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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m just going for a lie down…

310 replies

Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 12:58

Again-Dp, every weekend…when’s my lie down?

Another weekend of me doing everything and I’m really starting to lose respect now.

We have a Dd, 3, I worked full time all my life (had Dd late) I’m now at home with her, which I’m grateful for (although it’s bloody hard work!) but I’m also doing the majority at the weekend too, or I see it as that, Dp says I’m so difficult to live with.

This weekend went as follows:

Friday night: dp comes home 7 ish after drinks after work, it’s my turn to put dd to bed (we take it in turns) she’s been hyper all
day, over 12 hours of this.
I’ve made dinner, organised a film night, dd bathed, dressed etc-I take her to bed.

Saturday

Get up, I get dd up, washing up still there from the dinner I made last night. I get dd ready for early ballet lesson at new place. I’d told Dp about it the night before and how I wasn’t sure exactly where it was so we needed to look it up and how I thought it would be tricky to park. He starts to say he’ll follow me up on his bike (electric motorbike) as he needs to go to the shops to get himself some things, so I’m left taking her to her new dance, alone.
The day follows a similar pattern, we take her to the playground and for lunch. I take her for a nap, he goes out for two hours to the shops, she won’t nap, so I’m playing with her. He returns home, goes in the toilet for over an hour, sits down for a bit on his phone, goes up again later for over an hour, comes down plays with dd in garden whilst I make dinner, she’s tired by this point and difficult, screaming at the kitchen door, so I have to move her and comfort her (evilest I’m trying to make dinner) he’s sat watching YouTube

Sunday: He’s sleeping in (fell asleep on the sofa) it’s getting later and later, I send dd down to wake him so he can get her breakfast ready. He puts her in the chair, goes to the toilet for ages. I come down, he goes out to the shop for over an hour and a half, I’m with dd.
He comes back, asks what’s up with me, I say I’m tired, he says so is he and that he barely slept last night.
Dd asks to go to the woods to look for flowers and to take dog for walk (it’s two houses down) he moans and asks if I’m coming, I say I’m too tired, he complains that so is he and he needs a lie down, I angrily get DD’s lunch ready and hoover and he takes them out.

Now sat here with 5 minutes peace-completely sick of it.

Aibu and am uptight or he is selfish & lazy

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 03/10/2021 14:05

Did you both agree that she would do a Saturday morning class?

beigebrownblue · 03/10/2021 14:06

@Mermaidwaves

The 'hour on the loo' thing from men really infuriates me, I hear so many women complain about this, I used to experience it myself. Grown men fannying around on their phones whilst their partners are having to deal with the mundane family stuff. It's not fair and its childish behaviour.
I agree. And would say it is passive aggressive as well.

Along with not noticing things that need doing. Or asking you to tell them.

I'm afraid I don't believe it will get better if you go out to work.

Sounds like he is not taking responsiblity for his relationship with you, at all.

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:06

They came back from the walk, I had her lunch ready for her, just tidied it away, he’s just lay down on the sofa

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 03/10/2021 14:07

Honestly if you have all week with her to do activities then putting another one on a Saturday morning seems overkill.

smoshbambi · 03/10/2021 14:07

Sounds like you entertain her a lot. She is not a toddler. Going to playgrounds on weekends sounds boring. Why don’t you (your dh) just involve her in cooking, hang out in the garden if you have one or he could bring her with him when shopping.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/10/2021 14:08

Her lunch? Surely you all each lunch together?

You didn't need to prep lunch while they were out. You could have had a rest.

smoshbambi · 03/10/2021 14:08

She doesn’t need to go to a ballet class first thing on the weekend.

Ellis989 · 03/10/2021 14:08

Where are you that you have to pay for preschool OP?

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:09

@smoshbambi She loves the playground and staying in all weekend is a nightmare and harder work. It’s easier to break it up a bit by getting out. Do people not do this

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 03/10/2021 14:09

Also if you can afford three classes a week, surely you could swop those for one morning of preschool.

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:09

@smoshbambi She doesn’t need to, but does any child need to? It’s just an activity to do that’s fun. It’s a pain it falls on a Saturday but most do

OP posts:
Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:10

@Dishwashersaurous You have to enrol for a monthly fee, gymnastics and dance is v cheap

OP posts:
smoshbambi · 03/10/2021 14:10

And agree with why prep for her lunch, just eat together and tidy together. Including your child. Then she can watch tv for a while and you can both chill. Don’t make everything such hard work.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 03/10/2021 14:11

It definitely sounds like he’s avoiding having to actively parent with all of these protracted trips to the shops and hours spent on the loo.
I think you probably need to agree a schedule that gives you both some downtime at the weekend, like you have done with splitting bedtimes. E.g he takes her to the Saturday morning class so you can have a break, he gets a couple of hours to himself on Sunday afternoon, you take it in turns to have a lie in, etc. Whatever works for you.

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:12

@5zeds I can drop the dance on a Saturday but then she has no dance lessons as that when it falls.
We do the other activities in the week, but do families not go out and do things with their kids at weekends? I’m confused

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 03/10/2021 14:12

He probably goes for his Rest periods,in various places, so he can stop listening to your complaints about lots of things, If you only have one child, and are properly organised, you should be able to cope with all things yourself.

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:13

@smoshbambi I literally only got her sandwiches, yoghurt & fruit ready, I’ve had a sandwich before, Dp can get his own

OP posts:
rocklamp · 03/10/2021 14:14

Your dd sounds full on and perhaps she'd benefit from going to nursery. It's exhausting being with a very young child 24/7 and you need a way of communicating this to your dh because he's taking the piss. I had a toilet dwelling/avoidant dh as well and the resentment it created was massive. I'd hazard a guess that your dh doesn't actually like looking after dd and he's avoiding her and the tension he feels when he's with her. He'll have to toughen up and take the hit because she'll become easier as she gets older.

Ellis989 · 03/10/2021 14:14

Are you looking at day nurseries (long day care for working parents) rather than preschools? All 3 year Olds in the UK are entitled to 15 funded hours.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 03/10/2021 14:14

If you only have one child, and are properly organised, you should be able to cope with all things yourself.

Why should she have to cope with all things herself? There are two parents. Confused

Generalpost · 03/10/2021 14:14

Sounds like you have 2 children rather than 1.

My ex was like this . Afternoon naps etc . He could never ever get it into his head that although I was not working. I was looking after the children,house etc. His day would come to an end around 4pm. Mine would not end until around 10pm even then your Woken in the night by children. But he worked but even when I was working part time heavy pregnant band looking after a 1 year old. Waking up every 2hrs . I still got mo help because I only worked a few hours a day. Bloody man child fuck that so glad I'm single again feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

Original poster
Fourinaroomboredmn · 03/10/2021 14:15

@1forAll74 So I have to do it all, all
weekend too?! Really?
I’ve worked full time all my life, at times supported us, I work my arse off now, albeit it in a different way

OP posts:
Milkbottlelegs · 03/10/2021 14:15

Some of this can easily be solved by not insisting on so much family time at the weekend. It didn’t need both of you to take her to dance class. Why didn’t you take her, giving DH a break and then he could have taken her to the park giving you some time to yourself later? Or tell him he needs to take her with him to the shops if he’s spending that much time shopping.

Generalpost · 03/10/2021 14:15

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

If you only have one child, and are properly organised, you should be able to cope with all things yourself.

Why should she have to cope with all things herself? There are two parents. Confused

Sounds more like there's 2 children 1 parent
Nancydrawn · 03/10/2021 14:15

Are you married, OP?

(Not a judgment, just a question about what protections you have.)

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