To be furious with DH?

[FatJan]

Every morning I have a cup of coffee before work and another as I'm logging on (I work from home). After both cups of coffee, I feel properly awake and ready for the day.

That's it by the way - I don't drink it after 10/11 as I don't fall asleep as well at night if I do.

My DH has recently discovered decaffeinated coffee/tea and has taken it upon himself to break my 'caffeine addiction'. He feels I should be able to wake up fully with some fresh air and exercise like he has (very recently) started doing.

I'm not particularly interested. I don't entirely disagree with him, and maybe I will have a morning walk now and then, but I have no desire to give up coffee. I have no heart related health problems and I don't drink an unhealthy amount. It gives me a boost and gets all the gears turning in the morning.

Last week I had an important morning meeting which I mentioned to DH. On the morning of the meeting, DH brought me a coffee up, which I thought was thoughtful. I got up, got ready and he brought a second cup to my office just before I started the meeting.

During the meeting, I found I was struggling to engage as well as usual. I was still able to do my job, but I was a bit groggy and it must have come across as someone asked if I was tired.

You've guessed it - he'd brought me decaf both times.

This, it transpires, was to 'prove' my 'caffeine addiction' was 'all in my head'.

I am annoyed. He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

I have a senior position in work (head of department), and need to be 'on' all the time to engage the team and deal with that day's challenges. Coffee is one of the ways I do that in the morning. It has nothing to do with him.

I feel entirely disrespected and I think he's an especial idiot for choosing the morning of what he knew was an important meeting to do his failed experiment.

I'm not interested in engaging with him today. He hasn't (and won't) apologise.

AIBU to genuinely reconsider how I feel about him over this or should I give it time and try and forget about it?

For me its not the caffeine or the important meeting or whether or not it actually makes a difference, its a violation of trust based on his belief that he is entitled to control your choices...as i said, red flag.

@lazylinguist

Fgs - it's not about whether having decaf or caf is a big deal or whether it's as serious as sexual consent (of course it isn't). If the OP's husband had given her decaf by accident, nobody would be fussed. But he took it upon himself to change her habits for her because he's an arrogant, smug twat who thinks his desire to prove a smug, holier-than-thou point is more important than the OP's right to choose to have a fucking cup of coffee if she wants! Jeez.

Quite. I can’t work out if some posters are stupid, too literal or completely browbeaten by their own subpar life partners.

Sometimes MN is the gift that keeps on Giving.
The woman who seriously considered divorce over 2 cups of Decaff.

Pfffft.

I can’t work out if some posters are stupid, too literal or completely browbeaten by their own subpar life partners.

Exactly. If they are that bad at reading people's behaviour and intentions even when it's typed in black and white in an OP, maybe they are equally bad at doing so in real life. That would certainly explain some of the shit partners MNers seem to tolerate.

@lazylinguist

Quite.

I think it's largely about whether people focus on the minutiae (2 cups of decaff coffee ffs!) or on the big picture (man taking control of woman's choices).

A large number of posters do always seem to focus on the minutiae and fail to grasp the implications for the big picture.

@NoSquirrels

YANBU to be lividly pissed off with him. YANBU to require an apology.

Whether it changes your whole opinion of him is different- he’s your husband, you must know his bad character traits as well as his good ones? You’re very sure he won’t apologise and that’s the biggest issue to me.

Yes