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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 12:05

surely they would just go and park up somewhere else
Why? Why in the name of God would they "go and park somewhere else"? Hmm

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 12:09

@Thatsplentyjack

I think it'd bloody weird and if anyone else on this had work men sitting in a van out site their house for over and hour in the morning they would find it bloody weird too. No one starts work in someone's house before 8 in the morning, or outside to be honest do surely they would just go and park up somewhere else Confused. Not that I think its anything to worry about OP, but it's just weird of them.
Park up round the corner you mean and sit outside someone else's house for an hour? Confused

Can you imagine what that would do to someone with anxiety like the OP?

If you've so much as sniffed this thread you'll see tonnes of reasons why it's not 'weird'.

But parking outside someone else's house and possibly missing the parking space outside the house they're actually working in, really would be weird.

TatianaBis · 08/10/2021 12:10

You're BTU but I wonder if you have PTSD.

Imatwinmum · 08/10/2021 12:14

I do think it’s normal for women to not like workmen in the house. I know I don’t and have friends that don’t like it!

Being harassed by them as a teen definitely didn’t help. It’s one of the many things that we have to deal with, DH didn’t think twice about having people in to do the bathrooms etc. I wish there were more women in these jobs to be honest! I’d hire them in a flash.

I don’t think it’s creepy though, as they probably just showed up early. I would go out and say hi, maybe offer a cup of tea and see if they wanted to start early (if I was ready).

Totally understand why you are unhappy with it though.

Drinkingallthewine · 08/10/2021 12:18

I understand you'd be wary given your previous trauma. However, I've had a few workmen who sat outside for an hour or so after doing the work for me - just doing paperwork, taking client calls, that sort of thing.

For me there's about 4 different reasons why they'd be outside your house that early -
Tracker clocks their hourly timesheet so they need to be in the van at 7am regardless of when they start.
Leaving early to get petrol and not having to queue for it in the end.
Leaving early to avoid traffic and have a quicker commute.
Or maybe it's a Friday thing - they stop off and get pastries and coffee, but try to start asap so they can knock off early.
Team meeting?

If you do want to find out just ask them during the day - just say 'gosh, you were very early this morning, was traffic lighter than usual?' and they'll probably tell you what caused them to land at that time.

ChocoAvo · 08/10/2021 12:20

When dh worked as a plumber he'd often be sat outside early especially on a Friday Have breakfast, start bang on time, get home early. It is highly likely they're browsing their phones, eating breakfast, maybe doing some paperwork it its needed. This isn't that out of the norm and if they did have alterior motives they've had access inside your house, it's unlikely this would be needed really.
With what's happened in your pastFlowers I understand why you were scared by this, but this is realistically a completely innocent situation.

godmum56 · 08/10/2021 12:21

yes I would have wandered out and said hi, are you ok? would you like coffee.....chat chat chat.

wombatspoopcubes · 08/10/2021 12:26

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

But, but, but, they were actually leaving you alone in the morning and not coming in earlier. If they would have wanted to do something to you they had all the opportunity, but didn't take it. Doesn't that make them trustworthy?

I think that your trauma is putting you on alert while nothing is wrong, really.

SpeckledlyHen · 08/10/2021 12:28

I had workmen at my house everyday for 5 months. Their "official" start time was 7.30am but more often than not a few vans would turn up early and they would wait outside, scrolling through phones, eating brekkie, that type of thing. I always said to them they were welcome to come in and start but as their start time was 7.30am they never did. I should imagine there could be a whole host of reasons for being early - i would guess it is mainly to avoid traffic which undoubtedly gets worse the later the morning goes on (school runs etc).

I know my husband who has to be at work at 9.00am actually gets in at 7.30am because it is much easier to negotiate the traffic at 6.30am rather than 8.00am.

I am sorry if you have traumatised in the past but this really is an over the top reaction and they are doing nothing wrong whatsoever IMHO.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2021 12:29

Op have you considered getting help? I’m sure logically you know the men didn’t come an hour early so they could try to kill you. There will be a logical reason for them arriving early, from picking up stuff before arriving on to they wanted breakfast.

I think you need to focus more on your mental health and recovery from past experiences.

grapewine · 08/10/2021 12:31

@HerrenaHarridan

Other than this they have been very considerate to be fair. If anything I had been considering calling their employer to commend them.

Friendly without being inappropriate and tidied away after themselves each evening.

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

I just don't understand this. If they've been considerate and not inappropriate, then why are you scared?

Overreaction and probably something you should get help to address.

Smashingspinster · 08/10/2021 12:34

I am sorry you have had the experience you had and are feeling unsafe, but I really do feel you are reacting unreasonably. You have no idea what they are doing - some workmen use their vans as an office so they may be doing admin etc. And perhaps they dont know where else to park. Please do not let this put you off your commendation of them if they have been respectful and good - they dont know your history and have no way of knowing what will trigger you.

KeepPortlandWeird · 08/10/2021 12:37

They could have parked up outside McDonalds for 1.5 hours though.

Perhaps they needed to secure a parking spot near your house (if you live on a crowded road).

Either way you don’t need to worry about feeling unreasonable. I had a postman walk right through my flat into my bedroom once whilst I was still asleep. His response that he was looking for the workwoman (who was in the upstairs flat) as he knows her. It was a rural hamlet and everyone obviously knows eachother, but it freaked me out.

I now despise contractors coming into my house, still renting after all these years. Still have the landlord doing an inspection after 5 years living here, going into the bedroom, loos, all of it. Bloody hate it. So I get your fear.

UltimateBugKilla · 08/10/2021 12:39

Perhaps they come to you from an area prone to bad traffic in rush hour.

I live in an area just like that and I am often early to appointments.

Sorry, but YABU

deydododatdodontdeydo · 08/10/2021 12:43

YABU.
You have no evidence that they started early to avoid helping their wives with the kids Hmm
They are probably working their contracted hours.
Lots of tradesmen turn up early and have breakfast first.
They might have some prep work or reporting work to do.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2021 12:44

You're overreacting because of your history. It's nothing to do with them.

Builders often start and finish early to avoid rush hour traffic. It's really sensible. Much better to drive to yours then eat breakfast in the van, than eat (and indeed help with kids) at home, then face uncertainty, stress and possible lateness.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 08/10/2021 12:45

I think it's weird to turn up an hour early, YANBU.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2021 12:46

Especially the case with builders, because their jobs often rely on them all being there, to work together. Two people might not be able to start, without the third person, then they all lose hours / pay / ability to take on the next job. So their working culture places huge emphasis on punctuality.

DamnFoolWhoShotHim · 08/10/2021 12:46

YABU - builders like to get an early start, I'm sure they aren't going to risk their job to watch your house after being inside for 2 days. Are you seeking counselling for your anxiety?

Zeropointzero · 08/10/2021 12:47

I can understand you are anxious.With all that is going on in regards to women being regularly harrassed and abused.it is a bit disappointing how many women on MN are so unsympathetic to your anxiety.FFS were is the sisterly support.Take care and I hope you have friends that are supportive and help you to come to terms with your PTSD.Flowers

Howshouldibehave · 08/10/2021 12:50

If they’ve been here the last two days, surely you recognised them and the van and knew they weren’t random stalkers. I’d just presume they had hit bad traffic previously which was clear today. If you were up and about, I’d have gone out at had 7 to see if they wanted to get started and have a cup of tea. Then they’ll finish sooner!

MrsMiddleMother · 08/10/2021 12:51

Yabu
There's many reasons they would show up early as explained my many others. They didn't knock on your door and ask to start early and I'm sure they certainly weren't 'watching' your house. You need to seek help for your trauma because this reaction to builders parking up an hour early is not right.

ThatsNiiice · 08/10/2021 12:52

@seaandsandcastles

I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

This is something you need to deal with and address. You can’t expect the world to behave as though they know about your past.

They are acting perfectly normally and appropriately.

Agree 100%
silverbubbles · 08/10/2021 12:54

@HPmagic

Op ask them. Say you noticed they were there super early and just wondering why. Perhaps an explanation can reassure you. I think perhaps breakfast or finalising things
This!!

Thanks for doing such a great job - out of interest why do you arrive at site so early?

Peach01 · 08/10/2021 12:56

We're having work done. They're outside 45 mins before the start time but they don't come in until they're supposed to.
It would bother me if they came in before I was expecting them to as I'm busy getting everyone organised but they never do so it's fine.
To give you reassurance, they're probably getting a breather before they start, coffee, read of the paper, phone calls. It's highly unlikely their early arrival has any correlation to you other than the work they're there to do.