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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this creepy?

226 replies

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 10:27

We are currently having a wet room fitted paid for by occupational health (so I didn’t hire these workies directly)

3 day job and we agreed an 8am start

Their work van was parked outside my house at 0645 this morning!

I am all for being early to your job but I’ve been stalked in the past and I found having 2 men parked directly outside my house while it was still dark (ffs!) triggering and intimidating.

Am I being overly sensitive because I find this whole thing with men I don’t know in my house difficult (due to past experiences) or is it just plain creepy to park outside for so long?!?

They know I am here on my own because this is day 3 and I can’t wait for it to be over!

Yabu - why wouldn’t they park up outside for an hour and 15 mins. Everyone loves getting up earlier than necessary and I’m sure it’s more fun than helping their wives with the kids in the morning

Yanbu- I would feel uncomfortable too

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 10:43

Yabu. There's nothing inappropriate about parking in a public street.
I wouldn't have thought asking politely if they could start earlier than the agreed time would be remotely inappropriate either, and they didn't even do that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Balonzette · 08/10/2021 10:43

You're being really unreasonable. They clearly just misjudged the distance to yours, or wanted to be early which is really responsible. Maybe having a tea in the van or something.

ThreeLittleDots · 08/10/2021 10:44

I wouldn't like it either OP and can understand your feelings - if not totally rational but understandable.

MrsBungle · 08/10/2021 10:44

There’s a load of reasons they might have been early. Maybe they went it pick up materials and it took less time than they thought. They’ve been appropriately behaved the last 2 days in your house. Your reaction is extreme and im sure they’d be offended you find them creepy.

vivainsomnia · 08/10/2021 10:47

Maybe they pretend to start earlier to finish earlier. Who knows, not your business. Nothing to do with you at all. You've seen them for 2 days so I know it is them.

They are probably just having coffee, breakfast listening to the radio. What are you so scared of?

saraclara · 08/10/2021 10:48

@HerrenaHarridan

Other than this they have been very considerate to be fair. If anything I had been considering calling their employer to commend them.

Friendly without being inappropriate and tidied away after themselves each evening.

I am really shaken by this though. I’ve been on the phone to my mum all morning because I felt scared of being in the house on my own with them now

I'm sorry for what you've been through in the past. But you must know that this is a massive and irrational overreaction. These guys sound as though they've been the prefect trades people, so please still commend them. There really is no reason for you to feel any different about them being in the house today, than you did yesterday.

They will be doing paperwork, making work calls or having their breakfast in the van. It's fine.

WhoWearsShortShorts · 08/10/2021 10:49

YABU for this

Geamhradh · 08/10/2021 10:50

People can't win, can they?
If they'd got stuck in traffic and been light, you'd moan
If they banged on your door at 6.45, you'd moan.

As others have said, with the best will in the world, there was nothing creepy about workmen, with an appointment, arriving in good time for that appointment.

CreateAName123 · 08/10/2021 10:53

In their defence....do they know you have had a bad experience in the past? Probably not. Going by the fact that you have said they have been more than friendly, if you told them they would probably park elsewhere.

It could be that they had to do something before starting your job? In the past DH car has broken down and I've had to drop him off. There is no point dropping him off, then going back home, then passing DH work again to go to my work. So I've gone straight to work and sat in my car until it's time to start.

It could be that setting off later would mean they get stuck in traffic so they set off early.

KosherDill · 08/10/2021 10:56

@NotAnotherPushyMum

Sometimes when I have to drive somewhere and be there between 8 and 9 I have a choice of being there very early or risking being late because of the traffic. Maybe it’s something like that?

This, or maybe they want to relax with tea or breakfast after the commute; I've done that myself in the car many times. Allowing oneself a little down time before the work day begins is not suspicious activity.

Sunshinealligator · 08/10/2021 10:59

It could be as unoccupied as their employer having a tracker on the van and only paying them a full day's wage if they're at location by 7 am and until a certain time 3pm etc.

I know a few contractors who have been known to sit in their vans for quite a long time before and after work to avoid their wages being docked, despite fulfilling their days amount of work or not having access to buildings.

For example, one building wouldn't let them in until 8am, but they're paid to start at 7 and had to be there before 7 to get paid...they did this for a few weeks on my job, but it was quite regular for them

Sunshinealligator · 08/10/2021 11:00

*innocuous not unoccupied !

Balonzette · 08/10/2021 11:01

You're being unreasonable.

You seem to be having such a strong reaction to something very minor.

goldshade · 08/10/2021 11:01

You're making a drama out of nothing.
Absolutely ridiculous.
You should have told them to come in and start earlier.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/10/2021 11:03

It's the perfect time for a couple of relaxed coffees and a bacon roll.

You wouldn't have wanted them knocking and asking if they could start earlier, they probably have to be on site at 7am as part of their contract - so it's quite normal to park up and have a more civilised start to the day.

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 11:03

YABU. They probably got there early in the hope you'd let them start earlier so they could finish up and get away sooner than expected.

ssd · 08/10/2021 11:04

Nah, turning up over an hour early is crazy, I'd need to ask them about it. I dont think its creepy, just a bit nuts.

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/10/2021 11:04

@ssd

Nah, turning up over an hour early is crazy, I'd need to ask them about it. I dont think its creepy, just a bit nuts.

But nobody else's business.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2021 11:06

@ssd

Nah, turning up over an hour early is crazy, I'd need to ask them about it. I dont think its creepy, just a bit nuts.

Surely you'd need to ask them first, before deciding it's nuts?

I mean considering all the perfectly plausible explanations on this thread?

Twentypast · 08/10/2021 11:10

I was an hour early for a dentist appointment yesterday. I had no petrol and was told a local petrol station almost next door to the dentist had a delivery at 8am. I was there at 8am, managed to fill up by 8.10 and was sitting outside the dentist at 8.15 for a 9am app. It wasn't worth going home. So yes, YABU, there may have been a reason they were early.

Original poster

HerrenaHarridan · 08/10/2021 11:13

I should know I can trust them after 2 days?

I was with my ex for 6 years before he tried to kill me and our infant and then proceeded to watch our house for months with the police saying they couldn’t do anything unless he ‘actually did something’ so please tell me all about how I should trust because I clearly have no clue!

It’s true their works van is likely to have trackers for cheaper insurance and employee monitoring.
This has made me feel much better because it feels different if they felt like they had to be here as opposed to choosing to sit outside watching my house

One more day of this and it will be over

OP posts:

MintyGreenDream · 08/10/2021 11:13

They're probably claiming for more hours than what they're doing.Colleagues of dh do it regularly. Definitely nothing creepy.

Dancingsmile · 08/10/2021 11:14

Some people have a meeting, sort what work needs to be done, trouble shoot, support via a group phone call. This often happens before the work starts in a house so the person having the work done doesn't feel like it's taken out of their time.
The work calls are informal and the workers are on site sat in their vans usually with a flask of coffee whilst chatting.

Muchasgracias · 08/10/2021 11:15

YA definitely BU.

You can’t help being triggered but you need to learn to handle it better. You have catastrophised this event and allowed it to take over your entire morning - and your mums time too. Perhaps use your extreme reaction to this as a good time to reach out and get help. Having been stalked is truly horrible and you need to be kind to yourself and recognise you aren’t fully over that experience. But in this case, it’s not the fault of the men. They just got to work early and they stayed in their van and have been exemplary workers all week.

Dramalaama0 · 08/10/2021 11:16

I think you are overreacting hugely, you have every right to, but your perspective is distorted.
I would suggest reverting back to Occ Health,

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