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Original poster

How to make people understand how bad I feel

159 replies

sicko · 05/10/2021 23:22

I'm currently staying with in laws and my almost 2 year old DS is too.

I am pregnant again and suffering from HG and have had to be on a drip due to dehydration. I'm on sick leave. Every day is hell.

We are staying here for about a month. Before being pregnant etc, I had sorted it with my SIL that she would look after my DS while I worked during this time as she's currently between things and has the time. I've offered to pay but she refused.

Anyway I'm in a bad way. Everything is a struggle. My husband is at work 7 days a week at the moment, he cannot help me at all.

Any tiny thing someone does for me helps. Even just lifting him into his chair. Or helping me bring him downstairs. I can't go out of the house, as I have zero energy. Like I say, I am in a bad, bad way. I also suffer from a serious condition and I think that's not helping. But generally, I'm just exhausted. I go to bed usually at 8 pm (tonight not, because my son wasn't settling ).

My sis in law has helped me out a bit, but not like we had agreed, because obviously I am on sick leave. She keeps just going out and not returning for two to three days and not even telling me. I am trying to convey how much I am struggling, but for example today, she left and didn't come back until late evening. Everyone is going away this weekend and I've managed to arrange for someone to come and help me. I told my sis in law straight up that there's no way I can spend the entire weekend alone again like last week/ weekend. So she knows it's very very very difficult for me.

I'm trying to find a local nanny but don't know anyone here. I'm not comforted with sending him to nursery yet. In any case it's all so hard and it's so hard to convey that. But I'm hurt my sis in law won't even tell me she's going away, eventhough we had agreed she'd help me.

I just keep crying and wishing for my mum. But she also can't help me. I don't know what else to do. What did other people do when they had HG and a toddler ?

OP posts:
Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:25

I don't think anyone understands how bad I feel. It's mental and physical torture almost 24 hours a day. It's really getting me down and I also feel like I can't give much to my baby boy. How do I make them understand ? I don't want to constantly go on about how bad I feel.

OP posts:
Ionlydomassiveones · 05/10/2021 23:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Justilou1 · 05/10/2021 23:30

Honestly, I understand. I had HE too. Both pregnancies. While I understand, nobody else is responsible for your child, or your pregnancy. I’m sorry to be blunt like that. Are you on medication now for the nausea? Can you drink some electrolyte fluid for some energy? You literally have to do what you must.

XiCi · 05/10/2021 23:31

Your DH needs to step up and help. Either take time off or organise proper help. Why is he working 7 days when you are struggling so much? And what are mil and fil doing? Doesn't seem much point you being there if noone is helping in any way.

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:31

@Justilou1

Honestly, I understand. I had HE too. Both pregnancies. While I understand, nobody else is responsible for your child, or your pregnancy. I’m sorry to be blunt like that. Are you on medication now for the nausea? Can you drink some electrolyte fluid for some energy? You literally have to do what you must.
No nothing helps.
OP posts:
Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:33

It sucks because if I was working, she'd look after him as agreed.

OP posts:
Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:34

@XiCi

Your DH needs to step up and help. Either take time off or organise proper help. Why is he working 7 days when you are struggling so much? And what are mil and fil doing? Doesn't seem much point you being there if noone is helping in any way.
They all can't. My husband can't take time off. His business will collapse.
OP posts:
In4mation · 05/10/2021 23:35

You need to get dh to sort a nanny or take time off.

lynntheyresexpeople · 05/10/2021 23:35

I mean this gently too, but it's not their responsibility to take care of you. Your husband needs to arrange something. I also think you're going to have to consider nursery if nothing else is an option.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2021 23:36

Where is your husband in all this? You need to be clearer with him about how bad you’re feeling, what you need, what your son needs, that the help you were expecting hasn’t transpired and he needs to take time off or source, manage and pay for help.

Your son can’t be having much fun while his dad is out 7 days a week. Why’s he working so much?!

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:38

@AnneLovesGilbert

Where is your husband in all this? You need to be clearer with him about how bad you’re feeling, what you need, what your son needs, that the help you were expecting hasn’t transpired and he needs to take time off or source, manage and pay for help.

Your son can’t be having much fun while his dad is out 7 days a week. Why’s he working so much?!

He can't take time off. Business will collapse. None of us are having fun.
OP posts:
Bellyups · 05/10/2021 23:38

I too had HE. I know how bad it is. But it’s really not up to SIL. Please don’t put this at her door. Your husband and you need to sort this.

5zeds · 05/10/2021 23:38

What helps is rest so the whole situation is a nightmare. You need an au pair to come and be a pair of hands and bring you lots of tiny meals while you put your feet up. Get dh to organise you a bit of paid help.

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:39

@Bellyups

I too had HE. I know how bad it is. But it’s really not up to SIL. Please don’t put this at her door. Your husband and you need to sort this.
But she said she'd look after him !
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2021 23:39

My husband can't take time off. His business will collapse.

Well who was caring for your son while you were in hospital?

How sustainable is a business if he needs to work 7 days a week or it’ll collapse?

Given that no one can make your SIL be available, is this going to one of those threads filled with objections and where nothing anyone suggests is any use?

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:39

@5zeds

What helps is rest so the whole situation is a nightmare. You need an au pair to come and be a pair of hands and bring you lots of tiny meals while you put your feet up. Get dh to organise you a bit of paid help.
I'm searching desperately.
OP posts:
luckyJasmin · 05/10/2021 23:40

Why did you get pregnant the second time if you're not coping? I'd love to live in Italy but it is not realistic or manageable.

Your DH needs to cut his hours.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2021 23:40

Right, but she now doesn’t want to and isn’t going to. So you need another option.

What if she was willing to help but broke both her legs? Then what would you have done?

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:41

@AnneLovesGilbert

My husband can't take time off. His business will collapse.

Well who was caring for your son while you were in hospital?

How sustainable is a business if he needs to work 7 days a week or it’ll collapse?

Given that no one can make your SIL be available, is this going to one of those threads filled with objections and where nothing anyone suggests is any use?

No not at all. She looked after him while I was in hospital, thankfully.

I can't go into specifics, but my husband was he really cannot take time off right now. I just need to find a nanny desperately and scrap the sis in law thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:41

@luckyJasmin

Why did you get pregnant the second time if you're not coping? I'd love to live in Italy but it is not realistic or manageable.

Your DH needs to cut his hours.

Harsh
OP posts:
lynntheyresexpeople · 05/10/2021 23:42

She said she'd help if you were working op. Even if you were, agreements with families often go this way. They're sick, busy last minute etc. You can't expect a family member not being paid to be constantly available and reliable childcare, whether you're sick or not.
I think you're going to need to look at nurseries.

Pumperthepumper · 05/10/2021 23:42

Your husband needs to do it. Having to work seven days to keep his business going means it’s likely finished anyway.

luckyJasmin · 05/10/2021 23:43

Life is harsh.
But that's not going to solve our problems is it.

You really have my sympathy but so many people have more than one kid and then describe how hell their life is. Well....

Original poster
sicko · 05/10/2021 23:43

@lynntheyresexpeople

She said she'd help if you were working op. Even if you were, agreements with families often go this way. They're sick, busy last minute etc. You can't expect a family member not being paid to be constantly available and reliable childcare, whether you're sick or not. I think you're going to need to look at nurseries.
Yeah so I need her even more now I'm sick. So it's not a very nice situation. But you're right, can't rely on arrangements like this. I'll need to get nursery or nanny sorted ASAP.
OP posts:
marykitty · 05/10/2021 23:44

I am sorry you are having such a bad time.
Organize private childcare. You said you are staying there only 1 month, so it is something you would have to fix soon anyway. I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

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