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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
DotBall · 05/10/2021 20:31

His money is for him to spend. He’s 17, not 13.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 05/10/2021 20:32

Just let it blow over. I absolutely agree with you and your DH.

MotherOfDragons27 · 05/10/2021 20:32

I think you need to agree to disagree. If he wants to spend £400 on a belt, that's his decision. As long as he's not asking you for the money it really is not your concern what he spends his money on.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 05/10/2021 20:33

Let him spend his money, what he uses his wages for isn't really anything to do with you OP. There are much worse things he could be buying!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 05/10/2021 20:33

I'd get it.
It's what he wants.
It's within the budget

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/10/2021 20:33

I wouldn’t buy such an expensive belt for my child for Xmas- they can save and buy it and realise that lesson for themselves….that it’s utterly wasteful.
Has he started to learn to drive yet? Maybe get him to google his cost of insurance and realise why he may prefer to save his money.

MotherOfDragons27 · 05/10/2021 20:33

Forgot to add - I agree with you, it's a ridiculous waste of money but there we go 🤷🏻‍♀️

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/10/2021 20:34

Buy him the bloody belt
If you really can't do that be quiet and let him waste his own money as he wants

Orangejuicemarathoner · 05/10/2021 20:35

I would suggest you apologise to him, and say you have taken on board his point of view - you dont agree its worth it, but you DO agree its his money and his choice.

I would suggest you offer him a proportion of his Christmas budget towards the belt. Is there something else you want to give him? How about if you spend £300 on other gifts, and give him £200 cash? and say it can go on the belt if that is what he wants to do

Leftphalange · 05/10/2021 20:35

Why not get him the belt? It's a designer purchase that will likely last for years to come. It's within his budget.

ButtonandTiny · 05/10/2021 20:35

Personally, I'd just buy the belt.
I think most things DS1, 18 spends his money on are pointless but it's his money.
If he asked for something within budget for a gift, I'd buy it.

Hellocatshome · 05/10/2021 20:35

Either but it for him for Christmas out if the budget or let him buy it himself. You don't learn about the value of money/what is a waste of money unless you experience it for yourself. Of course he may never think of it as a waste of money he may have different taste to you and your DH that doesn't mean its wrong.

JaninaDuszejko · 05/10/2021 20:36

If he is prepared to save his own money for it then I don't see what the problem is, he's 17 and now is the time to learn by his own mistakes what is worth spending money on and what isn't (the belt may or may not be a mistake). Better to spend money on one good quality item than spending £400 on tat from Primark surely.

Alwaysfuckingsick · 05/10/2021 20:37

It's more than I would spend on a belt - BUT at 17 is it really an Xmas present if you are dictating what it is/isn't? You said no, he's working and going to spend his own money on it, his decision completely and at least he'll look after it.

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 20:37

His wages are his to spend as he likes. He’s not buying coke or gambling. I don’t really understand why it’s turned into a row. I’m sure you buy things with your wages that he thinks are pointless.

Tee20x · 05/10/2021 20:37

Meh... the budget is £500 the belt is £400. Of course there are better ways the money could be spent but the whole point of a gift is for it to be something the person wants, not something you think they should want.

You say he likes designer items on the whole, so if it is in keeping with his style and he wants it then I would get it for him for Christmas.

As for arguing about him buying it out of his wages...his money his choice, and at that age there should be room for him to spend his money on things that are frivolous.

When he is older and has more responsibilities he may not be able to do so.

WormYourHonour · 05/10/2021 20:37

Where has he learnt these expensive tastes? And of he wants to keep them up, he must earn them.
Then it's time to teach him the value of money, not the cost of things. he's old enough to pay rent, pay toward bills like electric, gas, water, council tax, internet. So on and so on.

CrazylazyJane · 05/10/2021 20:38

Completely understand you not wanting to buy him it for Christmas but I think you're bang out of order for telling him what he can and can't spend his wages on. You said he's taken on extra work to afford it, so clearly he thinks the belt is worth it and has put a lot of thought in to it.

DrSbaitso · 05/10/2021 20:38

To be honest, if it's within budget for your gift to him, then I don't see why you're determined to buy what you want rather than what he wants. And if he earns the money himself, it truly isn't any of your business.

If your son is stupid for wanting to buy an expensive belt aged 17, what's your husband for escalating it into a huge family argument?

If you won't buy it for him, let him buy it for himself. He's 17, if he can't make costly sartorial errors now then when can he? And maybe he'll love it and wear it all his life. Would you say the same about an item of jewellery?

lilacdinosaur · 05/10/2021 20:38

It's his money so let him spend it how he wants?
If he's willing to work for it to afford it then you don't have a say.

seaandsandcastles · 05/10/2021 20:40

Yep, YABU. It’s money put aside for his present and you have no right to tell him it’s a waste because it wouldn’t be for him.

helpfulperson · 05/10/2021 20:41

Many women spend twice that on bags etc. If he wears it every day for a year then the price per wear is reasonable. I would argue 500 is lot for a Christmas budget. What is his brother getting and why is it better than a belt?

Flavabobble · 05/10/2021 20:41

Whilst I think spending £400 on a belt is overkill - what are you buying his brother, and is he likely to still have it in 10 years? 'Cos I bet he'd still have the belt.

SomebodysMum · 05/10/2021 20:42

What does a £400 belt look like please?

FangsForTheMemory · 05/10/2021 20:42

I wouldn't spend his Christmas money on that, but if he wants to earn the money for it himself, then fine. Unless of course he's supposed to be saving to support himself at uni.

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