How would you take this?

[WhatAPickledOnion]

I’ve recently given birth to a beautiful baby girl. Throughout the pregnancy sex was actually non-existent.

Since having the baby DH has wanted it non-stop.

We were giggling and messing around today and I said “I’ve got my stallion back” he turned around and said “well yeah I’ve got nothing to release into now.”

How would you take this statement? I’m just so disgusted and told him what I thought he was implying by that statement but think I’m being gaslighted as he says I’m over reacting and it doesn’t mean what I think.

What would that statement imply to you?

Maybe he's been using a wank sick and he means he doesn't need it anymore 🤷‍♀️

I agree with all the others who have said he was just commenting on the fact he can have sex with you without worrying about ejaculated inside you whilst pregnanct. Some guys get really icked out by that. If he had been having regular sex with you whilst pregnant then maybe I would think otherwise, but the fact he hasn't points to this being his meaning.

I don't think a man would casually drop into conversation (during an intimate moment) that he'd been shagging someone else whilst you were pregnant. What sort of fool would do that? It doesn't make sense.

Like others have said, please talk to someone... a friend or a professional. It sounds like you're struggling.

@Covidwoes yeah, me! DP was more of a knackered old donkey than a stallion after DS1 was born and I was too fecking exhausted to notice or care whether anything was getting released anywhere!

@Covidwoes

Is anyone else wondering how OP and her partner find the time (and energy) to be at it constantly with a newborn to look after?

Not just you and also it's not recommended for first six weeks isn't it?

You need to book an appointment with your gp. The wild assumptions is one thing, but changing the locks when he's out over absolutely nothing is borderline insane op. Everyone here is telling you you're jumping to conclusions, and with each reply you're sounding more hysterical. Please get some help.

Thethreecs

@WhatAPickledOnion

“Don’t have anything to release into anymore” pretty much the opposite of what is going on so it would only make sense if he was implying he’s back to his horny self now because the mistress is no longer in the picture (or whatever he was releasing into).

I can see why it’s confusing because everyone has automatic assumptions of sex lifes etc during pregnancy.

I think the pregnancy may have just been a free pass. I’ve told him I don’t believe him and he just keeps repeating where’s the evidence, where’s the evidence which is a red flag in itself.

I just don’t know but obviously swaying more to the I’m overthinking things after this thread.

Op, all the best, and if he was releasing into a mistress, then why would he change just because you have given birth ? If your partner had become used to his mistress, then why not carry on and be with you both ?

OP, I say this kindly, please PLEASE speak to your HV or midwife. This isn't normal or healthy.

Just checking but is it consensual all this ‘nonstop sex’ OP?

@bluerecruit

Just checking but is it consensual all this ‘nonstop sex’ OP?

Why on Earth would you think it wasn’t consensual? She’s happy to have her “stallion” back 😂

OP it’s okay for him not to want sex when pregnant. Lots of men don’t; it’s weird for them as there is a baby in there. I don’t see how you would automatically assume he was cheating though

No clue. Sorry. But only read first page so I'll carry on on the hope that it all becomes clear.

Bit vile that he was totally turned off by your pregnancy though

Bit vile that he was totally turned off by your pregnancy though

@Justcallmebebes Why is it vile? It’s really common for men not to want sex with pregnant women because they’re either worried about the baby or the fact that there’s a baby right there weirds them out.

And that’s okay.

@Stuckhere2021

Have now RTFT and to be honest, I’m depressed. You and partner have had a child together yet lack the basics of normal communication. You say you are needy/high maintenance- you are a mother of a young child and need to put her first. You are getting a locksmith - why??? Your first reaction is to change the locks rather than have an adult conversation about what is going on here? I’m flabbergasted.

Unless there is some backstory of abuse or mental illness , then you both should be ashamed of yourselves and the unnecessary drama you are pulling this poor baby into.

Agree with this message.

His comment was weird and potentially gross too, but the fact that you’ve leapt to the conclusion about him using prostitutes or having a mistress off the back of this one remark is quite scary tbh and getting the locks changed while he’s out and finishing the relationship with your baby’s dad over this one remark - and the fact that (like many expectant parents of both sexes) he didn’t fancy sex much while you were pregnant - is madness. When men talk about their crazy ex I always take the woman’s side and think he must be exaggerating but honestly if you dump him now and he moves on with someone else, this will be the tale of the crazy ex.

Try talking to the man. Understand what it is that’s going on with him and how he feels about things. Just jumping to “he’s been shagging about, potentially paying for it (rent a vagina - wtf?!) or in some other way disrespecting you” from this incident is immature and embarrassing tbh.

As a parent you need to do better and not let anxiety and neediness lead you.

”Don’t have anything to release into anymore” pretty much the opposite of what is going on so it would only make sense if he was implying he’s back to his horny self now because the mistress is no longer in the picture (or whatever he was releasing into).

The BABY is no longer in the picture. That’s what he was scared of “releasing into” which is why he didn’t want sex before. Now that the baby isn’t in there for him to ejaculate into (as he clearly has a poor grasp of female biology) he’s back to his old horny self. Why wouldn’t that be your first thought OP?!

I may be taking this wrong but I'd assume he meant he no longer has anything to masturbate into (as he's now having sex with you and no longer needing to please himself.)

I think it's a bit of a reach to assume he was talking about a mistress or anything of the sort. To say you're changing the locks is a bit much too but maybe there's more to the story then mentioned. If anything he was just being a bit of a dick making a cheeky comment but I personally wouldn't take it so seriously

Please listen to what others are saying on this thread before you do anything drastic. You think that his statement only makes sense if he had had an affair or used sex workers while you were pregnant. But that interpretation makes absolutely no sense.

Many, many people have suggested, however awkwardly he may have phrased it, that he meant he was no longer “releasing” into the baby. That’s a rather odd way of putting it, but it is (as others have said) a not uncommon feeling men have with pregnant partners. They feel like they are bumping into their own child...

His bafflement at your interpretation is consistent with this, and why on earth is someone repeatedly saying, “Where’s the evidence?” a red flag? If someone accuses you of something totally out of the blue (and frankly pretty nutty) you might very well ask where the evidence is.

I also don’t understand your statement that we are all confused because everyone has “assumptions about sex lifes etc during pregnancy”. I don’t think that is true! Some people have enhanced sex lives during pregnancy - some men find a pregnant belly and physical signs of fecundity (larger breasts, etc) very erotic. Other men become very fearful of somehow harming the baby. Some women have a strong sex drive during pregnancy. Others (especially if they are sick, or feel unattractive as their bumps enlarge) feel uninterested or unattractive.

My point is, no one is confused by the fact that sex can change during pregnancy - as it did for you as a couple.

You are obviously self aware enough to know that you may be “overthinking” and that you are “high maintenance”.

Why on earth would he point out/ blurt out / confess just when you had complimented his sexual prowess (that’s the usual meaning of “stallion” in this context) that he had spent 9 months “releasing” into someone else? Surely you can see that that makes no sense!

Why not accept what your partner says - that he was worried about hurting you and the baby before, and now that your womb is empty again he can get back to his usual desire?

I support others’ suggestion that you may not be thinking entirely clearly right now because you are still very hormonal. It might be helpful to talk this through with someone in real life, as others have suggested.

I hope things go better for you both, and your new baby, soon.

maybe to do with pelvic floor?

I'm wondering if it was an awkward way of saying that he feels better about releasing inside you now that there's no baby there. It's not uncommon for men to worry about that.

@SandAndSea that's exactly what I was going to say. DH could never get his head around the idea of sex when pregnant, for exactly that reason . I got it (and wasn't that bothered).