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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DS play on his switch in church?

241 replies

FatCatThinCat · 07/10/2021 15:34

I haven't done this, I'm trying to gauge how bad it would be. I haven't been to church in years and really want to start going again but there's not a chance with my DS as he's autistic and wouldn't sit still or quiet for more than 2 minutes. But if I let him have his switch with headphones he'll sit still and quiet for hours. But it's church so it feels really disrepectful. What do you think?

YANBU - he has a disability and he needs it get through the hour

YABU - are you having a laugh, of course you can't let him do this

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 08/10/2021 19:33

Most churches have a devices off policy though for obvious reasons

I have literally never been in a church with a devices off policy. Never.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 08/10/2021 19:49

@PurpleDaisies

Most churches have a devices off policy though for obvious reasons

I have literally never been in a church with a devices off policy. Never.

nor have I, quite the reverse.

I regularly go to church with a deaf friend, and text them throughout the service to summarise what is happening. There has never been any comment, and a couple of times when I have mentioned it to the minister before or after, they have had no interest or concerns over people texting throughout the service, had barely even clocked it

And I don't see how a church COULD implement a devices off policy. Turn your device off or what?

Hardbackwriter · 08/10/2021 19:54

@PurpleDaisies

Most churches have a devices off policy though for obvious reasons

I have literally never been in a church with a devices off policy. Never.

Me neither, and again I think this is a comment from someone who only goes to church for weddings and funerals and thinks it's always like that.
Strangevipers · 08/10/2021 19:59

Not bad at all !

Allowing your child with autism to play on a switch is completely acceptable

I'd let who ever will be taking the service know beforehand

Also does your place of worship have a group for children like a Sunday school that may be suitable

PeachesPumpkin · 08/10/2021 20:13

Absolutely fine. In my day my parents gave me books from home until I was old enough to engaged but I think gadgets would work much better nowadays.
In the UK bigger churches have good children’s groups from babies in Creche to teenagers, but smaller rural churches often embrace young children as their own and usually have a little comfy corner for young visitors. A good church is generally very tolerant of noise from children.
At my church we have a young adult with learning difficulties and he loves the echoes his voice makes. He calls out and everyone genuinely loves his excitement.

Sixgeese · 08/10/2021 20:20

I am a regular church over and would have no problem with it at all. In fact when my son was younger (and would come with us) we let him play on his phone through the service.

If there is a children's group going on in the service, he might want to go to that, but it is most important that he is comfortable.

But then I can't really talk about what is allowed in church of not, I bring my dog with me each week.

Dazzledee · 08/10/2021 20:21

Your son was wonderfully and fearfully made. A church building itself is just bricks and mortal it is who is in it that makes it, and most churches I have been to would not even flinch at this! I go to a Baptist like church and the pastor or congregation would have no issue at all with this!

Surreyhillsbutnobike · 08/10/2021 20:23

My Vicar wouldn’t care at all and would be very anxious you should feel at ease. No worries at all

Hardbackwriter · 08/10/2021 20:25

But then I can't really talk about what is allowed in church of not, I bring my dog with me each week.

There's good historical precedent for this - there were complaints about people letting their dogs shit in church in the seventeenth century (though I'm hoping yours is better house-trained!)

HeyFloof · 08/10/2021 20:49

Most churches have a devices off policy though for obvious reasons

I have literally never been in a church with a devices off policy. Never.

Same, in fact my DM (the vicar) encourages people to log in to the live stream so they can use the chat function.

Services are also zoomed, so half the congregation are watching /typing, half are in the building, we live steam and then there's someone controlling the zoom feed too. And this is church of England where a good proportion of the congregation are 70+.

EdithWeston · 08/10/2021 20:53

Back when I were a lass, parents would take books, magazine, colouring book, puzzles magazine to keep their DC quietly occupied. It's fine to have supplementary activities for DC.

Screens are a little more intrusive because they are brighter and so have a greater impact on those around you. But if you can sit at the very back, or well to the side, it'll be fine

SarahAndQuack · 08/10/2021 21:03

Another vote for 'devices off' not being a thing. My vicar uses his phone to read out the announcements. When he's doing an unfamiliar service I know he sometimes sets it on the lectern to read from, too.

What's next? 'Oh no, you shouldn't use that new tech of hymn books, back in the day we just memorised the hymns like God intended'?

CiaoForNiao · 08/10/2021 21:08

I think there's an expectation that devices are on silent in church, but people often use them to read along with the readings. The Vicar seems to put her notes for the sermon on hers.
So definitely not a "devices off" rule in my church.

NannyR · 08/10/2021 21:08

Lots of our congregation use their phones during the service, as they have the YouVersion bible app on it, if I'm doing a reading, I will read it from my phone rather than a book bible.

ChocolateRiver · 08/10/2021 21:32

I think this would be fine at our local church which is very family friendly. Ours even has a toddler area where parents can sit on the floor with their children while they play with toys and look at books.

3scape · 08/10/2021 21:34

Please don't take an already vulnerable child into a church environment.

Hairyfairy01 · 08/10/2021 21:46

I find it interesting how the majority who actually go to church think it will be ok. Personally I might ring the vicar first, but more for reassurance I think. I hope you get to go OP.

LegoSteppingStones · 08/10/2021 22:10

@3scape

Please don't take an already vulnerable child into a church environment.
Why?
SnowyQueen · 08/10/2021 22:18

This is really rude. If he’s not listening then what is the point of attending the service? Can’t you go alone?

Lougle · 08/10/2021 22:25

@SnowyQueen

This is really rude. If he’s not listening then what is the point of attending the service? Can’t you go alone?
Because he's unable to cope with the service without it. That simple.
TirednWorried · 08/10/2021 22:30

I would make contact first. I don't think many of us can tell you what rhe Swedish hurchgoing culture is. However i am pretty sure i know what Jesus 's take would be.

LizzieW1969 · 08/10/2021 22:37

I think there's an expectation that devices are on silent in church, but people often use them to read along with the readings. The Vicar seems to put her notes for the sermon on hers.

^This definitely. I use the ‘Bible Gateway’ app to follow the readings, as do the majority of other members of the congregation in our church.

As long as the device is on silent, I don’t see any issue with you doing this.

SusieSusieSoo · 08/10/2021 22:45

My dm often takes my ds to church with her. She requests I send his switch and headphones. I think it's fine. He joins in a bit too but an hour is a long time - normal service isn't kid friendly but singing can be, as is meeting everyone, going up for communion and waving to all the choir, getting a blessing, getting a blessing for his cuddly toy and the biscuits after church are also very important!

FlipItDown · 08/10/2021 23:01

I am really Shock at the PPs who think this is a complete no no / "not in my church".

I am not religious and don't attend a church but surely you would want to make churches an attractive and welcoming place for all. Would people really rather someone didn't come at all than have to endure a child quietly playing on a device?

Rainbowsew · 08/10/2021 23:16

Speak to the vicar first, run it by them and if ok, let the vicar deal with any judgyness from others. I can't see them minding if it means they gain you in the congregation and when you explain his situation.