Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you take this?

300 replies

WhatAPickledOnion · 03/10/2021 16:34

I’ve recently given birth to a beautiful baby girl. Throughout the pregnancy sex was actually non-existent.

Since having the baby DH has wanted it non-stop.

We were giggling and messing around today and I said “I’ve got my stallion back” he turned around and said “well yeah I’ve got nothing to release into now.”

How would you take this statement? I’m just so disgusted and told him what I thought he was implying by that statement but think I’m being gaslighted as he says I’m over reacting and it doesn’t mean what I think.

What would that statement imply to you?

OP posts:
LadyMuckington · 03/10/2021 17:55

Please reread HE was the one who never wanted it during pregnancy! That’s what’s causing the red flags.

To me it sounds like the thought of having sex whilst you were pregnant was wrong/gross (unfortunately not an uncommon opinion from some men either). Now your womb is empty he’s not releasing into the baby hence wants to have it now?

Pretty gross thing to say but unless there’s a massive backstory I have no idea why on earth you’ve booked a locksmith based off of that single comment as nothing about it seems like he was indicating he has a mistress to me.

WhatAShilohPitt · 03/10/2021 17:55

I am as baffled as everyone else. At first, I thought nothing to release into meant you were loose. But that makes no sense if he’s keen to have constant sex with you. But when you mentioned the mistress, it makes more sense that when you said your sex life was back (stallion) after you’d been rejected by him he was agreeing that it was because he personally had nothing to relieve himself into (other woman). That’s the only reason I can think of that makes sense given everything else you said and explains why he looked in a panic the second he said it.

Tbh it’s not any sort of common phrase so I can only guess from the context it’s slang for ‘nothing else to ejaculate into.’ If that’s what he’s saying, it’s grim.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 03/10/2021 17:56

I presumed that he meant he was put off by the baby's 'presence'
Your phraseology isn't all of that either, but your ott reaction and mention of locksmiths makes me wonder if all is not well with you post partum?

Benjispruce4 · 03/10/2021 17:56

No idea!Confused

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/10/2021 17:56

I'm confused by you both!

BronwenFrideswide · 03/10/2021 17:57

Very strange all round, I can't make head nor tail of it.

Flowerflumps · 03/10/2021 17:58

I'm with @LadyMuckington here.

I'd think that he was worried about where things went with a baby in you. Not that he was playing away. Has there been any other things that have given you that impression?

Original poster
WhatAPickledOnion · 03/10/2021 17:59

I asked him what he meant he said he had anxiety during pregnancy that I would be ok and the baby would be ok so didn’t feel like it.

Baby was transverse throughout pregnancy and they were talking about crash c-sections and trying to turn the baby manually etc so didn’t feel like it at all.

I don’t know whether I believe it the statement “I’ve got nothing to release into anymore still wouldn’t make sense” and I doubt very much it would be a mix of words.

He never speaks derogatory - red flag.

In regards to the stallion comment - cringe flirting but it’s been a while Grin

OP posts:
NoLeafClover · 03/10/2021 17:59

Oh come on OP, you've jumped the shark a tad now.. Indeed, @BoomChicka. Though I'd go with pole vaulted over a shiver of sharks, to be honest.

HappyDays101010 · 03/10/2021 17:59

I think you're right to separate from him. Take some time alone to work on yourself.

KrisAkabusi · 03/10/2021 18:00

@LetHimHaveIt

Btw - 'jumped the shark' doesn't mean 'jumped to a wildly erroneous conclusion' . . .
No, in this case it means a troll that's gone too far with the story to be believable.
ButterflyAway · 03/10/2021 18:01
Hmm
mamaoffourdc · 03/10/2021 18:02

You just need to sit down and have an adult conversation

epponneee · 03/10/2021 18:03

I don't understand the comment at all so no idea if your interpretation is correct. however, if you are convinced he had a mistress during your pregnancy, then why are you now happily back shagging him?

Flufferty · 03/10/2021 18:03

I've got absolutely no idea what it means

Rachie1973 · 03/10/2021 18:04

I assumed he was a bit freaked out having sex with a baby in there.

You’re assumption of another woman is Weird.

Skysblue · 03/10/2021 18:05

OP booking a locksmith is not a normal reaction. Please cancel the locksmith and calm down.

If you decide the end the relationship with your child’s father that’s up to you, but to do it by changing the locks in is a horrible thing. Bear in mind that your next steps are ones your child may one day hear about and judge you for.

His comment was weird. Personally I’d have assumed he had some strange sex toy he’d got rid of, or that he was saying something insulting about the vagina not feeling how it used to, but I wouldn’t have jumped straight to ‘he had a lover.’

If you want to know what he meant you have to talk about it like grown ups.

The deer in headlights expression could have meant anything, for example it may just have been a reaction to your furious expression.

Rachie1973 · 03/10/2021 18:05

@WhatAPickledOnion

Assumed he has a mistress obviously that’s why I’m asking on here as I’m prone to jumping to conclusions.

I’ve got a locksmith booked for tomorrow while he’s in work.

Absolutely psycho. He’ll thank you for it one day.
mumoflittlemice · 03/10/2021 18:06

I think he meant that when you were pregnant he had it in his mind that when he ejaculated (‘released’) he would be doing so ‘into’ the pregnancy or more specifically on / near the baby. Some men do have this notion that their penis/ ejaculate will be somehow making contact with the baby during intercourse with their pregnant partner. Crazy, but some do think this. I blame poor human biology teaching at school but that’s another story…

Anyway I take his comment to mean, ‘well I couldn’t have sex with you when you were preggers as I’d be ejaculating on our baby, but now you’re not, I’m back to my usual self or even making up for lost time as it were and all over you like a rash’ hence well, yeah I’ve got nothing to release into…. now you’re not pregnant anymore so we can be bang at it non stop with no reason not to be now.

I mean, bonkers and slightly genuinely sad as I think there’s a chasm of misunderstanding and lack of communication going on here, never mind the fact that you are happily (‘non stop’) sleeping again with a man you casually thought has been having an affair throughout your pregnancy. But that’s a whole other thing…

To answer your question that is what I interpret his comments as meaning, which, in a weird way is at least potentially indicative of him not having not fancied you / been having an affair etc, but rather a misplaced sense of not wanting to spunk over your unborn child.

Oof, I only popped on MN for a bit of a mooch. Confused Hope you manage to have a proper talk. Good luck.

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 03/10/2021 18:06

I still have absolutely no idea what either of your comments meant. Why can't you just ask him what he meant? Booking a locksmith sounds ludicrously extreme.

Boysnme · 03/10/2021 18:06

@LadyMuckington

Please reread HE was the one who never wanted it during pregnancy! That’s what’s causing the red flags.

To me it sounds like the thought of having sex whilst you were pregnant was wrong/gross (unfortunately not an uncommon opinion from some men either). Now your womb is empty he’s not releasing into the baby hence wants to have it now?

Pretty gross thing to say but unless there’s a massive backstory I have no idea why on earth you’ve booked a locksmith based off of that single comment as nothing about it seems like he was indicating he has a mistress to me.

This is exactly how I read it.

Think you are jumping to conclusions here unless there are other red flags to make you think otherwise

Honestmary · 03/10/2021 18:06

Are you hoping the locksmith can tell you what he meant?

Crinkle77 · 03/10/2021 18:07

Do you think he felt funny about having sex while pregnant? Now that you've had the baby and there is nothing in there anymore he feels more comfortable.?

LublinToDublin · 03/10/2021 18:07

I would assume he was for some reason weirded out by the presence of the baby.
Taking it yo mean he had a temporary mistress during your pregnancy seems an extraordinary conclusion (unless he has form for this)

VladmirsPoutine · 03/10/2021 18:08

@LetHimHaveIt

Btw - 'jumped the shark' doesn't mean 'jumped to a wildly erroneous conclusion' . . .
Yup. You've ruined the crescendo.