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AIBU?

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Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
Idontlike · 05/10/2021 20:43

Say he can have half the money towards it for Christmas then buy him bits with the rest so he has stuff to open?

It’s his money/gift. I think it’s a waste but they want what they want. Wouldn’t it be a waste of money for you to buy him stuff he doesn’t really want?

Howshouldibehave · 05/10/2021 20:43

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money

He is right. You can’t tell him what to do with his wages!

Blueemeraldagain · 05/10/2021 20:43

Your 17 year old son is mature and sensible enough that, having been told he cannot have a gift that he wants and is within the established budget for Xmas, he has taken on an extra shift at work to save up and buy it for himself?! His dad needs to absolutely keep his beak out of it. His unreasonable going on has provoked this reaction in your son.

As a point of comparison, what is his brother’s gift??

I would offer to go half and half with your son for Christmas and congratulate him on his work ethic.

DressBitch · 05/10/2021 20:43

I think you're being a bit mean.

You're dictating his Christmas present and what he surges his wages on? What gives you the right?

MiddleClassProblem · 05/10/2021 20:44

What else would you buy him for Christmas? If the belt will make him happy, I don’t see what’s wrong with it given your generous budget. Will he not look after it?

pelosi · 05/10/2021 20:44

You have to let him spend his hard earned money as he sees fit.

Tell him he will still be getting a present and to tell you asap what else is on his wish list.

EdgeOfTheSky · 05/10/2021 20:45

Ugh.

Problem wouldn’t arise if they weren’t basically expecting to demand presents of £500 as if they were ordering from a catalogue.

It all sounds very materialistic.

The way round that night we’ll be for him to appreciate what hard work is needed to fund such a habit, so I would lay off criticising his choice of how he spends his earnings and praise him for earning, taking in extra shifts etc.

MyDogLovesBiscuits · 05/10/2021 20:46

YABU

It doesn't matter if you think it's a waste of money. You are giving gifts to the value of £500 he asked for something £100 less than that amount. Doesn't matter what it is, it's what you offered and what he asked for.

I think it shows a lovely work ethic that he is taking on extra shifts to save for it himself since you and DH have refused to buy it for Christmas. YABVVU to fall out with him over what he does with his hard earned money.

He's 17 not 7.

As an aside £500 each is a lot of money anyway so YAB a bit U for worrying about your DS being wasteful with money IMO.

Shoxfordian · 05/10/2021 20:47

It’s within the budget so you should buy it for him

One person’s waste of money is another person’s favourite belt

MyDogLovesBiscuits · 05/10/2021 20:48

Oh P.S I bought a belt at 16 (for about £20 to be fair from Next I think) and I still use it now in my late 30's so a belt can be an investment if it's well made.

toolazytothinkofausername · 05/10/2021 20:48

We've all been young and dumb once. Just be grateful the cash isn't going towards drugs/alcohol!

However, your DS will have to be very careful where he wears the belt. If the wrong person sees your son wearing the belt, he may be targeted to be mugged.

HelloDulling · 05/10/2021 20:49

What did you get for your other DC? What is it that you consider a suitable present?

WeAllHaveWings · 05/10/2021 20:49

The only way he'll learn is if disposable income doesnt come easy (he works for it which is good) and he actually buys the belt and subsequently realises he cant do something else he wants to.

bananaboats · 05/10/2021 20:49

Id just get him the belt, is within budget and its what he wants so why not?

wtfisthatspiderdoing · 05/10/2021 20:50

It's up to you if you want to get it as a present, but it's not up to you if he wants to spend the money he's worked for and saved.. that is exactly the lesson of learning the value of money, you should be proud he is willing to work to get something he wants. If it was a designer wallet or trainers you probably wouldn't be as annoyed. A belt can be worn a lot and last for years. Let him have the belt.

Briony123 · 05/10/2021 20:50

I certainly wouldn't buy it for him. If he wants to waste his money on it though, why not? He's learning to work hard and save up for something he really wants.
I would try to drop hints as to what else he could spend his money on though - a holiday with friends, driving lessons, a car... Literally anything has to be more worthy than a £400 belt, surely?!

Shadedog · 05/10/2021 20:51

It’s a ridiculous waste of money but if he’s spending his money or if he’s getting it from you rather than you wasting the same money on something he doesn’t want I don’t see why you are arguing. I would hate to spend that much on a belt but my mum does this and it annoys me beyond reason. She’ll ask me what I want and I say a pair of pyjamas which cost £50. She’ll say that’s a ridiculous waste of money but as I need a pair of pyjamas she’ll get me a different pair for £18, and then as that’s not much of a present she’ll spend £32 on shit I don’t want and be stressed about it because she doesn’t know what to get with the £32. She’s spent the same money, neither of us are happy but before you know it it’s my birthday. She’ll ask what I want and I’ll tell her, she’ll find something not quite the same, not as nice, maybe it doesn’t have the same functions, isn’t as stylish, as warm, as nice quality - but she still spends the same amount of money as she would on the thing I actually want. Want a wool jumper? Have this poly cotton one and three pairs of socks and a key ring. Then it’s Christmas agin and the ridiculous charade starts over.

stripetop · 05/10/2021 20:51

Agree with others but

I am absolutely sure I have read this or a version of it before?

Icenii · 05/10/2021 20:52

Surely spending £500 on stuff he doesn't want or need is a waste of money too? And bad for the environment. Its expensive, but it's something he will appreciate.

Cloverforever · 05/10/2021 20:52

I would also argue that spending £500 per child is a lot of money, so maybe that's where he's got his expensive ideas from.

Postdatedpandemic · 05/10/2021 20:53

Is it something like this uk.louisvuitton.com/eng-gb/products/lv-initials-40mm-reversible-belt-damier-graphite-nvprod1760067v#M0213U or one with a proper buckle?

The reversible ones tend to wear badly, as the leather stretches around the hole that the almost press stud thing on the buckle goes in, they start to pop undone.

He will only learn about not wasting money by wasting some. Go halves and go gently on him.

If he is a skinny young thing he may also grow out of it in a few years. But such is life.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/10/2021 20:53

Does it look like this? £395. Looks tacky, but still his money to waste.

Big row about expensive belt
wtfisthatspiderdoing · 05/10/2021 20:53

Also, he will feel fabulous wearing the belt.. when you spend money on something like that as a treat it's not just the belt, it's the luxury of the packaging and unwrapping. He'll feel like a million dollars! I remember being about the same age and saving to buy a paul smith purse... I loved the experience and had the purse for years.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 05/10/2021 20:54

I have a LV purse, card holder and key case thing. I have had them for over 10 years and used them daily and they look like new. They make me happy every day, having something expensive and designer isn’t always a waste of money, sometimes it just means you buy once rather than a few times. He’s absolutely to be admired for working hard and saving up, and I can’t understand why you don’t want to get him a present he actually wants.

TigerBilly · 05/10/2021 20:55

Buy him a fake LV belt. Bet he wouldn’t know the difference. If he wants expensive clothing on £150 a week, show him the value of money by making him pay his way now he is earning.