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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:
Twillow · 09/10/2021 21:09

YANBU as it's obviously completely terrifying as a trigger for you with your history. But this is a chance to fight your demons, rationalise it, understand that their reasons are almost definitely nothing at all to do with you personally.
I hope the work is now completed and you can move on!

ALongHardWinter · 09/10/2021 21:13

I'm with you on this OP. I'd find it downright weird!

IrishMel · 09/10/2021 21:15

You are not unreasonable at all. They could have parked someplace else. Think they could have been trying to start early so they finish early. If there is something in your past also that is understandable why you feel unnerved having workmen in your house. I try to have my adult son here and have my dog but never used to feel nervous when younger. Sorry you have been triggered like this and they will be gone now and hope you are pleased with the job. Please try to talk to someone a counsellor as it will help, take care.

Wantosleep39 · 09/10/2021 21:23

They may just left earlier to avoiding potential bad traffic and ending up really early. They may prefer waiting in the parked car rather than driving in the bad traffic. I won’t blame them

Lovely13 · 09/10/2021 21:24

Builders often do this to beat the traffic. Please talk to them. Not nice to feel as you did.

SudokuWillNotSaveYou · 09/10/2021 21:28

@Redjumper1

I used to live in an area where if you left at 7.15 you got to your destination at 8.15. If you left at 7.30 you got to your destination at 9.15 and so were late. A few times, actually on a Friday, I left at 7.15 and actually got there at 7.45 cos traffic was way less. I wasn't due to start until 9.00 so would just have a coffee etc. Could be something as simple as this.
I really think this is the case, especially on a Friday, as traffic is sometimes much worse then.
nimbuscloud · 09/10/2021 21:29

They could have parked someplace else.

Why would they do that?

IrishMel · 09/10/2021 21:46

Just read your update and am really sorry that you and your child had to go through that harrowing experience. This is why you are feeling so unnerved and really good you have your mum who supports you and understands you.. Ignore the people with no empathy on here saying you are bothering your mum. Shocking that people have no empathy at all. Take care of yourself and hope you find some peace of mind xx

Jellyfishnchips · 09/10/2021 22:25

Hi OP, sorry this sounds like a triggering issue for you. It’s not a rational response, but that’s the thing with trauma, it can be triggered by odd and irrational things ( and yours is entirely understandable given what you’ve been through) You are safe, these are workmen coming to do a job in your home and will soon be finished. I’m sure they have no idea that their early arrivals are upsetting you ( I have had workmen coming early too and as others have said it is a common practice). Sounds like you need kind people around you and counselling to help you with the previous trauma. Practically speaking (if you can bear to be up and out that early) maybe just leave the house for a bit and come back to let them in for their usual start time eg go out for a walk or drive somewhere, park up and listen to radio etc . I’m sorry you haven’t had more supportive responses on here, it sounds so much like a direct trauma response to me.

MaternityNurse007 · 09/10/2021 22:31

Hi, hope they finished the work today? I must say we had 2 guys for 3 weeks... they are pretty local but came about 20-30min early on each day which i found odd at the beginning...But i have learnt that had breakfast in there and was reading a bit of news etc before work...and I opened the door and left it open for them so they won't have to knock...As soon as they came in i asked if they had a nice breakfast and if they want a tea. I also learnt from them that they ,,not allowed" to pop out to get a fast meal ( they were having lunch in the van on every single day and i told them they can come to the kitchen or go to the high street 5 min drive, where we have tonns of food shops). They have told me that they have a GPS tracker in the van and can to leave the location. I jocked and sad c'mon they don't check it and they told me that yes they really do. So yeah, tracker is a good reason for them to stay around ... they often stayed in the van till 4pm ( end of shift) but in reality they finished around 3:15 ... they had to do a bit of paperwork in the van and had a bit of food.... anyway, it was mainly about the built in GPS tracker.

May i suggest that your situation is slightly different and in future 1, try to choose a company someone used and recommended for you rather than a unknown company, 2, do write down the van type and number plate ( and check online), 3, if anything makes you feel uncomfortable, ask your mum, friend etc to be around or try to leave and go for a coffe, walk, library...
4, if they creepy get rid of them.
Have an emergency plan in your mind please! It is better to be safe than sorry. Such as lockable room, have your phone with you always, that spray with paint thingy you can legally buy from amazon etc... tell your mum , friend about anything you have in your mind.

These guys sounds the nice type but i totally understand what happened in the past , makes you more alert about things. You need to feel in control, so having plans in your head is a good way to feel in control.
Take care x

Wineandroses3 · 09/10/2021 23:23

What time do they actually knock on your door to start work? Do you know what they’re doing sat in their van for so long? I don’t think YABU at all, If they said 8am start why are they turning up at 6:45am? 7:30am ok - but 6:45? Too early for an agreed start time of 8am.

Runningupthecurtains · 09/10/2021 23:43

drive somewhere, park up and listen to radio etc

But not outside anyone's house eh or she'd be doing to someone else what she is complaining about being done to her.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 10/10/2021 00:18

Your attitude to hard-working, diligent workers is really rather out of order. I know plenty of tradesmen who get to a place early to ensure they beat some of the worst traffic during prime time, then park up, often have a coffee and a sandwich, read a paper and just relax before they begin their days work. this is not about you or got anything to do with you!

A lot of people went through traumatic abuse but this does not give them/you a carte blanche to project your personal fears and experiences on innocent people in perfectly normal situations. It is not rude to tell you to get a bloody grip!

Marvellousmadness · 10/10/2021 02:13

If you didn't like it you should have told/asked them. They probably were just early as they wanted to chill,eat breakfast and scroll throug Instagram. They were doing nothing wrong, really ...

Evan456 · 10/10/2021 08:32

I’ve had workmen arrive early, because if they left it any later they would get stuck in traffic

HeyGepetto · 10/10/2021 08:42

@Redjumper1

I used to live in an area where if you left at 7.15 you got to your destination at 8.15. If you left at 7.30 you got to your destination at 9.15 and so were late. A few times, actually on a Friday, I left at 7.15 and actually got there at 7.45 cos traffic was way less. I wasn't due to start until 9.00 so would just have a coffee etc. Could be something as simple as this.
I agree it’s probably something like this.

I don’t think YABU, I would find this strange too and would feel quite unsettled by it, and I don’t have the traumatic history you have. Thankfully, they’re nearly finished.

winnieanddaisy · 10/10/2021 08:53

I know how you feel . I was assaulted as a child and I too have had an issue with tradesmen in my house all my life . If I knew one was needed I would make sure I had someone could come round to be with me even if it was a childConfused.
It turns out that the culprit was a dustbin man so I have also had to avoid the wagon and won't go outside my house until it's left my street . I know that my behaviour has been irrational but after 60 years I don't feel as bad as I used to . I can now manage a tradesman in my home without panicking. YANBU .

Barney60 · 10/10/2021 09:12

Building site next to me. By law are not allowed to start till 8am, all the workmen are here in vans lights on ,engines running ,van doors opening and banging shut, shouting to each other ect at 6.30- 6.45am, drives me nuts.
Its quite normal, think like someone previous said theyd rather get out of their own homes, they hope by sitting there you will let them in, do not give in if 8am is your preference.

ginexplorer · 10/10/2021 10:18

I’m sorry for the experience that you describe and clearly that’s the trigger for your worry as some others have described.

You asked ‘so please tell me all about how I should trust because I clearly have no clue! ‘
I wonder then if this is the root of the problem then? I wonder if you have explored getting counselling / help to work through the trauma you have faced?

I guess if I answered your question from my experiences in life it would be that not everyone behaves like your ex partner.

I’ve had countless workman at my house though and many have turned up early and sat in van. I’ve never had any who made me feel uncomfortable. Plus I’ve never had a terrifying experience like you.

That goes for shopping / supermarket delivery dropping shopping in my house.

In general I believe most people are fundamentally good and I look for that good.
If I took the news as my point of reference I would never leave the house. Clearly you have had a seriously shocking thing happen to you directly. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like.

I do hope you can find a way to rebuild that trust in people again.

Dorisspider · 10/10/2021 12:31

I am afraid you are totally over reacting. Which I totally understand given the circumstances.

Bard6817 · 10/10/2021 14:26

As someone who hates being mate for work, whether normal office or a remote locale, arriving early is normal.

Sometimes i’ve arrived a few hours earier, intended to have a break en route but didn’t need it in the end.

Not their fault if you feel weird. Just because they arrived early and male.

Spotsmum · 10/10/2021 20:18

YABU. Your trauma is legitimate, your fear totally understandable. It's not their fault, though.

Jjjayfee · 11/10/2021 09:12

Builders get on the road early to avoid traffic.

maddening · 11/10/2021 10:04

Yabu

jillybeanclevertips · 11/10/2021 12:31

They were just early, your hang-ups are your problem. They shouldn't have to explain anything to you, better to be early than late. Just be glad the job is done.