that might make it a bit easier on you for this last day?

Mallysmomma · 08/10/2021 11:49

Aww please try not to fret. I actually used to do this in a previous job as the journey took me 45 minutes if I left an hour earlier than needed and could sometimes take over an hour and a half if I left later. Maybe they would rather be early and relax for a bit before work rather than stress about being late. If this is the only concern you have about them I honestly would assume it’s purely for convenience sake rather than anything sinister. So sorry you’ve been through something so traumatic and it’s triggering some anxiety. Sending hugs. Xx

ILoveJamaica · 08/10/2021 11:49

I'm sure if they meant you harm, they would have done so by now. Definitely get some therapy.

saleorbouy · 08/10/2021 11:52

Probably arrived early to skip the traffic, I've had contractors turn up early otherwise the journey in 3hrs rather than 2hrs.
Just ask them in and let them crack on, then they can leave early.
I think your past experiences are clouding your better judgement of these guys.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 08/10/2021 11:52

@seaandsandcastles

I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

This is something you need to deal with and address. You can’t expect the world to behave as though they know about your past.

They are acting perfectly normally and appropriately.

Exactly this. It is a very normal thing to have people in the house working. We have a man upstairs at the moment fixing a panel in the bathroom. We were told he'd be here at 11, he arrived about 10.30 and sat in his van for 30 minutes, probably having a break or a cup of tea.

The workmen you describe have done NOTHING wrong. You say they have been friendly and professional. You need to deal with your issues as trying to paint this as these two having done something wrong, or that they are in some way creepy, odd, or predators is very, very unfair.

Notcontent · 08/10/2021 11:53

This is quite common with builders! I don’t know why - I think they often do enjoy those moments of quiet to have breakfast and a chat with their mates before starting work…

qazxc · 08/10/2021 11:54

I say this with kindness but YABU.
I understand why this would make you uncomfortable and is triggering but they aren't actually doing anything wrong.
There are 100 "innocent" reasons why they would be arrive early and wait in the van until start time.

steff13 · 08/10/2021 11:55

YABU and illogical, but I guess I understand why.

Pinkandpink · 08/10/2021 11:56

We were getting broadband fitted last week and after the guy finished he sat outside my house for an hour. I had to go and ask him if he was finished as I was heading out just in case he wasn’t finished and needed to adjust something inside. He says he was just early for his next job and doing paperwork. No probs. I don’t see the problem.

KnobJockey · 08/10/2021 11:58

My partner has a van with a tracker for his job, his day starts when the van is turned on. If he does paperwork at home before/ after work, it doesn't get recognised. If he drives to his job and sits outside to do it, it's part of his paid day.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/10/2021 12:03

I think it'd bloody weird and if anyone else on this had work men sitting in a van out site their house for over and hour in the morning they would find it bloody weird too. No one starts work in someone's house before 8 in the morning, or outside to be honest do surely they would just go and park up somewhere else Confused. Not that I think its anything to worry about OP, but it's just weird of them.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 08/10/2021 12:03

They've probably stopped off at a bakers/mcdonalds on the way and are sitting having breakfast in the van before starting. What a drama.