Page 5 | to let DS play on his switch in church?

FatCatThinCat · 2021-10-07T14:34:49+00:00

I haven't done this, I'm trying to gauge how bad it would be. I haven't been to church in years and really want to start going again but there's not a chance with my DS as he's autistic and wouldn't sit still or quiet for more than 2 minutes. But if I let him have his switch with headphones he'll sit still and quiet for hours. But it's church so it feels really disrepectful. What do you think? YANBU - he has a disability and he needs it get through the hour YABU - are you having a laugh, of course you can't let him do this

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 07/10/2021 17:05

[quote GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]@CraftyGin no of course not. But you’d get a lot of looks, and the priest might have a word afterwards.

I’m not necessarily saying I agree but that’s what would happen.

I guess the thinking is, if you’re going to be there you should be taking part.[/quote]
Where is your church @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I’m asking because I will avoid at all costs.

I’m a single parent. The looks is probably get

Redwinestillfine · 07/10/2021 17:05

There's usually a kids church with activities for them. Alturnatively can someone mind him?

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2021 17:08

I wouldn't care less, but then I may have sat at the back and allowed my DS1 to play a game (I'm pretty sure no one noticed) and I definitely let him read books.

DS2 used to sneak in headphone in to mass and I would pull them out of his ears. - Different boys, with different needs.

If you are able to run in by the vicar/priest, explaining your reasoning it might be a good idea.

Personally I think it's better that children enjoy church services than find them an endurance or become a disturbance.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 07/10/2021 17:08

Another way of viewing it op

Take him with the iPad

If you sense judgment and criticism, you know it’s not the church for you. And a deeply unpleasant one at that

If welcomed, it’s the church for you

So win win in a sense

ChocoAvo · 07/10/2021 17:09

I'd ask the vicar and explain. I remember as a child being allowed to play an old school Gameboy at church and the priest giving me a place to sit that was at the front but sort of hidden away so I could have the space I needed. I'd ask, some priests are very accommodating and would just want to help you attend church.

Icecreamsoda99 · 07/10/2021 17:10

I hate seeing kids on devices in church, it's supposed to be a respite from the digital world. But as a mother I know you do what you gotta do.

Maybe you should be concentrating on the service rather than looking at what others are doing.

3WildOnes · 07/10/2021 17:10

I am a regular church goer and this would be absolutely fine in my church. No one would bat an eye lid. You would be welcomed unconditionally.
I think most of the comments from people who are saying it was disrespectful are from those who don’t actually attend church.

There was a post a while ago where someone had seen some women heading into church with take away coffees and how she thought it was disrespectful, though she didn’t actually attend church herself. Almost all those who agreed with her were non church goers. Lots of us who attend church regularly replied that there would be no problem with this in our churches. I think there is a misconception about what church is actually like. We are a lively friendly welcoming bunch in mine.

SallyDoTheDishes · 07/10/2021 17:12

We used to attend a Catholic family mass on a Sunday, which basically meant a bit of chaos with toddlers and children but everyone had children so it was very forgiving, no stern looks or tuts. There were elderly ladies who loved seeing the little ones. It was at 9am.

Anyone who wanted a more traditional mass attended the one afterwards at 11am.

I think you need to think about the environment, I wouldn't bat an eyelid but there are others who might. I would speak to the priest/vicar whoever presides over the mass but you could also attend on your own leaving your child behind with their Dad, get a feel for the place and the people.

I know you say you want him involved but if he isn't interested why take him?

PurpleDaisies · 07/10/2021 17:12

I know someone who has memories of being told off for colouring too loudly in church as a child. Fortunately he came through that, and is now a vicar (but in a different denomination!).

I bet it was scraping felt pens!

sonjadog · 07/10/2021 17:14

I don't really see the point in asking people here tbh. What people do in churches of different denominations and traditions in the UK can tell you nothing about what is accepted in your local church. I know rural Norway well and churches in it, and if Sweden is much the same, then I doubt there will be a problem, but it would be normal to make contact and ask in advance just so they know. Also good that they know in case he doesn't sit still and runs around and you have to leave with him. Just ring up the priest and ask.

Janaih · 07/10/2021 17:15

@Icecreamsoda99 I'd be able to concentrate better without flickering screens in my line of vision

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 07/10/2021 17:22

@sonjadog

I don't really see the point in asking people here tbh. What people do in churches of different denominations and traditions in the UK can tell you nothing about what is accepted in your local church. I know rural Norway well and churches in it, and if Sweden is much the same, then I doubt there will be a problem, but it would be normal to make contact and ask in advance just so they know. Also good that they know in case he doesn't sit still and runs around and you have to leave with him. Just ring up the priest and ask.

The Lord and the lord’s house is not country specific

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 07/10/2021 17:23

In my church this would be unusual but also really accepted. Why not send a message to the leader of the church to let them know you are coming and due to your child’s needs they’ll be on their game. If it’s like any of the churches I’ve been to they will be thrilled to meet you and want to support you to be able to come.

antoniawhite · 07/10/2021 17:25

I'm a regular church-goer and have organised childrens' services. We would want to give the warmest welcome to you and your son under whatever conditions felt most comfortable for you.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 07/10/2021 17:25

Surely it's fine because "God" preaches tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion. Right? Therefore in theory no Christian/Catholic shoild have a problem at all

occa · 07/10/2021 17:25

I'd speak to the Minister in advance and get their thoughts/opinion. They'll have a good idea of the likely reception this would get.

sonjadog · 07/10/2021 17:28

"The Lord and the lord’s house is not country specific"

Nonsense. There are many different denominations and cultures inside churches, and what is the custom in one church is not in another.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 07/10/2021 17:29

Might be best to go by yourself first and get to know the place and the people. Then you can decide whether your son would even get anything out of it and introduce him later when people know you.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 07/10/2021 17:30

Thought I’d note my vote as a church goer- of course he can. It’s not a competition to look the most holy. You can worship in peace, and God is going to smite him for being disabled. If anyone asks just calmly explain, and say otherwise you struggle to attend. They’ll get it. If they don’t they need to focus on their own following of Christ a bit better.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 07/10/2021 17:31

@sonjadog

"The Lord and the lord’s house is not country specific"

Nonsense. There are many different denominations and cultures inside churches, and what is the custom in one church is not in another.

One custom May be judgemental And on may not be?

The former is not how the Lord intended is house is the used. By people making others feel unwelcome

HelpWithWhereToStart · 07/10/2021 17:31

It would be absolutely fine in the traditional Church of Scotland church that we attend. Our minister has a huge focus on all being welcome (which is as it should be), and is just delighted to see new people, especially children.

horseymum · 07/10/2021 17:32

I'm a regular church goer and would be fine with an autistic child doing this. My children ( even my 14 year old) sometimes do sticker books or draw when Sunday school isn't on. I feel like they can hear more like that and they often comment on things they have said but I wouldn't expect a child who hadn't been brought up in church to necessarily be able to sit totally quietly. I hope you are made to feel welcome, you would be welcome at our church.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 07/10/2021 17:32

Isn’t going to* 😅

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 07/10/2021 17:32

@ForTheLoveOfSleep

Surely it's fine because "God" preaches tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion. Right? Therefore in theory no Christian/Catholic shoild have a problem at all

You’d think that wouldn’t you?

Turns out that in some cases, well… it’s not the case

Etinox · 07/10/2021 17:37

Sorry, I mentioned 2 year olds, I’d misread the 2 minutes comment in the OP.
@FatCatThinCat every church I’ve been to and I’ve been to loads, evangelical, very high Anglican and mainly RC the priest would have given very short shrift to anyone looking askance or complaining about headphones or wriggling/ wandering.
I hope you find your parish!