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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
jessie436 · 08/10/2021 07:40

I'm very invested in this thread. He's obviously replied for a reason so if it's just casual sex you want then go for it op!

The judgey people on this thread sound like they could do with a good bonk to cheer themselves up.

TheDuchessOfMN · 08/10/2021 08:22

He hasn’t done anything at all wrong. He’s playing by your rules…. You waited a few weeks to text him, he waited 24 hours to reply. Then you wouldn’t even open his message to let him see that you had read it. He will probably do the same to yours Confused

Idiotathome79 · 08/10/2021 08:33

@itistragic

Okay I put on aeroplane mode and opened it. It literally just said 'I will take you up on that offer'. 24 hours for that reply but fair enough!
Maybe he lacks confidence ! Sounds like someone of his age that lives with his mother is most likely not getting many women approach him .
Balonziaga · 08/10/2021 08:39

@WeAllHaveWings

Reply - 🤣 Too slow, opportunity missed, dd is back home. Maybe next time.

Lets him know to reply quicker of interested.

Also agree with this response.

It will show him that you aren't about games and the chase. It was a booty call and he missed it.

DreadingItBadly · 08/10/2021 09:27

I am going against the grain here so OP, feel free to ignore me. But if I texted a man that I would like a repeat I would expect him to answer with "cool, how about [date and time]". I would read "I will take you up on that as a non-committal "maybe, thanks for the offer though". And would definitely not be taking an initiative again with suggesting the date, etc.

At the very least, I will wait for him to "take me up on this offer".

Darker · 08/10/2021 09:46

A lot of people saying this shy and probably quite unworldly man should know exactly what to say and do.

OP - trust your instincts

Nondescriptname · 08/10/2021 09:58

If he actually is shy and unworldly, be careful that he doesn't want more than FWB - if you only want that.

Original poster
itistragic · 08/10/2021 10:04

@DreadingItBadly

I am going against the grain here so OP, feel free to ignore me. But if I texted a man that I would like a repeat I would expect him to answer with "cool, how about [date and time]". I would read "I will take you up on that as a non-committal "maybe, thanks for the offer though". And would definitely not be taking an initiative again with suggesting the date, etc.

At the very least, I will wait for him to "take me up on this offer".

YES!! This is exactly what I think, I'm just gona leave it. Ball is in his court if he wants to again.
OP posts:
DameMaureen · 08/10/2021 11:18

This thread has taken the wordiest turn from one night stand to the world's biggest unrequited love 😂 A ONS shouldn't cause you all this should searching and if it does then it's not for you .

DameMaureen · 08/10/2021 11:18

WEIRDEST

beastlyslumber · 08/10/2021 12:00

I'm in agreement with pp that this is all way too much drama for a ONS. It's supposed to be one night, ffs!

If you want to create a FWB situation then I agree the "too late!" text is absolutely perfect and opens that door.

But he seems creepy to me. Who waits 24 hours to respond to a booty call? Why would you assume the person is still going to be up for it 24 hours later. You could have texted someone else and had a night of passion with them by the time he got back to you.

Maybe the text should be, "you snooze, you lose!"

Winniemarysarah · 08/10/2021 12:01

@DameMaureen

This thread has taken the wordiest turn from one night stand to the world's biggest unrequited love 😂 A ONS shouldn't cause you all this should searching and if it does then it's not for you .
I think it’s the posters on here that have caused all that. The ops texted is he up for it again, the very next day he’s texted back that he definitely is. I don’t understand how people on here are reading so much into it. If someone had messaged me asking for a booty call and I’d replied yes, I’d be waiting for THEM to suggest the time and place. It’s the op who put the offer on the table, he’s said he’s willing so now the op needs to come up with a suggestion. I don’t get all this ‘oh he really doesn’t want to see you again because he didn’t instantly book you into a hotel’ when he’s literally said he wants to see her again
LHReturns · 08/10/2021 12:07

DameMaureen - hear fxxking hear Grin

Original poster
itistragic · 08/10/2021 12:12

@DameMaureen

This thread has taken the wordiest turn from one night stand to the world's biggest unrequited love 😂 A ONS shouldn't cause you all this should searching and if it does then it's not for you .
No unrequited love in this story - not sure where you're getting that idea. Also no soul searching has taken place either Confused What are you even talking about?
OP posts:
Peach01 · 08/10/2021 12:15

@DreadingItBadly

I am going against the grain here so OP, feel free to ignore me. But if I texted a man that I would like a repeat I would expect him to answer with "cool, how about [date and time]". I would read "I will take you up on that as a non-committal "maybe, thanks for the offer though". And would definitely not be taking an initiative again with suggesting the date, etc.

At the very least, I will wait for him to "take me up on this offer".

Completely agree with this. A day for that yawn response, like you've offered him a lift to work in the morning. He's keeping it on the back burner, do the same. If he comes back go for it if you still want to. Otherwise don't give it any more thought.
Fromablokespoint · 08/10/2021 12:45

I am confused about the responses and the suggestions that you should not text because he hasn't?
OP - don't play the I'll wait 3 days text or wait for his next text, if you want a shag take control, tell him your free next whenever and have a good night. Why do people over complicate casual sex - the clue is in the saying.

BertramLacey · 08/10/2021 13:39

He was probably texting back out of politeness so maybe best to leave it there.

Oh for the love of god. First he's rude not to text back after 6 hours then when he texts back after 24 hours he's just being polite? Just text back 'I'm free X-night, come over at Ypm.' Job done.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 08/10/2021 15:11

Just tell him to get his arse round yours on Saturday night for a bottle of wine and a good old game of Hide The Sausage 😃

Garriet · 08/10/2021 15:51

Absolutely! In what way am I overthinking?

Well all of this drama second-guessing his motivations, is he just being polite, does he really mean it etc.

Why ask, receive a positive response, then “just leave it”?

Original poster
itistragic · 08/10/2021 16:01

@Garriet I probably won't leave it completely but I'm not going to arrange something that will be over a week away. Next weekend when I'm having a drink I can message him to see if he's up for it rather than pre planning!

OP posts:
Garriet · 08/10/2021 16:05

Fair enough!

ivegotthisyeah · 08/10/2021 17:27

Great to see he has replied! Knew he would but I'd keep it cool let him sweat this time!! Keep us updated

toocold54 · 08/10/2021 18:08

If you want to give him one more chance that’s fine, you could say how about Saturday (or whenever you’re free) and see what happens. If he doesn’t turn up then not bother again.
I would have thought he’d be asking when you’re next free but he’s not.

DianaBrigg · 08/10/2021 18:11

@itistragic The rules of booty calling someone are that you should only message them when you are free then and there. If they reply, game on. If they don't, no harm trying. Don't try and make future plans with this guy, he seems a bit flaky and it might leave you feeling rejected if they don't happen

This!

toocold54 · 08/10/2021 20:36

The rules of booty calling someone are that you should only message them when you are free then and there. If they reply, game on. If they don't, no harm trying. Don't try and make future plans with this guy, he seems a bit flaky and it might leave you feeling rejected if they don't happen

I agree and actually think you’ve solved the issue.

He wants a booty call - someone he doesn’t talk to unless he wants sex and so will text OP only on the night he wants it.
But I’d say OP wants a FWB - someone who she doesn’t want a relationship with but wouldn’t mind making plans to meet up on X date and have some conversation with.