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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let DS play on his switch in church?

241 replies

FatCatThinCat · 07/10/2021 15:34

I haven't done this, I'm trying to gauge how bad it would be. I haven't been to church in years and really want to start going again but there's not a chance with my DS as he's autistic and wouldn't sit still or quiet for more than 2 minutes. But if I let him have his switch with headphones he'll sit still and quiet for hours. But it's church so it feels really disrepectful. What do you think?

YANBU - he has a disability and he needs it get through the hour

YABU - are you having a laugh, of course you can't let him do this

OP posts:

FlipItDown · 08/10/2021 23:16

@Janaih

I hate seeing kids on devices in church, it's supposed to be a respite from the digital world. But as a mother I know you do what you gotta do.

Says who?

How about just being happy that children are there?! Is it not a good thing?

WaterBottle123 · 08/10/2021 23:27

God made your son, God made Switches. Ergo God has no legs to stand on to object.

warmeduppizza · 08/10/2021 23:35

It would be 100% fine in my (traditional Anglican) church, people would just be happy that you’re there.

ZenNudist · 08/10/2021 23:50

As a regular church goes I think your plan sounds sensible. I take colouring for my 8yo. Otherwise he will treat the pews like a climbing frame or climb all over me. He even runs off and sits on other pews.

Last week he made a right song and dance, colouring loudly dropping pens then crawling after them, then he dropped a bottle and it rolled under the pew.

After mass Father was shaking with laughter. He certainly doesn't hold it against me.

You go to mass for you. It might be nice for your ds to get taken to mass even if he's distracted by screen.

HeyFloof · 09/10/2021 07:19

@3scape

Please don't take an already vulnerable child into a church environment.

You're going to have to expand on this for me, why?

Couldhavebeenme3 · 09/10/2021 08:47

@MrsRobbieHart

Don’t take him if he’ll get nothing out of it. Attend an online service if you can’t get childcare or attend when someone else can have him/he’s at school.

ODFOD, not everyone wants to go online or go when they can get childcare. I rather suspect op is looking for company outside the home and leaving ds at home is not an option.

If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable then you need a different church op. Christians come in all different shapes, sizes, backgrounds and abilities, if ds needs his switch to manage for an hour, then take it. Maybe a word with the minister beforehand. We'd welcome you both at my church!

vicarlady · 09/10/2021 09:06

Your and your son would be very welcome in all of the churches I care for. Whilst there might be a bit of muttering from a few members of the congregations, that would be for me to deal with. I would be delighted that you had found a way that enabled you both to join us.

sharksarecool · 09/10/2021 09:08

It depends on the age of your child and what your aims are for your them regarding church.
Most churches with their head and heart in the right place would not give you any grief for a child sitting with headphones on a screen.
However, they equally would have no issue with younger children or SEN children moving around or making noise (my church has invited parents of autistic children with complex needs to be interviewed during thevservice to explain their child's condition so that the wider congregation understands and can be supportive.)

I would caution that if you want your child to engage in church and enjoy coming, games consoles are probably not the way to go. IME the young children who sit on their games consoles become the teens who disengage on their phones, whereas the young children who are running about the place will feel more involved and eventually learn to engage in more and more of the service. Most young chikdren and many SEN xhildren will enjoybengaging in singing, maybe prayers, and any games/quizzes/activites which happen in rhe service, even uf they find ither bits harder.
So if you are only bringing your child because there is no other childcare option available then console is fine but if you are hoping for them to enjoy it, learn sonething, make friends and feel part of a church family, then it might be worth trying to hold off on the console if you can

vicarlady · 09/10/2021 09:11

And yes, I use my iPad during services. For notes, readings and sometimes visual aids.

knittingaddict · 09/10/2021 09:19

@underneaththeash

Go to a weekday service when he's at school.

What is this mysterious mid week service? No church I've ever attended had a mid week service. They had other groups and activities, but not an actual service.

Janaih · 09/10/2021 09:23

@FlipItDown says me, obviously.

I'm neither happy nor unhappy if a child is plugged in during a church service. They might as well not be there. Hate was probably the wrong word to use!
I did also say as a mother I understand needs must but everyone has ignored that bit.

knittingaddict · 09/10/2021 09:31

@GreyhoundG1rl

Wow, some of the comments on this thread

I think it would be way out of order. Why bring him if he can't cope and would get nothing out of it?

Do you go to church yourself or is this a rule that you think churches should have? What church do you attend? Do you think children should be sitting quietly on their seats for 1 to 2 hours at the age if 4 or 5?

I've been going to churches in the UK for decades and no church that I've attended would have a problem with this if done discreetly. I've seen children colouring in and drawing at every meeting. A lot of the service will go over a child's head and be a bit boring. It takes time for them to mature to an age where thay can enjoy all parts of the meeting.

Hope you sort something out op.

3WildOnes · 09/10/2021 10:24

@SnowyQueen Are you a regular church goer?
Church is for everyone and everyone is welcome! It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t hear a word that is said, he will hopefully benefit from growing up in a church community. Nobody should be excluded from that.

PurpleDaisies · 09/10/2021 10:25

I think a lot of the votes/comments are from people who are only at church for weddings and don’t know how a regular service runs.

LemonWeb · 09/10/2021 14:04

I agree @PurpleDaisies all of the regular churchgoers are saying ach no problem and no need to explain. OP I hope you have a lovely church for your family to go to.

FlipItDown · 09/10/2021 20:46

[quote Janaih]@FlipItDown says me, obviously.

Okay so you might wish it were that for your own sake but I don't think there are any actual rules that say church is a digital free zone. It's supposed to be for everyone, for you it's a respite from the digital world, it doesn't mean that's what it is for everyone or that's what it has to be for this little boy.

Why, as a church goer, would you prefer a child and then potentially his mother, not to be there at all? Is that not against everything the Bible teaches? Are churches not supposed to be welcoming places for all so that others can hopefully find God?

You have no idea if this boy may in time feel more confident and begin to engage. Instead you'd prefer him not to be there at all so that you don't have to deal with the complete non issue of him sitting quietly with some headphones and a screen... Doesn't seem very godly to me but hey.

Janaih · 09/10/2021 21:06

I would prefer for him to be there but not on an electronic device because 1. I find the screen flickering annoying and 2. I have to explain to my child why they can't play on their tablet 3. If the device loses power or signal then he will struggle to cope.
The same reason I don't like seeing kids on screens anywhere in public. The argument that Christians must cheerfully put up with any old shit "because jesus" is lazy and tedious.
However as I have stated twice, I understand that needs must.

PurpleDaisies · 09/10/2021 21:11

The argument that Christians must cheerfully put up with any old shit "because jesus" is lazy and tedious.
The majority of us Christians are saying will would happily welcome this boy “because Jesus”.

HeyFloof · 09/10/2021 21:23

@Janaih

I would prefer for him to be there but not on an electronic device because 1. I find the screen flickering annoying and 2. I have to explain to my child why they can't play on their tablet 3. If the device loses power or signal then he will struggle to cope. The same reason I don't like seeing kids on screens anywhere in public. The argument that Christians must cheerfully put up with any old shit "because jesus" is lazy and tedious. However as I have stated twice, I understand that needs must.

You don't sound like a very tolerant Christian.

mostlydrinkstea · 09/10/2021 21:30

My middle son used to take a game boy to church and play quietly on it. Other days he would take sudoku. This was 18 years ago when devices were less common. I did get some comments from a few people who disapproved but it was good practice for being a vicar when you realise very quickly that you cannot please some people any of the time.

If the devices are on silent it isn't a problem. Morning prayer in my church is all done on phones. Even my very elderlies have worked out it's easier to do on the app and you can play solitaire during the sermon.

CiaoForNiao · 09/10/2021 21:30

I would prefer for him to be there but not on an electronic device because 1. I find the screen flickering annoying
Sit somewhere where you can't see it
and 2. I have to explain to my child why they can't play on their tablet
Because I'm your parent and that's the rules. The other dcs Mum has different rules.
3. If the device loses power or signal then he will struggle to cope. that's not your problem. That's up to his mum to make sure it's fully charged/he can play something offline.

Janaih · 09/10/2021 22:12

@HeyFloof you must have missed where I said "I understand that needs must". Easily done, I've only said it on every single post.

3WildOnes · 09/10/2021 22:22

@Janaih I don’t really understand your needs must comment. Church isn’t just about listening to the service it is also about being part of a community. She wants her son to be part of that community with her. Everyone is welcome in church not just those who can listen and take in the service, no one should be excluded.

Janaih · 09/10/2021 22:26

Well she could just drug him then, the effect would be the same.

PurpleDaisies · 09/10/2021 22:28

@Janaih

Well she could just drug him then, the effect would be the same.

What a ridiculous comment.

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