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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I find out if someone has died?

273 replies

MissingThemDearly · 07/10/2021 14:18

I know this isn’t the right section, I’m posting for traffic. PLEASE don’t move it, I am so desperate for help.

Realistically, how would I find out if someone is dead? I have a gut feeling they are. But I don’t know any information apart from their first name (which is common) and the city they live in (which is large). They were last seen on WhatsApp last month, which rules out that I’ve been blocked as it wouldn’t show that info if I had been, and their phone just goes straight to voicemail when trying to call. This is literally the only information that I have. I know it’s a big conclusion to jump to death but I have a gut feeling, and this is somebody that I was in contact with every four or five days without fail and now nothing for ages. I know the company they work for, but it’s a large supermarket chain and I don’t know which one or where it’s located.

This person is also Muslim. I add this because I don’t think funeral announcements are made locally and available, like other religions are, just in case anyone suggests that.

Is this a lost cause? Any advice or help would be appreciated, thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Ivanthehoe · 08/10/2021 17:56

I could understand a situation like this if perhaps the OP knows the person through AA or NA - generally surnames are not used and strong friendships can be built in these settings. The mention of drink driving made me think this may be a possibility.

Burnerphone21 · 08/10/2021 18:11

First name plus drink driving us quite likely to yield a newspaper article if you goofle

AnImposter · 08/10/2021 18:17

If they have used Facebook marketplace then they definitely have a profile and that is your absolute best chance at finding them IMO

Youdoyoutoday · 08/10/2021 18:31

@Burnerphone21

First name plus drink driving us quite likely to yield a newspaper article if you goofle
Goofle!! 🤣🤣🤣 That really made me chuckle!
Rainydaypuddles · 08/10/2021 18:42

@MissingThemDearly

I don’t know their surname for a reason that makes sense but I’m not saying it so it might seem odd as it’s coming across. I don’t “have” Facebook, I do have an account but I don’t post or add anyone on there (it was created for gaming purposes when the rage was to link with a FB account for free stuff back in 2012) so I don’t have anyone added on there. It’s a generic and random profile with no links to me, they certainly don’t know I have it. I have checked through “recommended for you” list to see if they are on there, but they aren’t. They definitely use Facebook Marketplace as we were talking about it quite recently and they said they used it but I don’t know if that’s a seperate thing to normal FB? Yes, I have the persons email and they have mine. I have already sent an email but no reply.
Facebook marketplace is accessed via Facebook.

Try a search on Facebook with just first name and where he lives and spend time scrolling through. You can also search on marketplace too.

LonginesPrime · 08/10/2021 18:51

It's frustrating not knowing, but what would you do with the information if you did find out why they're not responding to you?

They might have died, or be in hospital or rehab or prison, or they might be in the care of family/friends, they might have met someone else, or their therapist might have advised them to cut ties with you, or they just moved on or any number of other things.

They're not in your life any more, for whatever reason, so I'd try not to torture yourself by dwelling on the reason - you'll likely never know.

PhillyQueen · 08/10/2021 18:51

I once found someone on social media (and therefore all the details that goes with having that) by only knowing their first name, spouse’s first name and the huge city she was from. She had also mentioned going to church but I literally knew nothing else about her. Took me 10 minutes, if that. It was part of a work thing about privacy, not me being creepy.

Put everything you know about this person into google and see what you come up with. Worth a shot.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 08/10/2021 19:35

I thought Muslims didn't drink? Or am I just naive? Confused

Wazzzzzzzup · 08/10/2021 19:39

@cantgetmyheadroundit

I thought Muslims didn't drink? Or am I just naive? Confused
Many do. Lots of my muslim friends drink. Quite a few don't. All draw line at pork though no matter what.
cantgetmyheadroundit · 08/10/2021 19:43

Oh! Well, you learn something new every day! Thanks @Wazzzzzzzup

Darkrainbow · 08/10/2021 19:47

How did they give you the £20? If online banking /PayPal there surname might be on the transaction.

WellThatsATurnipForTheBooks · 08/10/2021 20:03

@MissingThemDearly ... TBH unless you actually tell us how you know this person then it's difficult for us to advise how you can find out what's happened.

eg. if you know them through Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous it's a bit different to if you know them through the local badminton club so suggestions or advice would be very different.

tootootaataa · 08/10/2021 20:11

Seriously, context is needed

Henio · 08/10/2021 20:19

When you delete the WhatsApp app off your phone but don't actually deactivate your account it will still show the last seen. Have you tried texting or calling?

Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 08/10/2021 20:36

If someone was sent to prison for something would they immediately get sent there and locked up with no way of communication, or would they have time by ways of a trial and investigations and time to contact someone beforehand?

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 08/10/2021 20:38

If they drink drive, could it not be more realistic he or she been caught and imprisoned?

HeartvsBrain · 08/10/2021 20:42

OP, why don't you want us to know what city it is, and how you know them - you say it is a big city, and only a 1st name, so how would you giving us the name of the city, the gender of the person you are talking about, and even how you know them, put you in danger of outing yoursef? I know you didn't ask for any Mnetters help in actually finding the person, but only for ways to do so, but I am sorry to admit that at least I (and maybe other Mnetters) are not on here just to be totally altruistic! I am interested (nosy maybe) in other peoples lives, and I do get pleasure from being able to help someone else in even a small way, but all of that means that I would give you any easy advice if I had it, but my 'nosiness' means I would like to know more, and my wanting to feel pleased with myself, means that I want to know more, so that I can help you find the answer that you don't want any direct help with!

HalzTangz · 08/10/2021 20:43

Also if you have their picture run it through image reverse. If they have used the picture to open other online accounts you will then find them (or a surname)

HalzTangz · 08/10/2021 20:45

@MissingThemDearly

If someone was sent to prison for something would they immediately get sent there and locked up with no way of communication, or would they have time by ways of a trial and investigations and time to contact someone beforehand?
They may get reminded. They would be allowed calls which I would assume would be to their family
EmergencyPoncho · 08/10/2021 20:59

They may be immediately remanded in custody, if the offence is serious enough.

ColonelNobbyNobbs · 08/10/2021 20:59

I think you can search Facebook
Using email address

Penistoe · 08/10/2021 21:01

Is this a gaming friend then? If so does he have a gaming name you could try searching for? In case he commented on a gaming thread site.
Maybe making a leap hear.

MissingThemDearly · 08/10/2021 21:04

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 08/10/2021 21:05

How long would being held in custody typically be? Would they be released afterwards or also sent to prison straight away?

OP posts:
Original poster
MissingThemDearly · 08/10/2021 21:06

It’s not a gaming friend

OP posts:
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