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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
Wizzbangfizz · 07/10/2021 11:11

If it is just a hook up situation I'd take it as he will be in touch when he is feeling up for it again! It won't be the last you hear from him I'm sure...

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 11:27

Rob the knob has done a moonlight flick Grin

BertramLacey · 07/10/2021 11:28

He’s out having casual sex and probably taking advantage and using people and that’s fine if people let him, most men will if they’re given half a chance but he’s already making you feel insecure after just one meet and I would not be laying down for someone who leaves me on read or ‘unread’.

What do you mean, if people 'let him'? You do know that sometimes women also want casual sex? And 'laying down' for someone? Which century have I stumbled into?

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 11:34

@itistragic

I feel like blocking will make him think I'm bothered and I'm really not
Yes this! You don't need to block him just don't bother with him again if he pops up, otherwise it's going be the typical 'he can have you when he wants you but not vice versa'.

Can tell you clearly don't want that kerfuffle, well done for having the confidence to text though OP!

traintraveller · 07/10/2021 11:47

I'm not sure on blocking him. If you have the willpower to not respond straightaway to his texts and to avoid becoming a booty call on his terms you don't need to block him. However if you don't I would block him, who cares what he thinks.

LadyMuckington · 07/10/2021 11:49

He could still reply today op. However, now he knows you’re still keen I wouldn’t be surprised if he texts you as a last minute booty call type thing one night as his reply. I’d be careful to respond to that if I was you.

Even if you just want sex, he could have had some common curtesy to reply and you want to be treated as a person and not just a shag.

Frazzledmummy123 · 07/10/2021 11:53

@Tellmeee

You might get a late night drunken booty call after he’s been out with the lads so I would prepare for what you are going to do about that.
I agree with this post.

He doesn't really owe you anything as it was only a one night stand, however at the same time, it is bad if he ignores you but then reappears if he wants fun. No matter how casual, don't let it all be one sided.

FearlessSwiftie · 07/10/2021 12:04

Yeah, go for it. Nothing to lose.

georgarina · 07/10/2021 12:14

I wouldn't be upset OP, your message clearly made it sound like you're just up for something casual. So maybe he is 'up for a repeat' and will get back when he's around.

If I got that text from a ONS that's what I would do - not really the thing I'd feel the need to respond to until the time came IYSWIM

GatoradeMeBitch · 07/10/2021 12:31

Hmm. So he has been messaging you for six years, but the one time you instigate contact he ignores.

I can see "he doesn't owe you anything" said by several people. She's not asking for one of his kidneys... A polite response doesn't cost anything.

Zucker · 07/10/2021 12:31

@perfectasalways

Zucker you're a real treat aren't you? If you do manage to get any women, which I seriously doubt I bet they are cringing the next day so I wouldn't worry about it.
HaHaHa did I touch a ManNerve. Bless.
Zucker · 07/10/2021 12:33

@GatoradeMeBitch

Hmm. So he has been messaging you for six years, but the one time you instigate contact he ignores.

I can see "he doesn't owe you anything" said by several people. She's not asking for one of his kidneys... A polite response doesn't cost anything.

Completely agree. Ignore this one from now on OP, because he will contact you again, he's not worth the mind space.
Tal45 · 07/10/2021 12:36

I wouldn't read too much into it in any way. He might think that seeing the same person more than once for sex is too much like a relationship for him, he might already be sleeping with someone else or have someone else lined up or just have been busy or not in the mood.

You can't take it personally and should be proud of yourself for having the confidence to put yourself out there. Don't give it another thought.

HappyDays101010 · 07/10/2021 12:40

Rob the knob has done a moonlight flick

Grin Well he did warn us, didn’t he!

whackatowa · 07/10/2021 12:55

Hey Rob, I shagged my partner of 10 years on the second date. I wanted to on the first but he said that was too outrageous and we had to wait at least one more week after meeting, so I was literally begging for it.

@NCBlossom "Quality of said cock" will be stuck in my head all day now haha!

guerrillagirl · 07/10/2021 12:55

Sorry, did you say he hasn’t replied in 6 hours? That doesn’t sound very long. Maybe he’s busy at work?! Give him a chance

youvegottenminuteslynn · 07/10/2021 12:59

@VeryLongBeeeeep

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night

Translation: I'm so crap in bed no woman has ever wanted to have sex with me for a second time.

Absolutely this, the poor lamb.

The stench of misogyny is strong with this one!

Itawapuddytat · 07/10/2021 13:04

He will contact you again at some point when he feels like it (now that he knows you are interested ). If I were you, I wouldn't block him ( he will think then that you care more he deserves) but I would totally ignore him next time he contacts you.

It's not you, it's him.

bringincrazyback · 07/10/2021 13:05

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

Nothing to loose.

Apart from your self respect

How judgemental.
Hidehi4 · 07/10/2021 13:15

He will text back when he wants his leg over again. Happened to me when I texted nothing but if I didn’t answer when he fancied a shag he would keep texting. Forget about him and move on

overnightangel · 07/10/2021 13:16

“ You deserve to have your phone pinging all night, seeing his name popping up on screen and smiling insanely to yourself 🥰 that day will 100% arrive so wait for it 😘”

I never understand people who say stuff like this, it’s terrible advice.

“Yeah you’ll need up happy eventually so just wait around and it’ll happen”

  1. how do you know that when you don’t know the poster?
  2. telling people the right person will just come along if you wait for them is the least helpful thing ever, that’s not how the world works
rjacksmiss · 07/10/2021 13:18

I guarantee he will text again! When he's horny! Hahah. And you ignore his message! Blank him completely and get the control back.

Then message him again in a few weeks.

rjacksmiss · 07/10/2021 13:20

That sent too soon, basically bump him off again. It won't achieve anything but you'll feel confident again.

VapeVamp12 · 07/10/2021 13:28

Oh this thread takes me back to about a decade ago when I had a FWB. One night we played scrabble beforehand and always after that the code text was "fancy a quick game of scrabble?"
I miss those days sometimes!

HappyDays101010 · 07/10/2021 13:34

Please promise that if he contacts you again you will ignore/block, as we all know he will. Asking to see him again is fine. Accepting that he can ask again, but you can’t - that’s the route to low self esteem.

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