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Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 05/10/2021 21:11

I agree with you that it is a waste - I have wanted a particular designer belt for about 2 years but won't buy it because it feels too much for what is only a belt. And I earn way more than £150 p/w. However I see his perspective. If he is willing to work for it (appears he is) and he doesn't want anything else, why can't he have it? Provided he understands the value of things and doesn't think these sorts of items just land at your feet, it is probably better to get him something you think is overly expensive but that he will love and use alot than force other presents on him which cost the same but which he won't want/use and arguably therefore end up being more of a waste of money than the belt. Particularly understand when his sibling has an item costing more. Perhaps compromise and contribute half towards the belt?

turkishteeth · 05/10/2021 21:11

Not what you want to hear, but I still have, wear, and absolutely love the Raybans and the Mulberry belt I bought with my Saturday job wages in 1992.

My parents had similar feelings about wasting money, but took the attitude that money you have earned is money to spend as you wish.

My obsession with fashion accessories has been the cornerstone of my work ethic ever since.

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:12

Grown women paying with their own money, sure. 17 year old girls, not so much!

17 year old girls with their own money, yes.

Happylittlethoughts · 05/10/2021 21:12

If that's his thing then why are you belittling him? Some folk would spend it on cochineal... or fishing gear ... or petrol on a motorbike. It brings him joy. Probably sounds like he'll take care of it for many years, or sell it on. This is what he wants so shake your head inwardly and get him the belt. You may be aghast .. but then maybe you'd be aghast at 400 quid on a fishing rod.
Hrs taking shifts to pay for it and he's still getting pelters ?! That's wrong.

FOJN · 05/10/2021 21:12

Are you scared he’s gay. Is that why your DH has over reacted to this?

Where the hell did that come from?

Happylittlethoughts · 05/10/2021 21:13

*cocaine ... not cochineal! My autocorrect

NumberTheory · 05/10/2021 21:13

I think it's a ridiculous way to spend that sort of money, but I also think designer handbags are ridiculous. Tickets to premier league matches, expensive watches, smoking and Sky TV are a ridiculous waste too (I like drinking though, so that waste of money isn't ridiculous).

If you are really too petty to see past your own tastes to buy it for him for Christmas, you really shouldn't be having a go at him for working for something he wants.

Apologise.

willithappen · 05/10/2021 21:13

@GetMeOut22

Hmm I disagree with posters that say that as long as he's paying for it himself, it's ok. Because if he spends all his earnings on it, then you'll have to pay for other stuff he can't pay for anymore. Or is he going to buy the belt and not go out or learn to drive? Doubt it. So you then have to give him more money because you couldn't buy him the useful stuff for Christmas or because he has no pocket money to go out with mates.

As to picking up an extra shift - is this at the expense of school work? Because if it is or he's too tired at school on Monday because of it, that's not ok.

As long as he's under your roof, you get a say. When he leaves, he can do whatever he wants. And I'll bet £400 he won't be buying LV belts when he's faced with having to pay the rent unless he's a total dumbass in which case there are bigger problems at play.

And all these posters going on about Christmas being a treat, are you kidding me? He's a child, he doesn't need pampering. Everyone I know buys their teenagers some nice stuff but also useful stuff for Xmas, like PJs, books, things they can use.

He's 17, not a kid. If he can pick up an extra shift and has decided to do so to afford the belt then I think this is a really responsible decision in the fact he's taking in more money to purchase a luxury item for himself I actually think this in itself teaches him the value of money and expensive items. As long as he's not sacrificing money for other things in order to get it I think it's perfectly fine
GoodnightGrandma · 05/10/2021 21:13

He can save up for the belt himself.
He’ll probably have gone off it by the time he can afford it.

Lou98 · 05/10/2021 21:13

@GetMeOut22 if he's taking on extra shifts to pay it then he obviously is still paying his other bills etc otherwise he would have £600 a month in his pocket and wouldn't need to save, he'd be able to buy it after 3 weeks.

He's 17 earning his money, not a young child getting pocket money. Any money he has left each month is his to spend as he pleases, just as yours is

wtfisthatspiderdoing · 05/10/2021 21:14

@GetMeOut22 why would op have to buy the stuff he can't afford? That's the whole point.. if he spends his money on the belt then that's where his money has gone until he earns more. That's a pretty good life lesson.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 05/10/2021 21:14

Why do you think your opinions matter more than his, OP?

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:14

And all these posters going on about Christmas being a treat, are you kidding me? He's a child, he doesn't need pampering.

It’s Christmas. It’s generally considered normal to buy nice things for people you live. To treat them to things they don’t get throughout the year.

TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 21:15

I think you're a bit hoist by your own petard: £500 is way too much & bound to be squandered on nonsense. There's no way I'd spend that much on presents unless it was actually something they needed like a laptop.

I would say if he wants chavsville designer tat he can pay for it himself.

Lalliella · 05/10/2021 21:15

He’s right that you can’t tell him what to do with his own money. Unless you start charging him rent! (please don’t) But I think you should have some say in what you get him for Christmas. What’s his brother getting? £500 is a big budget imo.

BatFinksWings · 05/10/2021 21:16

You are completely unreasonable. Either buy him the belt as his Christmas gift or let him crack on and buy what he wants with his own money .

Christ my youngest is 14 and inset him a budget for Xmas. This year he's asked for a Tom Ford aftershave which is very expensive. But .... he has his budget and that's what he'd like as part of it. His choice

I've had my belt for decades - it was a lot more than £400. Maybe view it as an investment?

But regardless, you're unreasonable

Original poster
PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 21:16

Yeah I agree with most of you, I should buy the belt. DH is saying no way though so it’s causing a problem between us. We’re all stubborn in this house

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 21:16

What did his brother get OP?

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:17

@GoodnightGrandma

He can save up for the belt himself. He’ll probably have gone off it by the time he can afford it.
What, in 3 weeks?
TimetohittheroadJack · 05/10/2021 21:17

If you are planning on spending £500 anyway, it doesn't really matter what it's on, surely it's up to him?

TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 21:17

@Lalliella

He’s right that you can’t tell him what to do with his own money. Unless you start charging him rent! (please don’t) But I think you should have some say in what you get him for Christmas. What’s his brother getting? £500 is a big budget imo.
Agree.
frillseeking · 05/10/2021 21:17

I think good on him for taking an extra shift to earn the money towards it. A lot of teenagers would try to badger their parents in to buying it for them but he's demonstrating his independence and awareness that if you want something then you have to save for it so he's showing a good understanding of financial responsibility. I've always loved designer items which I still have now whereas my DB for example will only spend big money on cycling gear. To me, £1000 upwards in a bike is crazy but I'd spend that easily on a watch or handbag which hold their value second hand. I think it's ok to express your opinion but to get in an argument over it is over the top. Show a bit more understanding that everyone sees the value in different things and if you're worried he'll regret spending the money, explain that to him rather than ridiculing his choices.

FatBettyintheCoop · 05/10/2021 21:18

YANBU OP.

I’d be incredibly disappointed if any of our kids thought splashing £££ on pointless ‘designer’ gear was even vaguely a good idea. Thankfully, they all have plenty of common sense and are really good with their money.

I’d let him waste his own earned money but I wouldn’t overly subsidise him living at home, so make sure you charge him board money.

Original poster
PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 21:19

@TatianaBis

What did his brother get OP?
PS 5
OP posts:
TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 21:19

@TimetohittheroadJack

If you are planning on spending £500 anyway, it doesn't really matter what it's on, surely it's up to him?
Of course it matters what it's on: laptop for school, accessories for a productive hobby like sport/art/culture etc - fine.

Tacky belt - hell no.

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