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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 07/10/2021 22:36

Ah say something back. Let's quit the games of waiting,not replying. Just communicate.
Or should I reply saying 'perfect, I'm free a night next weekend'? Yes,that way he knows you have a life and are not sitting around/free whenever.

Zoflorananana · 07/10/2021 22:37

The delay was probably him not wanting to look desperate. Nice one OP!

I'd say exactly that.

"Great, I'm free a night next weekend"

Have fun Grin

hereforfun · 07/10/2021 22:38

Sorry but going on an anonymous forum and doing all this just for a 'one night stand'/fwb seems to be doing way too much. Isn't the point of a fwb is for things to be straightforward and not complicated lol

toocold54 · 07/10/2021 22:41

Or should I reply saying 'perfect, I'm free a night next weekend'?

Nooo!!
Just don’t reply.
Go and find someone who actually wants to see you. Do you think if you make plans it would actually happen when you’ve only had sex once in the past 6 years and not spoken since. Most guys would try and think of any silly excuse to text just to try and have a conversation and meet up.

guerrillagirl · 07/10/2021 22:43

Yeah I agree he might have been holding back with reply to not seem too keen and put you off. Sounds like he’s really into you. If you like him I say go for it! Don’t overthink it

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 22:43

@toocold54 yeah you're right. And instead of just saying he would take me up on the offer you would think he'd be trying to make plans for it. He was probably texting back out of politeness so maybe best to leave it there.

OP posts:
jelly79 · 07/10/2021 22:47

OP you sound bloody brilliant! I love your confidence :) go girl x

Likeawolf · 07/10/2021 23:00

[quote itistragic]@toocold54 yeah you're right. And instead of just saying he would take me up on the offer you would think he'd be trying to make plans for it. He was probably texting back out of politeness so maybe best to leave it there. [/quote]
After reading your updates, it sounds as if he really likes you but is too shy to admit it so is trying to play it cool. All the instances of him being tongue-tied around you then texting to say he wished he kissed you sounds like text-book crush to me. He sounds inexperienced at having relationships (not surprising if he is still living with his parents). I realise you might not be interested in anything more serious but don't let your insecurities blind you to his. To me it reads as if he would be up for a repeat evening and more.

nettie434 · 07/10/2021 23:01

Sounds as if he was trying to look cool. Good idea to be clear about the evenings that work for you. He doesn't have to plan like you around your daughter so he may not realise he can't be totally spontaneous around meeting up.

ArabellaScott · 07/10/2021 23:04

I think that's more likely to be shyness than politeness.

It might be more work than you can be arsed with, OP, so understandable if you don't want to pursue it.

But I think it sounds far more like he's a bit shit at flirting than he's a player, at all.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/10/2021 23:14

Reply - 🤣 Too slow, opportunity missed, dd is back home. Maybe next time.

Lets him know to reply quicker of interested.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 07/10/2021 23:16

WeAll has it.

Great reply. Do that.

TheresSomethingAboutAndy · 07/10/2021 23:19

If you do want to take it further then I agree with a PP. ignore for now and the next time you are free and up for a bit then text him then. Don't try and make plans for a later date

Garriet · 07/10/2021 23:20

You’re definitely overthinking this for someone you say you just want casual sex with.

You’ve asked. He’s up for it. Sorted, surely?

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 23:31

@Garriet

You’re definitely overthinking this for someone you say you just want casual sex with.

You’ve asked. He’s up for it. Sorted, surely?

Absolutely! In what way am I overthinking?
OP posts:
CatChase · 07/10/2021 23:58

Maybe reply now, if you haven't already. Is he aware of the plans with your dd? Just let him know when you're free, and leave the rest to him.

Lalliella · 08/10/2021 00:09

You’re definitely overthinking! He said he wants to take you up on the offer, you want to do it too so just do it!! If you don’t want to seem too keen then say “I’m not free until XXX, let me know if that suits you” But please don’t play games and leave it, I don’t think he’s messing with you, I just think he doesn’t know how to play it. He just needs a nudge! What have you got to lose? And to gain? A good night’s shag Grin

Honeyroar · 08/10/2021 00:10

I think you’re over thinking too. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt- he’s replied in 24 hours, that’s just about ok (ok he could’ve been politer!). You’re both going to have to communicate a bit if this is to get any better. Tell him when you’re available- make some plans rather than piddling about waiting for him to set a date..

freudien · 08/10/2021 00:16

@WeAllHaveWings

Reply - 🤣 Too slow, opportunity missed, dd is back home. Maybe next time.

Lets him know to reply quicker of interested.

Agreed. Do this. That way you're training him to reply sooner 😉
freudien · 08/10/2021 00:21

"It is all this.... do not sound too keen.... do not sound desperate.... over-think your reply.... bullshit that makes your life difficult."

I agree with this too. It's a FWB after all- or do you have feelings?

Catflapkitkat · 08/10/2021 01:22

Was this the guy who left 20 quid by the bed? Then when you text him and questioned it - it was an accident.

LHReturns · 08/10/2021 02:06

Just take control and ask him to come over when you are in the mood. There is no game to play with one night stands. His response was entirely consistent with your text to him. He will not be talking about what your text means on a chat forum. Just treat him as a bootie call coz that is exactly what you want him to be.

MargotMoon · 08/10/2021 02:25

@itistragic The rules of booty calling someone are that you should only message them when you are free then and there. If they reply, game on. If they don't, no harm trying. Don't try and make future plans with this guy, he seems a bit flaky and it might leave you feeling rejected if they don't happen

Original poster
itistragic · 08/10/2021 04:18

@Catflapkitkat

Was this the guy who left 20 quid by the bed? Then when you text him and questioned it - it was an accident.
No but I remember that thread
OP posts:
Wouldlovetobeinthesun · 08/10/2021 07:23

He could be nervous, shy etc. You sound like you might be up for more than a bit of fun and why not?! Either way, you'll never know if you don't send that message. Some people just don't look at their messages every day...

Send him a message about next weekend and go for it! Have fun.

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