to let DS play on his switch in church?

[FatCatThinCat]

I haven't done this, I'm trying to gauge how bad it would be. I haven't been to church in years and really want to start going again but there's not a chance with my DS as he's autistic and wouldn't sit still or quiet for more than 2 minutes. But if I let him have his switch with headphones he'll sit still and quiet for hours. But it's church so it feels really disrepectful. What do you think?

YANBU - he has a disability and he needs it get through the hour

YABU - are you having a laugh, of course you can't let him do this

I don’t know how wedded you are to your particular off shoot of Christianity but if you do have problems the Methodist churches tend to be more easy going and inclusive. Have seen plenty of toddlers running about etc (sorry I can’t remember what age you said) If you make sure he has noise cancelling headphones should be all good.

I'm firmly of the 'no fixed denomination' type of Christianity. I go where I feel a connection.

Our local church has a play corner for small kids that can’t (don’t want to) sit through a service, there’s a toy kitchen, books etc.., I can’t see why sitting with his switch would be a issue. My dd has ASD and really struggles with church, she used to have to go with school, so anything that can make things easier has to be a bonus?

We go to church and my child is autistic. Even the days he may not seem to get anything out of it (usually when no kids work) and he might be on his tablet he gets something as it is one of the few places I feel it is one of the few places he is fully accepted and valued for who he is and he has people he has really bonded with and enjoys being with. He has extra support in the kids groups and he has a beautiful faith which is so uncomplicated. As we don't have family around it has just been amazing. That said, I have also been places where there would be dirty looks, but that really isn't how God designed the church to be, it was designed to be a family and kids should be valued for who they are.

@Cma1988

I’m a church goer and I think that would be absolutely fine, as long as he headphones. Alternatively, is there a church kids club he could go to during the service? Most churches have children’s ministries that run alongside their service

This. I’ve used my phone for mine when they were little. I would usually sit at the back so I could make a quick exist if need be. Or he may be interested in the children’s ministries. My DDs loved them, admittedly mainly because a lot of their class mates would be there.

Shouldn't be a problem, me and my brothers would read in Church in the evening services and our dad was the minister - playing on a switch is not much different, so long as he's using headphones.

And also loads of churches use technology in their services - more and more are moving to projections rather than printed service sheets (which is a much greener option). Again, this idea that church is primarily some sort of museum/quiet space divorced from the world outside is a) really dodgy theologically and b) in my experience a view only held by non-church goers.

Church going person here. We have special needs children in our church. They have their tablet and sit with headphones on.

Yanbu. In our church there are 2 nt children who use tablets with headphones. My 8 year-old with learning difficulties reads a book for bits of it and joins in very loudly for the singing and prayers. Some children and adults who have autism use fidget toys.

@Hardbackwriter

And also loads of churches use technology in their services - more and more are moving to projections rather than printed service sheets (which is a much greener option). Again, this idea that church is primarily some sort of museum/quiet space divorced from the world outside is a) really dodgy theologically and b) in my experience a view only held by non-church goers.

We are encouraged to use or phones in our services in order to get the notice sheet and service sheet. We only print about 10 service sheets for those who do not like to look at the big screen.

Churchgoer here and I think it’s absolutely fine although I’d probably mention it to the priest.

@ApplePippa

My autistic son used to do this. I ran it past my vicar first, and she was absolutely fine with it - said whatever makes him feel comfortable. He hated the children's groups, so he stayed in church with his tablet.

Sadly, some churches will judge. Could you get in contact with the church leadership first, just to make yourself known and explain the situation? The type of response you get will tell you so much about the church...

Agree with this

The bullshit I'm reading about "Jesus is love" and "church is for everyone! Yes, so the bible says but the massive clanger in there is the congregations dotted with the judgemental people. Those who "fit". In their own heads at least.

OP, you will be judged by some, that is a fact, but as others have suggested, chat to the vicar and secure that support. If you can find a way that gives you the peace and community you crave, you go for it.

Id love to find a church, accepting of everyone but I think the reality is that it doesn't exist.

A church who would object to this has no business calling themselves a church.

Ask the vicar first and then sit right at the back.

My earliest memory was my dad having a small toy stashed in the breast pocket of his suits - a different one in each suit. He would hold out until I really got restless and out it would come. That was during the 80s in the RCC and through several priests - some very easy going, some as strict as anything.

When I brought DS to church, I had a stash of colouring and pencils in my handbag which kept him and his little cousins occupied during their grandfather's funeral.

I would suggest you pop in and have a word with the vicar, your DS might not be the first that needs unique accommodations. Like other's have said, your DS is part of that community and is as welcome as everyone else, regardless of his attention span.

Try without. Mine all went from babyhood and had their moments, but a church which would object to a distracted and noisy 2 year old isn’t one to go to. He may well surprise you.

Churches with a lot of young families attending are perfectly used to babies crying, children wandering up and down the aisle, playing with the provided toybox, shouting out during hymns etc. Many have a creche and a Sunday School. Jesus welcomes everyone, whatever their needs, quirks, or differences.
I used to teach Sunday school, and once we even (very noisily) re-enacted the battle of Jericho with twenty five over excited wee boys and girls!
Speak to the minister at your Lutheran church OP, and just give them a heads up that you and your son will be coming along. Let them know what you have in mind to help your son cope, and see if they have any extra suggestions to make it easier for you both. I hope this is the start of a long and happy association with your local church family.

@FatCatThinCat

The only things during the week are 6.00 am prayer services. I don't want to go that much.

🤣🤣

If you were going to make a choice based on AIBU then you're stuck. It's 50/50!

(Btw I voted YANBU - he has a disability and he needs it get through the hour)

There would be absolutely no problem with this at my church (v low CofE), in fact we would do anything we could to welcome you both and create a space where you would be comfortable.

Any church that wouldn’t be accepting of this should give themselves a good look. Church isn’t perfect and shouldn’t be trying to be. It’s for everyone and as we’re messy and imperfect, so should church be.

If it was me I’d have a chat with the vicar and explain that you’d love to come to church but your DS has special needs etc. See what they suggest. Any decent vicar would be keen to welcome you both, but if you just turn up with the device you might get a few odd looks.

Scout it out and do your homework! I can't imagine people would be happy if he was playing Fortnite or similar - but there are other options. The average age of the congregation will probably dictate how acceptable this is!

@ApplePippa

My autistic son used to do this. I ran it past my vicar first, and she was absolutely fine with it - said whatever makes him feel comfortable. He hated the children's groups, so he stayed in church with his tablet.

Sadly, some churches will judge. Could you get in contact with the church leadership first, just to make yourself known and explain the situation? The type of response you get will tell you so much about the church...

Yes and explaining to,other parents would be a good idea as other children will probably find it distracting and unfair.

@PurpleDaisies

I hate seeing kids on devices in church, it's supposed to be a respite from the digital world. But as a mother I know you do what you gotta do.

What’s the difference between a kid scrolling though an I pad or flicking through a book? They’re not listening to the service either way and they’re having a nice time. I really don’t understand the hate judging over using devices.

Having a different opinion to you isn't "judging". The difference is that a book is much less likely to distract other children, Devices make noise and the screen moves.

@PurpleDaisies

Perhaps contact the priest/vicar beforehand and say you're concerned people may wonder what's going on - that way they can perhaps welcome you by saying something like 'this is FatCat and her son who has autism and who'll be wearing these lovely orange headphones'

My goodness it must be depressing to be a member of a church where something like that is necessary.

Neurotypical or not, church services are dull for a lot of kids. I wonder if colouring books are also disrespectful.

I know someone who has memories of being told off for colouring too loudly in church as a child. Fortunately he came through that, and is now a vicar (but in a different denomination!).