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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 07/10/2021 14:38

I know you’ve updated, but I’m struggling to understand why a designer belt is a waste of money but a PS5 or £500 worth of tut he doesn’t really want, isn’t?

I always thought that the purpose of a gift was to buy something you think the recipient would like.

Brainwave89 · 07/10/2021 15:05

It is a nice thing he really wants. There are a lot of things that fall into this category, which some people will find wasteful, even sinful to desire. As a younger woman I really coveted a Dior dress.... eventually I did buy one, and it cost be a fortune in % to my take home pay at the time. I would be having a discussion on budgeting and the consequences of over spending. I would go halves.

LimitIsUp · 07/10/2021 17:09

I just want to know how the heck the OP got hold of a PS5

MrsKeats · 07/10/2021 20:16

There are numerous places to get a second hand one?

LimitIsUp · 07/10/2021 21:17

I am sure there are, but I want new

MrsKeats · 07/10/2021 22:00

Well me too probably.
I would have just bought the bloody thing in the first place Grin

Toddlerteaplease · 08/10/2021 08:03

£500 is a ridiculous amount to spend at Christmas.

Keke94LND · 08/10/2021 08:09

Personally if it's within budget and it's what he wants, I'd get him the belt, I agree with you that a £400 belt is ridiculous but, it's what he wants, what did you get his brother? Because I can see why he would think well why can't you get the belt then, having said that I also think it's important for young people to 'understand the value of a pound' which he probably does as he is working and doing over time to save for the belt, you should be angry at him for doing that. I would maybe meet in the middle and say I will put £200 towards the belt if you put the other £200 in.

Keke94LND · 08/10/2021 08:17

@remodelideas

£500 per child?!

That's where you're going wrong in the first instance.

Buy him the belt, and inform him that from next year as he is now an adult the budget is £100 each. Unless he would also like to stick to a £500 budget for his parents and brother?

Tbf though you're acting like £500 each was his idea, it wasn't, it was his parents choice to do that
Arrowheart · 08/10/2021 08:23

Turn it around to something you want that is within your budget or within a gift allowance budget. You might want a new bag or something connected to a hobby but ultimately something that brings you joy. Your husband and son might think the money could be better spent on things they would like or enjoy or something more to their taste. How would you feel? Surely you would think hang on a second this is my money and/or my gift so what has what I want got to do with them?

As long as it isnt illegal or harmful then what does it matter?

Parky04 · 08/10/2021 08:29

My nephew was spending that kind of money on drugs. I'm sure my sister would have loved it if he had spent that money on a belt instead! Yes it's a lot of money, but I would let it go as he will realise when he is older that he won't be able to afford it in future!

MrsKeats · 08/10/2021 09:48

Will people please stop saying £500 is a ridiculous amount-it's all relative on things like income/how many children you have etc.

ChaoBella · 08/10/2021 10:22

Will people please stop saying £500 is a ridiculous amount-it's all relative on things like income/how many children you have etc

Yes this is correct but the whole point of a forum is for people to speak their opinion. So who are you to tell them not to?

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/10/2021 10:28

ChaoBella

Will people please stop saying £500 is a ridiculous amount-it's all relative on things like income/how many children you have etc“

No, because a strip of leather and a non-precious metal buckle (assuming it’s not gold plated) is not worth anywhere near that, whatever name it has embossed.

theleafandnotthetree · 08/10/2021 10:39

@TatianaBis

I think you're a bit hoist by your own petard: £500 is way too much & bound to be squandered on nonsense. There's no way I'd spend that much on presents unless it was actually something they needed like a laptop.

I would say if he wants chavsville designer tat he can pay for it himself.

I agree with this, with a budget of 500 pounds per child, yours is clearly a fairly wealthy/consumerist household. These are the values your son has grown up with and absorbed so it is unsurprising that this is the kind of thing he wants/feels is his due.
theleafandnotthetree · 08/10/2021 10:41

@Parky04

My nephew was spending that kind of money on drugs. I'm sure my sister would have loved it if he had spent that money on a belt instead! Yes it's a lot of money, but I would let it go as he will realise when he is older that he won't be able to afford it in future!
I think we can set the bar a little higher surely! We are supposed to be grateful if our children aren't druggies or criminals and 'treat' them accordingly?
Notjustanymum · 08/10/2021 14:11

YABU, he’s 17, not 7.
OP you and your DH just come across as really unreasonable: by all means ask if he’s sure, and tell him you think it’s a waste of money, but get it anyway if he stands firm, then use the rest of the gift money to get him something you choose.
This is a big part of learning to let your child grow up... we don’t own our children, and sometimes if you give them a choice, you have to trust them to make the right choice on their own, no matter what you think.

flippertyop · 08/10/2021 16:03

@theleafandnotthetree

I agree with this, with a budget of 500 pounds per child, yours is clearly a fairly wealthy/consumerist household. These are the values your son has grown up with and absorbed so it is unsurprising that this is the kind of thing he wants/feels is his due.

Well that's a good thing isn't it? He's learnt that if he wants nice things he needs to work for it. He will aspire to do well because he wants to buy expensive items. As a result he will work hard to better himself. That's a great value to see him for the future IMO

Dojacatpaws · 08/10/2021 16:10

One can aspire to do well without wanting to buy really over priced strips of leather.

flippertyop · 08/10/2021 16:26

Well perhaps they may prefer to buy an expensive car or a holiday home - who knows? But if his aspiration is to own a designer belt who are you to judge?

Dojacatpaws · 08/10/2021 16:31

At 17 I would hope my kids had different aspirations

theleafandnotthetree · 08/10/2021 16:41

[quote flippertyop]@theleafandnotthetree

I agree with this, with a budget of 500 pounds per child, yours is clearly a fairly wealthy/consumerist household. These are the values your son has grown up with and absorbed so it is unsurprising that this is the kind of thing he wants/feels is his due.

Well that's a good thing isn't it? He's learnt that if he wants nice things he needs to work for it. He will aspire to do well because he wants to buy expensive items. As a result he will work hard to better himself. That's a great value to see him for the future IMO [/quote]
I guess it depends on your perspective, I'd be (quietly) gutted if my children's main aspirations in life were to make lots of money and buy designer gear. Regardless of how hard they'd work for them.

Franticbutterfly · 08/10/2021 16:43

I wouldn't buy it but I would encourage him to save for it.

flippertyop · 08/10/2021 18:39

@theleafandnotthetree I would agree if children were only able to have one aspiration - but they are not. So I would be very pleased if my children aspires to make enough money to be comfortable in life, buy things (including designer stuff) that they want and be healthy and happy. I wanted Designer things. I worked hard and I got them. I also give a lot of time and money to charity and schools. I look after my PIL and I am bringing up kind and considerate children. Having financial aspirations and being a good person are not mutually exclusive

MrsBobDylan · 08/10/2021 20:59

Designer items like belts can seriously appreciate in value. I wish I had saved up to buy classic, well-made stuff rather than all the clothes I bought for cheap which lasted a couple of wears.

His life, his choice.