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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 12:58

@HarebrightCedarmoon

I think it's weird to turn up an hour early, YANBU.
Even after reading all the reasons on this thread?
SylvanasWindrunner · 08/10/2021 13:00

Our workmen often would arrive quite early, before 8, and sit in their van having a coffee and a bacon roll before starting. The first time I went out and asked if they needed anything and they said no they were fine, so I just left them to it!

Autumndays123 · 08/10/2021 13:07

I'm sorry for your past experiences OP but I would seriously recommend some quite intensive psychological help as soon as possible. Are your children witnessing your behaviour?

sadie9 · 08/10/2021 13:08

They are probably claiming for a 6.30am or 7am start, but only starting at 8am in your house?

Embroidery · 08/10/2021 13:10

Builders start too early. God knows why!

neededafart · 08/10/2021 13:12

I voted YABU, quite simple because you are being unreasonable - not because of how you have manipulated the voting

why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

That is utterly ridiculous

Pudmyboy · 08/10/2021 13:12

@HerrenaHarridan I have just read a few pages of this thread but to me it seems you need support for your mental health: are you able to discuss this with your GP? I wish you well. And that the building work goes well too.

SylvanasWindrunner · 08/10/2021 13:13

Yes, they do start freakishly early! Our head builder guy would often arrive at 7 – it was a long project so I just gave him a key to the back door and he would let himself in, and I would hear him come in at 7 on the dot, although he didn't do any noisy work till later. And the rest of them would always be there by 8 if it was a day they were due.

1forAll74 · 08/10/2021 13:38

What a strange attitude to have, when you are having jobs done in your home. You can sometimes have slight problems when having work done, as in times of arriving, or not even turning up etc, but this is not really a big problem that you have.Getting the job done well,is the most important.

Nottheduchess · 08/10/2021 13:39

I don’t think you are taking any of what’s been said on board OP. You wanted people to agree with you (just like your mum probably did) that it was weird when what they did is perfectly normal.
Your history has skewed your judgement and I think you need to seek some sort of counselling for it. These men have behaved impeccably towards you, actually inside your house. What on Earth reason would they have to watch it from the outside? It’s Friday, it’s POETS day, they were hoping for an early start so they can knock off early. Please take it on board that it’s not them, it’s your issue.

RosiePosieDozy · 08/10/2021 13:40

It's definitely not ideal. They may have been anticipating bad traffic that's why they arrived early or hoping that you would invite them in to start earlier if they were there.

They shouldn't have done this though. They shouldn't have left so early or should have gone and waited in a cafe or something.

I wouldn't worry about it now. Probably perfectly innocent but an error of judgement.

ittakes2 · 08/10/2021 13:41

Some people get to places early because they prefer this to being stuck in traffic. They might have missed the traffic and are enjoying their breakfast and tea etc.

alreadytaken · 08/10/2021 13:42

Lots of reasons why one day they might be early - starting with they thought they might have trouble finding fuel but didnt. Or there was a traffic problem en route so they left early but by the time they got there traffic had cleared. Or they had to give someone a lift en route and that mean leaving early so they had breakfast in the van. Or they needed to do something else en route (pick up materials, say) and that took less time than expected or had to be done at a specific time. Or they hoped you'd let them start and finish early.

Most likely they dropped someone else off.

thisplaceisweird · 08/10/2021 13:43

They are probably waiting for all your lights to be on so they can knock the door and start earlier, so they can ensure they finish. On paper it doesn't sound strange OP. I wouldn't be worried.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 13:44

@RosiePosieDozy

It's definitely not ideal. They may have been anticipating bad traffic that's why they arrived early or hoping that you would invite them in to start earlier if they were there.

They shouldn't have done this though. They shouldn't have left so early or should have gone and waited in a cafe or something.

I wouldn't worry about it now. Probably perfectly innocent but an error of judgement.

They shouldn't have done this though. They shouldn't have left so early or should have gone and waited in a cafe or something.

WTF?

Why? Confused

BoredZelda · 08/10/2021 13:54

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

They have been in your house for 2 days and have given you absolutely no cause for concern, but they park outside for an hour and that makes them a risk to you?

If they are creepy stalkers, they aren’t very good at it.

There can be any number of reasons they were early today, nine of which are because they want to spy on you from the outside when they will be spending all day in your home.

TheKeatingFive · 08/10/2021 14:07

Why would it be an error of judgement to park outside someone's house? Confused

Runningupthecurtains · 08/10/2021 14:11

@TheKeatingFive

Why would it be an error of judgement to park outside someone's house? Confused
Surely it's actually more sensible to park outside of your customers home than to park outside someone else home? The OP is expecting the work men, Joan from number 63 isn't and therefore could be seen as having a better reason to be alarmed them sitting outside her house.
slashlover · 08/10/2021 14:17

I had a postman walk right through my flat into my bedroom once whilst I was still asleep. His response that he was looking for the workwoman (who was in the upstairs flat) as he knows her. It was a rural hamlet and everyone obviously knows eachother, but it freaked me out.

That has zero to do with this where OP knows the builders are coming and expects them in her house.

ArianaDumbledore · 08/10/2021 14:23

DH is a trades sometimes it's necessary to get the parts delivered directly to the customer's house. Trade shops often have a really early start time for deliveries. So it could be something like that, and just making sure they caught the delivery so you weren't left dealing with it.

waybill · 08/10/2021 14:26

@ArianaDumbledore

DH is a trades sometimes it's necessary to get the parts delivered directly to the customer's house. Trade shops often have a really early start time for deliveries. So it could be something like that, and just making sure they caught the delivery so you weren't left dealing with it.
Good point. Our bathroom fitters were caught on the hop last week when some goods arrived here before they did. DH had to help the driver instead, although luckily they turned up a few minutes later.
JizzyJane · 08/10/2021 14:30

I'd be more worried if they turned up again the same time tomorrow TBH

apalledandshocked · 08/10/2021 14:31

@HerrenaHarridan

I should know I can trust them after 2 days?

I was with my ex for 6 years before he tried to kill me and our infant and then proceeded to watch our house for months with the police saying they couldn’t do anything unless he ‘actually did something’ so please tell me all about how I should trust because I clearly have no clue!

It’s true their works van is likely to have trackers for cheaper insurance and employee monitoring.
This has made me feel much better because it feels different if they felt like they had to be here as opposed to choosing to sit outside watching my house

One more day of this and it will be over

One time at the doctors, the (lovely) female doctor did something that triggered a ridiculous reaction in me. Like crying and shaking. There was no way she could have known that it would have that effect. To be honest - I had no idea I would react like that either so I hadn't given any warning. It was embarrassing and odd. I don't think I was at fault for that reaction. Likewise the Dr wasn't at fault either - I know Drs can behave inappropriately but she genuinely wasn't. PTSD is really bad because it messes with our natural instincts and intuition - we cant afford to ignore that intuition because very often it is justifies but I think PTSD puts a load of false messages in with the genuine ones and it makes us second guess ourselves. So, I don't think the workmen were unreasonable, I don't think you were either to find it creepy or to ask for opinions on mumsnet. I think the people criticising without understanding you are being unreasonable but what can you do.
ChristmasFluff · 08/10/2021 15:25

There are times when someone bangs on about how 'sensitive' and 'empathic' they are, and you cannot help but notice they are only that way to themselves.

OP, where is your empathy for the people doing that job?

You might find things run more smoothly in future of you speak to people

And choose wisely who you let in your house.

I mean, you can choose now - focus on all the shite - all that you cannot change. Or focus on what you can change. YOU

blog.melanietoniaevans.com/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse-coming-home-to-our-bodies/.

MarriedNotAtFirstSight · 08/10/2021 16:14

You're looking for validation that it's normal to feel like you do - that's normal for anxiety. But...it really isn't normal and YABVU. You're not listening to anyone who says otherwise - which is the vast, vast majority.

It is understandable that you feel the way you do after your history, but you must recognise this is your issue and abnormal reaction to something pretty insignificant. The poor guys have literally not done anything wrong.

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