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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 07/10/2021 13:37

Just had a look at Rob’s recent posts…. If he’s not single his partner is probably on here looking for advice…..

RedHelenB · 07/10/2021 13:37

Maybe he's angsting over the reply juat as you were over sending the message in the first place?

FancyLampshade · 07/10/2021 13:47

Just he casual -

Yo, how’s it going

Don’t make it formal by talking about how much you enjoyed the previous evening , would he like to repeat the experience, etc. That starts to make it a bit cringey and awkward. He’ll know why you’re getting in touch, you don’t have to spell it out.

FancyLampshade · 07/10/2021 13:51

Oh just read your update. Nothing ventured nothing gained! Good for you for taking action and not being passive. Onwards and upwards. :)

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 14:01

@overnightangel

“ You deserve to have your phone pinging all night, seeing his name popping up on screen and smiling insanely to yourself 🥰 that day will 100% arrive so wait for it 😘”

I never understand people who say stuff like this, it’s terrible advice.

“Yeah you’ll need up happy eventually so just wait around and it’ll happen”

  1. how do you know that when you don’t know the poster?
  2. telling people the right person will just come along if you wait for them is the least helpful thing ever, that’s not how the world works
I agree, awful cringy advice haha the woman can go out and look for what she wants should she want to.
Ironi · 07/10/2021 14:03

Ah don’t worry about it. You win some, you lose some. Not a big deal

Mouk · 07/10/2021 14:21

I know you say the contrary, but do you think you may want a relationship with this guy? I'm sorry he's ignoring you, but if you were truly just interested in being FWB's, I don't think it would hurt you this much (his non reply?). I don't mean to be hurtful, speaking from experience.

Balonziaga · 07/10/2021 14:29

@Mouk

I know you say the contrary, but do you think you may want a relationship with this guy? I'm sorry he's ignoring you, but if you were truly just interested in being FWB's, I don't think it would hurt you this much (his non reply?). I don't mean to be hurtful, speaking from experience.
Where has OP said it is 'hurting' her? She has literally said the opposite.

She said she's not bothered. Can't be arsed to block as she doesn't care enough etc. The only thing that she is disappointed in is that she didn't get sex when she fancied it think he had to be rude.

Having said ALL of that - it is hours not days.

MojitoPlease12 · 07/10/2021 14:33

Please please don't assume your weight. Plenty of skinny , slim, tall, short, curvy, people have been in this position, we all have, it's nothing to do with weight Flowers

mustlovegin · 07/10/2021 14:37

His loss OP.

Keep your chin up, there's plenty of fish in the sea Wink

riceuten · 07/10/2021 14:38

If you've seen him a few times and he's in your broader social circle, it's not really a classic ONS. I'd be inclined, if you so wish, to text him.

But leave it at that. If he doesn't respond, move on.

firusihg · 07/10/2021 14:41

I once went out with a guy and we snogged in bed and a few days later I sent him a text saying "I have been feeling very horny since the other night, do you fancy a ONS?" and he came over so fast it was as though he was on the end of some strong elastic.

I think sometimes you just have to be explicit.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 14:47

He is a bit of a strange one, he's been to my house many times for parties and get togethers and he would get all tongue tied and barely talk to me, then send me messages once he left saying things like 'would you have been offended if I kissed you tonight?' 😂 ahhh cringe.

There was a party and everyone left and it was just me and him left and he went so quiet and called a taxi and scurried off. Then messaged me after saying he wishes he had kissed me etc. All very bizarre.

He also is 39 and lives with his parents- has never moved out - mum still does his washing and dinners etc Confused

BUT he was a good shag, I'm willing to give him that 😂

Definitely no feelings for him, just literally wanted to shag him again.

OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 07/10/2021 14:56

He sounds like a bit of a head fuck wrt your last post.
Don't bother messaging him again, OP. If he doesn't have the courtesy to at least respond to a message from a woman he has been intimate with (no obligation to hook up again!), well, that says much about him.

As for the lady-killer Rob the Knob, I'm sure it's a massive relief for the women he has shagged that he never goes back!! Grin Grin

Mermaidwaves · 07/10/2021 15:17

I got into something like this last year, never again because I let him treat me like shit Hmm He would ignore texts and only reply when he felt like it, I would get so excited when he did decide to message me it was utterly pathetic.

You've done nothing wrong OP but he's shown how he will treat you. A quick response just to acknowledge you would have been the right thing to do. He will likely text but when he's got nothing better going on so you will do, you're worth more than that.

BertramLacey · 07/10/2021 15:27

Please promise that if he contacts you again you will ignore/block, as we all know he will. Asking to see him again is fine. Accepting that he can ask again, but you can’t - that’s the route to low self esteem.

How's that work then? So she contacts him, he texts back, indicating that it's fine if she contacts him first, he will reply. So she should then block him because obviously this means it's only okay if he communicates first, not if she does. Confused

TirednWorried · 07/10/2021 15:42

'Will this come across as desperate?'

I think that boat sailed 2 weeks ago

Randomneim · 07/10/2021 15:43

good lord he's 39 and his Mum does his washing!? Go on tinder and find a nice adult who will be straightforward about what they want and what you want and won't play games. You can have this, just not with this dude, who doesn't seem to understand the basic rules of shag courtesy.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 15:45

@TirednWorried

'Will this come across as desperate?'

I think that boat sailed 2 weeks ago

How pathetic 😂 if desperate is having an amazing one night stand after 4 years of nothing then I'm desperate!
OP posts:
Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 15:46

@Randomneim

good lord he's 39 and his Mum does his washing!? Go on tinder and find a nice adult who will be straightforward about what they want and what you want and won't play games. You can have this, just not with this dude, who doesn't seem to understand the basic rules of shag courtesy.
Yes he openly admitted that. I know, that's what I was saying to my friend he is of course under no obligation to repeat it, that's absolutely fine but not even an acknowledgment is just plain ignorant. But as I said I'm feeling much better about the situation today.
OP posts:
TirednWorried · 07/10/2021 15:49

I think he sounds quite sweet and shy, and more as if he's looking for a relationship than a cheap fumble.

la709 · 07/10/2021 15:52

so invested in this and following up lol

butterpuffed · 07/10/2021 16:15

He sounds cripplingly shy [would you be offended if I kissed you] and got carried away , probably feels embarrassed !

Itawapuddytat · 07/10/2021 16:25

I don't think it comes across as desperate at all. If you had texted him right away after first time and seemed too keen, maybe. But a couple of weeks later, asking if he fancies another shag again, just fun, no string attached, definitely no desperate in my opinion. He could have said "sorry, no [maybe put some excuse there if he really wanted to] " but just not replying at all is really rude of him. Which is why I'd ignore him next time he messages.

If he wanted a relationship he'd have definitely got in touch already.

DamnUserName21 · 07/10/2021 16:35

@TirednWorried

'Will this come across as desperate?'

I think that boat sailed 2 weeks ago

Having a one night stand is desperate? That's all men then...
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